


In The Corner

by solaceO



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-01-25 16:37:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1655240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solaceO/pseuds/solaceO
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know...I have another fiction that needs to be updated but I couldn't get this one out of my head.
> 
> Pure fan fiction. Real people, not so real events. Anything else is pure coincidental.
> 
> Meryl and Charlie...wishful thinking but I'm all aboard that ship. ;)

Thank God it was finally over.

No more flights, no more long drives, no more phone calls about being here and there at this time, and best of all no more cameras.  Just lots of sleep, lots of food, and lots of doing nothing.  Meryl was going to enjoy herself basking in the sun, desperately needing Vitamin D, with her beach hat pulled down just a little to cover her eyes, toes in the sand, and listening to the waves crashing onto the sand.  She was going to fully enjoy this time being away from the limelight for just a moment before being put back into the whirlwind once again. 

It was a vacation well deserved--not only for herself but for her family as well.  They had sacrificed a lot for her success and she was eternally grateful.  The whole crew was able to join her.  Her parents, brother, and grandparents were with her in Hawaii, along with Charlie and his family. 

“Hey there missy,” Meryl heard the unmistakably familiar voice behind her.

Meryl lifted her head in the direction of where the voice came from and adjusted in her beach chair to take in the full view of Charlie White.  Charlie really needed to get some sun.  She knew that she was pale but a grown man should never be as pale as Charlie.  At least for her, she can be compared to a porcelain doll or something similar but for him, there was nothing to compare.  He was just pale and the sun was the only way to correct it. 

“Hey.”  She was surprised to see him here.  He was inseparable from Tanith these last three days.  There was a lot to make up for the last four years. 

“Mind if we talk?”

Meryl looked at Charlie and knew instantly that this was a different Charlie approaching her.  He was serious.  Charlie never really wanted to have a “talk”.

“Okay.”

Charlie extended his hand out.  Meryl placed her much smaller hand in Charlie’s grasp and felt him gently pull her out of the chair.  She expected him to let go of her hand as they walked but he continued to hold on, as if they were on the ice, getting ready to skate.  Charlie had found two empty chairs at a table, the farthest away from anyone’s prying ears.  He wanted to be alone with Meryl.

He pulled out a chair for Meryl to sit down and he sat opposite of her.  Meryl was dying of curiosity.  Charlie was nervous and that made Meryl nervous.  He didn’t need to tell her what he was feeling, she could feel it radiating from him.  They fed off each other.  Seventeen years together made it impossible not to.

“I never really told you up front, you know,” Charlie fidgeted in the chair near Meryl.  “I mean I’ve told you but I’ve never really told you face to face.  I think when I said those words it was in the moment and I feel like I should have said them more often at a different time, instead of _that_ moment.”

Charlie turned his head to the right to take a good look at Meryl.  She had her right eye brow raised. He was rambling on and on.  It was a clear indication that she was curious to know where he was going with the conversation.  Charlie, too, didn’t know where and how he wanted the conversation to go.  He knew how to get the end result but how to get there was different. 

“I love you.  I really do.  You mean so much to me.  I never really told you either, how much I appreciate you and your friendship…to thank you really.  It’s quite undeserving.”

Meryl gave Charlie a small smile.  “You are deserving.  You are a great individual.  I am the person I am today because of you.  There’s no doubt about that…we both deserve each other,” Meryl quickly responded.

Charlie bit his bottom lip because he knew that she was right.  They fit exactly right.  They were soul mates in every sense of the word. 

Charlie needed to continue, “You are my best friend.  I’ve never told Tanith because I know in her heart she knows.  There’s an unspoken understanding and I truly believe she’s okay with it.  It’s like how I understand her with Ben; there’s just something different about our relationships.  I, at least, hope she does.  I hope, because I really don’t know what I would do if she didn’t.”

“Charlie,” Meryl started, “I know.  I feel the same way.  You’re my best friend.  There’s no one that will ever take your place, regardless.”

Charlie moved again in his seat.  He started tapping his right foot on the floor and his hands immediately went into his pockets.  “I’m really scared Meryl…of what’s going to happen to us.  I mean I know that we’ll be fine but there’s a part of me that knows that if we retire or stop skating altogether, there’s going to be this huge hole—a void that nothing will be able to fill.  Our relationship is so different.  There’s nothing like it.  There’s no one that can tell me how to move on from it, not even Tanith.  What she had with Ben was special, but this is incomparable.  No one can compare their relationship to ours, can they?”

Meryl pursed his lips and shook her head.  She knew that no one can understand what they were going through.  Like Charlie, she had doubts about how easy this separation was going to be. 

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Meryl smiled.  She had pondered the same question the last few days.  “I don’t know,” she responded, “skating still, finished with grad school, married, I hope, with kids on the way.”

Charlie sighed, “with Maks?”

Meryl laughed, “with someone who loves me.”

Charlie hesitated to ask any more information.  He knew that Meryl’s business was her own.  If she wanted to divulge more info, she would have.  The fact that she didn’t, Charlie knew when not to press.  If he did, she would only just give him a look of disapproval.  Maybe Charlie was subconsciously hoping that she would tell him and maybe hoping that she would completely deny that it wouldn’t be Maks waking up next to her every morning for the rest of her life.  So he knew that in his heart that she would never tell.  Even if she did tell, there was nothing he would do about it. 

“I’m going to ask Tanith to marry me,” he finally confessed.  Charlie looked over and waited to see what Meryl’s reaction would be.  If there was one, Charlie didn’t notice.  “I mean we just bought a house together.  It’s the next move, right?”  Charlie’s final statement came out more as a question.  He didn’t know why it sounded as if he needed approval from Meryl or as if he was asking her if this was the right move.

Meryl stood up from her chair and went over to Charlie.  Charlie looked up at Meryl and for a brief moment, he thought he saw a glint of sadness in her eyes but she moved to hug him instead.  Charlie lifted his arms and wrapped his arms around her. 

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered in his ear.

Meryl felt Charlie hug her harder.  She wasn’t expecting the intensity of his arms around her.  She knew that these few moments with Charlie were going to be few and far in between so she relished in them.  Who knew when she would be able to be like this with him?  There were the moments on the ice that they will be able to share but it was with thousands of people looking on.  Here, on the beach, it was just them, one on one. 

Charlie pulled back.  “Are you?” 

Meryl smiled and nodded.  “Of course I am.”

Charlie gave a big sigh of relief and gave her one of his signature smiles.  “Good,” he giggled and joked to lighten the somber mood, “if I could I would choose you as my best man, you know, but I think Tanith would have a fit.  You’re going to have to settle being a bride’s maid again.” 

“I think I can deal,” Meryl responded with a small laugh of her own.  “Can you imagine me in a tuxedo?  At least it’ll get me out of planning a bachelor party.  I think the guys would be _very_ disappointed if I was in charge of that spectacle.” 

Charlie laughed.  “I love you Mer.”

“I love you too Charlie.”

Charlie never realized how three little words could be so disheartening, especially coming from the mouth of the woman who he had truly loved all his life.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

The ten days spent in Hawaii was not enough.  If Meryl had spent two more weeks on that island, it still wouldn’t be enough.  She needed the white sand beaches, the clear blue waters, but most especially peace and quiet.  Going back to Michigan meant back to reality.  Although spring had come to Meryl’s home state, it was nothing compared to the warmth of Hawaii.  Nothing compared to Hawaii.  In Hawaii, nothing mattered; everything can wait.  Back home, decisions needed to be made.

Falling for Maksim came unexpectedly.  Even then she wasn’t sure what to make of what her feelings were.  They had originally started with flirting but dancing and being so close, every hour every day, changed everything.  It was a different closeness that she shared with Charlie.  With Charlie, there was a goal that they both wanted to achieve and nothing was going to come in between the two.  She had agreed to go on the dancing reality show because they had decided to go on if they were asked and they were.  If Charlie told her that he wanted no part, she would have happily agreed with him.  They were a team, first and foremost.  It was all supposed to be fun but dancing with Maksim became different as the weeks went by.  He was completely opposite to what Charlie was.  Maksim was passionate like fire, while Charlie was calm like water.  Meryl found herself enjoying being the object of affection from someone like Maksim.  

It didn’t take long before Meryl’s Iphone began ringing.  She looked down at the contact photo that was brought up on the screen.  It was a photo of her and Maks standing in the hallway, acting playful.  Her mother had taken the candid shot backstage during the show. 

“Hello?”

“Hi baby,” she heard his voice purr over the speaker.

Meryl couldn’t contain the smile from her lips.  She hated to admit that she had missed him terribly.  The show had almost ended two weeks ago and the separation was hard to get used to.  Meryl missed his company but didn’t want to come off as too needy so she kept mostly reserved about how she felt.  They had so much fun together.  He was such a flirt.  She teased him about it two weeks into the show and he never denied it. 

“Couldn’t wait, couldn’t you?” she laughed. 

“Teasing me, huh?” Meryl could literally see Maksim pouting into his phone. 

“I just got off the plane Maks,” she told him, “I can’t believe I’m telling you this is but your timing is impeccable.  It’s as if you were waiting for the exact moment for me to get off the plane and turn my phone on.  It’s as if you are watching me deplane as we speak.”

Meryl heard nothing but silence on the other end of her phone.  She stopped dead in her tracks and watched as her parents stopped in their tracks when they realized that she wasn’t following.  Her mother had a worried look on her face.  Meryl turned around and looked side to side.

Maksim started laughing.  “I bet you’re looking for me in the airport right now.”

“Maks, are you _in_ the airport?” she asked.  His laughter got even louder. 

“No baby.  I’m still in LA,” he told her after his laughs subsided.  “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Meryl grabbed hold of her carry on and continued walking. 

“Did you miss me?” he asked. 

Meryl smiled.  “Maybe…”

“Well, I missed you.”

“I missed you _a little bit_ ,” she told him. 

It was an obvious lie.  Meryl had a hard time refraining from dialing Maks’ number while on vacation.  She had promised herself that there would be no interruptions.  The vacation to Hawaii was all about her family and she didn’t want whatever that was going on between them overshadow her time with them, especially her grandparents.  She had explained to him before finally saying goodbye the day she left for Hawaii that she needed this to be about her family and he respected her wishes.  She almost hated it how much he listened to her.  She found herself desperately wishing that he would just call for the sake that she knew that he missed her as much as she did for him. 

“You’re such a terrible liar,” he teased her.

Meryl giggled.

“Anything interesting happened in Hawaii?”

Meryl remained silent for a moment.  _Did he know that Charlie was going to propose to Tanith?_   Charlie wouldn’t tell him before telling her, would he?  Meryl had to convince herself that Charlie wouldn’t do that to her. 

“Nothing really,” she told him. “I just basked in the sun all day, every day while I was there.”

“I would have loved to see that,” he told her.  She can tell that he was teasing her once again.

Meryl blushed.  “You’re such a jerk,” she replied.

Maks laughed.  “Am I embarrassing you?  Are your parents with you, watching you turning all red?”

Meryl turned away from her parents.  They already knew who she was talking to.  She didn’t need to tell them.  With Maks, Meryl had easily worn her heart on her sleeve.  It was the most obvious difference for Meryl since meeting up with Maks.  He had opened up a different side of her that no one had ever expected.  She was more opened with herself, emotions were easier to read.  Her mother had found it very refreshing.  There were too many descriptions that people had characterized her daughter as cold-hearted, icy.  Maks taught Meryl to let her guard down without worrying too much about the consequences.  He allowed her to be care-free and Meryl’s mother loved it. 

“So what’s on the agenda this week?” he asked her.

“Ummm…I don’t know,” Meryl responded.  She really had no clue about what to expect from this point on.  There were a few upcoming shows during the summer but nothing too strenuous.  She did know that she needed to get her act together if she wanted to finish her degree.  “I might swing by the university tomorrow to see what I need to do to finish my degree.  I have one more year then grad school.”

“In New York, I hope,” Maks immediately chimed in.

Meryl snorted.  Maks had expressed numerous times that he loved the idea of her moving to New York.  She would be so much closer to him and who knows where their relationship might go.

“I know Maks,” she told him laughing, “you’ve proven your point.”  Meryl recalled the list of pros and cons that Maks laid out for her.  Meryl found it adorable considering she had once told him that she was a ‘let’s prepare a list’ kind of girl.  “We’ll just see how it all plays out.”

The conversation continued for a few more minutes while Meryl waited beside her family in baggage claim.  Maks was sweet as always, occasionally dropping hints for her to move to New York after the school year but Meryl just ignored it.  He was purposely trying to bait her for a confirmation and she wasn’t ready to commit to it just yet.  She wanted to be at home to readjust to her life before it became chaotic again.  Besides, she just wasn’t too sure about Maks.  She had gone through so many changes these last few months after the Olympics that she wanted to slow down the pace.  There was so much to look forward to but she just didn’t know where to start.  There was also the lingering topic that everyone wanted to talk about but was too afraid to ask.  Even Charlie deflected the subject and he normally was more straightforward with the press. 

_Was the longest partnership in US Figure Skating history going to hang up their skates before the next season starts?_

Meryl had to shake away the thought.  Charlie was right.  Like him, Meryl felt a void forming in her heart whenever she thought about it and nothing, absolutely nothing was able to rid the pain that ached in its place.  She needed to concentrate on the positive. Unfortunately the only real positive was getting ready to propose to his girlfriend and live their happily ever after. 

 

* * *

 

 

Meryl found herself driving toward the university the Thursday after arriving from Hawaii.  She found it weird being outside the skating rink during the week.  She still had to adjust that this was her break from the chaotic schedule that took over Charlie and her lives these last four years.  She readjusted her sunglasses on the bridge of her nose.  The sun was beating down on such a gorgeous day.  Meryl really had nothing to complain about.  She really loved Michigan in the spring and the idea that she was mostly home for the remainder of the year made her extremely happy.

Just as Meryl turned onto the exit that led to the university, her phone rang.  It was Charlie.  She instantly recognized the ringtone.  Meryl tapped onto the Bluetooth on her steering wheel and expected a burst of Charlie happiness through the phone.

“Hello.” It was really the first time Meryl had ever offered a greeting first.

“Hi,” Charlie responded with a tad of anxiousness in his voice.

“Charlie?  What’s wrong?” Meryl couldn’t hide the worry away from her voice.  This wasn’t the peppy Charlie she was used to.

“Nothing.  Just needed to talk to someone.”

“ _Sheesh Charlie_.  Your voice.  I thought you were in trouble or something,” Meryl replied.

Charlie remained silent.  “Charlie?” she asked again, “is there something wrong?  Do you need help?”

“I’m nervous, Mer,” he confessed.  “ _Really nervous_.”

Meryl was confused.  “I don’t understand.  Nervous about what?”

“Tanith.  I’m planning to ask her to marry me, remember?”

Meryl had completely forgotten.  These last few days after her vacation she had been caught up with trying to get acclimated to her life back in Michigan.  She had found herself busy with an apartment that really needed some attention, laundry up to the wa-zoo, friends and family to catch up with, and dealing with current relationships (Maks especially).  She couldn’t believe she put her best friend’s engagement to the back of her mind.

“I’m sorry Charlie.  Of course,” Meryl responded.

The silence on the other end was a sign that Charlie was disappointed.  She hoped that he didn’t think that Maks was to blame.  His reply only confirmed what she was dreading. 

“It’s okay.  I know you have other things on your mind.”

Meryl refused to be baited into an argument with Charlie so she chose to ignore his comment. 

“So is tonight the night?” she asked forcing her voice to sound happier than what she was really feeling. 

Meryl could tell Charlie was stalling.  She knew he was debating about what he should say or if he should continue with the conversation.

_Please don’t hang up.  I miss talking to you._

Meryl breathed a sigh of relief when she heard his voice once again.  “Not tonight.  This weekend though.  She’s in New York working so I’m heading out for the weekend.”

Meryl closed her eyes and bit the inside of her cheek.  She had to remind herself that she was happy for Charlie and this is what best friends do.  They support each other-no matter what.

“That’s great Charlie.  I’m so happy for you.”  Meryl thought that if she said it out loud she would believe the idea of Charlie marrying another was a beautiful revelation.  Instead, the words tasted bitter. 

“Thanks Mer,” Charlie told her, “it really means a lot to me.  I was wondering maybe we can get together tonight before I leave tonight, you know for old time’s sake.”

Meryl couldn’t explain it but she felt her heart clench.  Her eyes started to well up.  She knew she wouldn’t be able to do it.  It would hurt too much.

“Oh Charlie,” she told him.  “I wish you could have called me earlier.  I have a lot of things to do today and my mom and I had plans already for dinner later.  I’m so sorry.  Maybe when you get back we can have a celebratory dinner.”

“That’s okay.  I know; it’s kind of last minute.”

“So dinner when you get back?”  Meryl’s question came out as she pursed her lips and closed her eyes to prevent the tears from forming. 

“Yeah…that sounds great.  We could all go out to dinner,” he responded.

“Okay.  Well, I’m going to let you go.  Good luck with tonight.  I’ll be thinking about you.  I mean, I’ll be thinking about you both.  Tell Tanith I said congratulations.”

“Thanks.  Tell your mom I said hi and have fun at dinner.”

“I will,” Meryl said as she stalled to hang up the phone.  _Love you Charlie._ She wanted to say it one more time, hoping that he would reply back with the same sentiment but held off instead, she told him to take care.

Meryl finally hung up and breathed a sigh of relief.  She felt guilty.  She had never lied to Charlie before but she couldn’t subject herself to having dinner with him.  She couldn’t bear the thought of Charlie showing her the ring and talking about _their_ future together.  It would just hurt too much.

 

* * *

 

Charlie looked down at his phone to see if Meryl had ended their phone call.  She did.  He hesitated for a few seconds, maybe hoping that she would call back, changing her mind on dinner but there she didn’t.

“So?” Charlie heard his mother’s voice travel across her kitchen. 

It was Jacqui’s idea that Charlie have dinner with Meryl before his trip out to New York. For old time’s sake she had insisted. 

“She had plans that she couldn’t break,” he told his mother, “I should have called earlier.  I should have thought about it earlier.”

Jacqui looked at her son and instantly knew that he was holding back something.  Charlie was never good at lying.  He was trying to defend Meryl about something.  This was a huge moment in Charlie’s life and Meryl would never deny having dinner with her son especially before a momentous occasion like his engagement.  Something was wrong but Charlie avoided eye contact.  She knew that she couldn’t press him for information.  This was his way of subtly telling her mother to back off.

“I didn’t know she had plans,” Charlie turned about when Cheryl entered the kitchen. 

Charlie smiled at Meryl’s mother.  “Must be with the girls.  I don’t know.  She didn’t say.  It’s okay.  I’ll just spend my time before my flight with you lovely ladies.”  He needed to cover for her.  They didn’t need to know that she had essentially denied his invitation. 

Once Charlie heard Meryl tell him that she had made dinner plans with her mother, he instantly knew that Meryl was trying to avoid any kind of interaction with him.  He was hurt but he understood.  He felt the same way when Maks was around.  There was a feeling of envy and jealousy that he couldn’t understand. 

Jacqui had invited Cheryl to her home to tell Charlie’s good news of his impending engagement.  Her surprise quickly turned into sadness when Charlie told her.  He wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction.  She was always supportive of Charlie and Tanith so her facial expression took him aback. 

“Meryl never told me,”she explained when she noticed the pained look on his face, “she does know, right?  You did tell her?”

“Of course I did,” he replied, “she was the first one I told, in Hawaii.”

Cheryl’s eyes turned from sadness to relief as Charlie explained. 

“I can’t believe she wouldn’t break off her dinner with the girls,” Cheryl told him, “if you want I can call her and convince her to.”

Charlie laughed.  The idea made him think about the days when Meryl and Charlie were forced to hang out together to for bonding purposes.  “No, I think that won’t be necessary.  We’re going to have dinner when I come back.  We can celebrate then.”

Jacqui and Cheryl looked at Charlie.  He knew that they were over analyzing their relationship, friendship, or whatever people would call it. 

“Stop it,” he immediately told them, “you guys are doing it again.  We’re good.  Meryl and I are fine.  She just had plans she couldn’t break at last minute.  We’ll have dinner when I get back.” 

Both women nodded and left the kitchen, arm in arm. 

“When I get back we can talk,” Charlie muttered to himself as if he too needed to convince himself that when he got back things will remain the same.  Things won’t change between him and Meryl.  She was happy for him as much as he was for her.  He continued to walk about his mother’s kitchen, “we’ll celebrate then.”

Little did Charlie know that his next trip back home was anything but celebratory. 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Charlie fiddled with the velvet box in the pocket of his jacket.  He was extremely nervous, more so than what he expressed to Meryl yesterday.  He couldn’t count the number of times he ran his fingers through his hair.  The tie around his dress shirt couldn’t get loose enough.  It felt like it was choking him.  He just needed to see Tanith.  He knew that once he saw her his nerves would calm down.

The plan was to meet his girlfriend down town in one of their favorite Italian restaurants.  He had already called ahead and spoke with the manager.  He had reserved a table in a secluded part of the restaurant to ensure their privacy.  Charlie was thankful that he had built a rapport with the manager over the years.  It also helped that the owner’s wife was a big fan of Meryl and Charlie’s.

The thought of Meryl ran through Charlie’s head.   How he wished he had gotten a chance to speak with her before he left.  He couldn’t remember the last time he had gotten a chance to see her face to face.  He was sure it was in Hawaii, the day after he told her of his plans to marry Tanith.  He remembered how distance she was with him that evening.  He found himself watching her more than usual at dinner.  She smiled like she always did when she was around both their families.  But to Charlie’s dismay, she stayed away.  Charlie really wanted to talk to her but Tanith was with him and he had already promised himself that the vacation was theirs to reconnect.  He also didn’t think it was appropriate to leave her and pull Meryl aside for privacy.  He would look too suspicious.  Tanith would have been upset (again).  That being said, he knew that the news had changed the dynamic of their relationship.  He kept insisting that it didn’t but in his heart he knew it did. 

Charlie sat patiently waiting for Tanith to appear.  He glanced around the restaurant only to catch himself thinking about Meryl again.  The Italian decor made it impossible for him not to. Meryl loved Italy. To Meryl, there was a sense of romance, intrigue, mystery and love that surrounded the beautiful country.  She mentioned before how much she would love to travel when their skating career wasn’t as hectic as it had been.  Charlie hoped that she would be able to fulfill her wishes.  This was the right time to do so. Everything had slowed down quite a bit and this was her opportunity to do so. He knew that she loved Michigan and that it would always be considered home but Meryl was keen on learning different cultures and lifestyles.  _There’s so much to explore Charlie!!_ He could remember being dragged outside their hotel rooms whenever they were in a different country—no matter how jet lagged and tired Charlie was.  Her giddiness and excitement was infectious and Charlie could never say no.

The sound of the bell at the door brought Charlie back to reality.  Just as he saw Tanith entering the restaurant, his Iphone buzzed.  It was his mother.  His mother knew that he was going to be preoccupied the next few hours with Tanith so he didn't understand why she would call at this time. She would have to wait and settle for leaving a message. Charlie wanted no interruptions.  He was already nervous as it was.  Feeling the added pressure by listening to what his mother had to say about the ordeal wouldn't make it any better. Charlie smiled at Tanith as she approached him then pulled out the chair across from him. 

“You look beautiful tonight,” Charlie complimented her.

Tanith smiled and kissed Charlie softly on the lips. “Thank you.  I wish I was able to get a shower in before coming here but the meeting was not as productive as we wanted it to be and then with traffic…”

Charlie shook his head and grabbed a hold of her hand from across the table, “doesn’t matter, you are beautiful.”

Tanith lazily brought her hand up to place a strand of hair behind her ear.  She then squeezed Charlie’s hand.  Charlie instantly felt her relax.  The stress that followed her through the door from work dissipated under the touch of Charlie’s fingers. 

After the waiter approached their table to retrieve their orders, Charlie and Tanith felt their mood shift.  No longer was it tense and stressful.  His nervousness was slowly but surely going away.  The velvet box in his pocket didn’t feel like it weighed a ton resting against his hip.  Maybe his proposal to Tanith was the right decision. 

Charlie’s Iphone vibrated once again.  It literally was shaking the small table.  It was his mother again.  Charlie picked up the phone and without answering it, he placed it within his pocket. Tanith looked at Charlie with curious eyes.

“Who is it?” Tanith asked.

“Mom.”  For a second, Charlie thought he saw a look of relief on her face.

“Funny.  She called me, too, right before I came in.  I was on the other line with work so I couldn’t switch over in time.”

His mother was probably trying to be nosy about the whole proposal extravaganza.  Charlie thought it was odd, though, that she was being so persistent.  She knew that he would call one it happened. It wasn't like Jacqui to press for details. She knew that Charlie would tell her in time. She, like the others, just needed to be more patient.

“Hmmm….”Charlie said out loud.

“Do you think anything’s wrong?” Tanith asked as the waiter delivered their plates.

Charlie began poking around his plate when he finally answered her question, “she would have left a message and from what I noticed, she didn’t leave any.  She would have left a message if it was important enough.”

Thirty minutes into their conversation, the restaurant’s manager approached the table.  He had talked to the manager earlier about helping with his proposal but his timing was a bit off.  Charlie was worried that the manager was taking his cue a little too early.

In a hushed tone, the manager bent down to speak with Charlie, “Mr. White, you have a phone call.  It’s urgent.”

Charlie’s eyes widen and immediately turned his head toward Tanith.  He lifted his shoulders, signaling to her that he was just as confused.  Charlie followed the manager to his office.  Charlie lifted the receiver and immediately felt his stomach turning.  The small room felt much smaller than it really was. He didn't know if it was because the anxiety he was starting to feel surrounding his body or if he just felt himself starting to implode. He really didn’t want to know what was waiting for him at the other end.

 _This was going to be bad._  

“Hello?”

“Charlie, it’s mom.”  Jacqui White was crying.  He could hear her trying to catch the sobs in her throat as she said each word.

“Mom,” Charlie said, knowing that the answer to his next question was going to change his life, “What’s wrong?”

Jacqui hesitated and Charlie heard her take in a deep breath before continuing, “It’s Meryl.”  Jacqui couldn’t stop them from coming.  Charlie felt his mother’s body shake through the phone, sobbing from the pain she was feeling.  “There’s been an accident and it's bad.  You need to come home.  You need to come home _now_."

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

The flight back to Michigan was the longest flight that Charlie had ever experienced. He's been around the world at least twice now but this six hour flight was was painstakingly slow. He couldn't keep still. He was a ball of nerves and he didn't know how to manage it. The passenger seated to his right was getting anxious herself watching Charlie tap his right foot like he was trying to put out a fire himself.

"Son, if you don't quit shaking your leg, I'm going to have you moved," she threatened Charlie.

"I'm sorry," he told her, embarassed.

The older woman took a look at Charlie and instantly knew who he was. She had lived in Detroit all her life and figure skating came a close second to her Detroit Red Wings as one of her passions.

"Where's your pretty little partner?" she asked.

Charlie quickly turned his head and stared at the woman. He swallowed hard and shrugged his shoulders. He started to feel his world tilt again. _Brace yourself Charlie White._

"She's a sweet girl, you know," she told him as if he had no clue that she was everything the older woman was saying and more, "don't know much about her but when I see you guys skate together, it definitely is a sight to see. Something special for sure."

Charlie swallowed hard and closed his eyes. There was no way that he was going to make it through his flight with this lady beside him talking about Meryl. He wished that he could tell her about what was going on with her best friend. He just needed to talk to someone about her. He was anxious and scared. He really didn't know how to deal with it. The only times that he really felt that way was right before competitions and in front of media but Meryl was always by his side. She had always eased whatever tension that could have been. It was just her being there that had a calming affect on him. No words needed to be said, no touching, it was just her presence that made it better.

Charlie shut his eyes hoping that the lady beside him would get the clue that he no longer wanted to talk about his partner. Unfortunately she continued on rambling about how good of role model, someone so lovely, and all the best reasons why he couldn't love her any less than how he felt.

He waited for the flight attendant to approach him and signal for her to stop by when she got the chance. Charlie needed a drink. He never really got the chance to submerge himself in the pain that he felt before he left. The phone call left him stunned and completely in shock. He couldn't tell Tanith, the words couldn't leave his lips. All she knew was that something bad had happened and that they needed to leave the restuarant immediately. The manager didn't even bother them about the bill. He knew Charlie enough to know that the alway peppy and wonderful gentlemen that visited them whenever he was in town had suffered incredibly bad news and the check didn't matter.

Charlie didn't even fight him about paying. He sat down in the chair across from Tanith, unable to move because everything within his body completely went numb. Tanith had to call Jacqui to get the news herself and when she received the awful news, she knew instantly that Charlie needed to go home. There really was no time to lose. Tanith still had a few loose ends to complete at work then promised him that she would be on the next flight out. She understood that he needed to go. If she was in the same predicament as he was with Ben, he would have been just as understanding.

Charlie request for three small liquor bottles. He really didn't care which ones. He really didn't know which ones he needed because honestly Charlie didn't know anything about liquor. The last four to eight years didn't give him the luxury. He occasionally drank beer but it was never in excess. Their training was too important to deal with late morning hangovers. They didn't have time to deal with that kind of stuff. They were in the rink before the sun rose and left before the sun dipped in the horizon.

The older lady looked at Charlie in shock as he immediately opened the bottles and tipped them back in such a rushed manner. He just wanted to let the fear escape him. He was so scared of the unknown. He didn't know if Meryl was seriously injured. His mother didn't offer any details of the crash only that from what Tanith told him, another car had pushed hers in the middle of an interaction when oncoming traffic hit her. He just knew that he needed to be home. He just needed to be by Meryl's side.

* * *

Charlie's father waited for Charlie in baggage claim. He was a bit tipsy and emotional so when Charles Sr pulled Charlie in for a hug, he broke down. The six to eight hours of not knowing was slowly killing Charlie and he couldn't figure an outlet for how he was feeling. He wasn't the type to hit anything or throw something across the room in frustration kind of guy. He was the I'm going to find something positive in the moment. This time he couldn't find it. He was lost and the one person who always led him to the right place couldn't be there to soothe him, to collect him from the chaos and bring him back to good old Charlie. He couldn't be that same guy because his other half was missing and hurt.

"How is she, dad?" he asked, not really wanting to know what the answer might be.

Charles Sr shook his head. Charlie nodded and found himself under the arms of his father as they walked out of the airport. His mother was with Meryl's mother, a friendship that was formed nearly twenty years ago when their children were paired together. Charlie knew that his mother didn't need to be any other place. Jacqui's place was right by Cheryl and Charlie didn't expect it any other way.

"Your mother wanted me to take you home Charlie," his father told him as they made their way onto the freeway.

Charlie turned his head, "I want to see Meryl."

"Not yet son."

"But..."Charlie stopped when his father looked at him. Charlie's father was a soft spoken man. He never really had anything to say. His eyes spoke more of the things that needed to be said and right now beside him, his father's eyes bore into him. Charlie knew that his father wasn't going to let him go near the hospital at this very moment.

"She just came out of surgery this morning so everything is still in a holding pattern," Charles Sr told his son, "I, too, say that you wait. The events are a still too raw. We need to take things slow here. Let her family..."

Charlie sat in the passenger seat contemplating about what his father was telling him. He could easily have disregard what his father was saying but when he looked at his father he saw the tears forming in his eyes. They were just as watery as Charlie's was.

"We're her family too," Charlie whispered.

There was no argument from Charles Sr. He knew just as much as Charlie that Meryl _was_ part of the family. They had grew up together, shared everything together. There was no mistake that Charles Sr and Jacqui loved the Davis' children.

Charles Sr looked at Charlie. "I've never asked you do anything for me Charlie but today I'm asking you for your sake to just wait one day."

Charlie turned his head a looked outside the passenger window. Everything was moving so fast outside as the car made its way to his mother's home. Charlie nodded in relunctance. "Okay, but I need another drink. I need one badly."

Charles Sr looked at his son and nodded in agreement, " Me too son. But honestly, we're going to need more than just one."

　

　

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Jacqui arrived home from the hospital that evening to a drunken husband and son. She entered the kitchen and stared at the two men sitting across from each other. Two empty tumblers before them, a half empty liquor bottle in between , and silence. Jacqui didn't know if a conversation ensued between the two men but honestly she couldn't blame them if not a single word was uttered.

Charlie stood up and approached his mother. Jacqui's arms immediately went over Charlie's shoulders and pulled him in. Jacqui then felt what she had expected when coming face to face with her son the first time after that fateful phone call. She braced herself firmly on the floor and waited for her son's body to fall apart. She practically had to hold him up. Charlie was a mixture of complete exhaustion and emotional wreck. He couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He pressed himself harder against his mother's body, similar to that of a baby and its nurturer, and then the sobs took over.

Ten minutes after Charlie's cries subdued, he was able to gather himself to ask his mother a few questions. They had moved to the living room. Jacqui knew that Charlie was exhausted and was hoping that the living room would be a place where he might be able to let go for a few hours and sleep. Charlie sat at the end of the couch, the opposite side to where his mother was sitting. His father had taken his place in the leather recliner.

"I'm going to see her tomorrow," he told them. Charlie needed to tell his parents that his decision was made and no one was going to deny him from seeing her.

Jacqui looked up at Charlie then turned her head toward her husband's direction. Charles Sr shrugged his shoulders as if telling her that this was a battle that she would have to fight on her own.  He understood what Charlie was going through. 

"I don't think that's a good idea," Jacqui quietly responded. "Let's wait for another day or two."

Charlie's eyes betrayed him. Jacqui tore her eyes away from her son and looked at her husband. She didn't have the strength to look at her son without breaking down. She knew that he wanted to see Meryl but she also knew that seeing her in the state that she was in would be an awful experience for Charlie. Meryl was bruised all over, with cuts covering her face and neck. Doctors and nurses came in constantly.

"Mom..." Charlie started.

"Charlie," she interrupted him," let the hospital staff do what's necesssary first. It's been only a day after the accident. Meryl's family has yet to come to grips with what is all happening. Let's just wait a day or two. That's all I'm asking."

"You've already decided for me, didn't you?" Charllie said.  "And if I don't care what you're telling me."

Jacqui shrugged her shoulders, knowing there's was a chance that she was going to be defeated but she became persistent.  "I'm sorry Charlie. We, Cheryl and I, think that this would be the best way to approach this. We're looking out for everyone's best interests, especially yours. You have to trust us on this.  Please."

Charlie stood up and walked over to the bay window that overlooked his parent's backyard. Fireflies buzzed around the yard, causing a beautiful array of lights flickering in the air. Over his shoulders, Charlie spoke with a kind of determination that both his parents knew they weren't able to deny him even if they tried, "Two days. I'll wait two days tops, then I'm heading out there. I'll find a way to get to her and there's no one, absolutely no one, in this world that will stop me."

* * *

Charlie stood outside the hospital two days after he arrived in Michigan. His mother had asked if he wanted her to go with him but Charlie simply shook his head and walked out the door. He didn't want to give her a chance to argue with him or worse, change his mind about going. He couldn't wait any longer. Two days was long enough, being only so many miles away from where Meryl was at. He spent majority of his time outside on his porch just waiting for time to pass by. Even at night when everyone was asleep, he sat in his room listening to the hands of the clock tick away.

He couldn't sleep. Whenever he did manage to close his eyes, Meryl was there waiting for him. They were never true nightmares. Nothing terrible happened to her in his dreams, but she was there being silly and smiling like she always did whenever they were together. Charlie always woke up broken hearted.

Charlie stood up straight just ahead of the automatic doors, the security guard looking at him with keen interest. He knew he needed to move ahead. He didn't want to lose his chance of seeing Meryl. Charlie glanced toward the directory that was placed near the elevator. Room 812. His mother had told him this morning that Meryl had been moved to room 812. The worse was over and she was in stable condition.

Charlie stood alone in the elevator as he pushed the number eight button and waited for the doors to close. As the elevator ascended one floor at a time, Charlie felt his stomach turn against him. He should have eaten something this morning he muttered to himself. It had been close to three days that Charlie had eaten anything with substance.  If he did though, Charlie knew that he couldn't make it past the front doors without wanting to throw up.

The doors to the elevator opened and the nurses behind the counter looked up to see who was entering their floor. The head nurse instantly recognized who Charlie was and gave him a small smile. Charlie wished that he brought a bouquet of flowers, balloon, or something. With the flowers, he could have used it to occupy his hands rather than delving them into his jean pockets-a sure sign of insecurity and fear. With the balloon, he could have easily covered his face, masking the red eyes and nose, along with his flushed and tear stricken cheeks. Best of all it would have prevented him was seeing everyone's faces when they recognized him. They all gave him pity smiles, a constant reminder that there was a chance that he could have lost his best friend and partner.

Charlie didn't need to ask where Meryl was. The nurse told him.

"Room 812...she's in room 812," he heard her say as he approached the nurses' station. Charlie nodded, took a deep breath, and turned to move forward but stopped when he heard his name. He got _the_ look again. "We're sorry."  Two simple words that meant the world to Charlie but at the same time destroyed him. 

Charlie's legs got heavier as the room numbers got larger and larger. The lump in his throat caught and on more than one occasion he had to clear his throat. Meryl's door was covered in notes, pictures, and postcards. With a hard push, Charlie entered Meryl's room. The room was decorated with flowers, balloons, stuffed animals, and cards. Charlie shouldn't have been surprised by the love that Meryl received from everyone, Meryl was adored by everyone.

Charlie slowly walked over to Meryl's bedside. It took all the strength he had to prevent himself from falling to his knees. Meryl was always petite but hidden beneath hospital sheets and tubes dangling and surrounding her body made her look even smaller. He casually paced back and forth from her bedside to the window with both hands behind his head. He looked like a crazed man, completely helpless.

He felt like throwing up again.  He was so completely exhausted, worse than a year's worth of training and he was an emotional wreck. The last few nights were filled with tossing and turning with images of his best friend laying in bed with the constant wheezing of machines and constant beeps from monitors.  Charlie pulled up a chair and sat beside Meryl. He grabbed her hand that laid closes to him and waited. There were a million things in his head, thoughts crashing into one another trying to find their way to leave his lips.

"I don't know what to do Mer," he started.

Charlie felt his throat starting to constrict. The tightness was only overshadowed by the tears starting to well up in his eyes.

"You got to wake up. We have practice to do. We have a show in Japan you know."

Charlie opened Meryl's hand and gradually dragged his thumb from the base of her palm to the tip of her middle finger. He used his thumb and pointer finger to grab hold of the finger. It reminded him of his niece holding onto his pinky whenever they walked through the park.

He continued to rambled on.  "I know...I'm an ass for talking about practice while you're stuck in this bed but I really don't know what to do or what to say. I'm trying to figure out what to say without being so emotional about it Mer but I can't." 

Charlie found himself laying his forehead on Meryl's bed with their hands intertwined.

"I'm so scared. I don't know what's going to happen to you and I'm so scared. I want to be positive and optimistic that you're going to get through this but Meryl, I just don't know."

Fear immediately turned into sadness as the sobs took over. Charlie felt his body shake. He couldn't remember the last time he cried so hard. He had been emotional before but not like this. He had dealt with anger and disappointment before because of how he skated or frustrated when training didn't work out the way he wanted it to. But he never dealt with the kind of sadness like the way he was feeling now, holding his partner's hand, caressing it the way he was,hoping that it would somehow stir her eyes awake.

"I wouldn't know what to do without you," he whispered, "we're supposed to grow old together and tell our kids and grandkids about our glory days, remember? You can't renige on those plans now Mer. So, if you could please..."

Charlie stopped when the pressure in the room changed. Charlie turned his head away from the door to recollect himself. He wiped the tears that left streaks on his face and then cleared his throat. When he turned around he saw Cheryl standing in front of him holding a bouquet of fresh flowers. Like Charlie, she too had a flushed face and red eyes. Charlie had to bite his bottom lip from falling apart again. Cheryl must have known how hard he was trying to compose himself so she went in the opposite direction and placed the vase full of flowers by the window sill. She didn't need to ask how he was doing, she knew. He was feeling the same way as she and the rest of their families were feeling.

"How long have you been here, Charlie?" Cheryl asked with her back facing him.

"An hour or so," he told her trying to not let his voice betray him, "just trying..."

Charlie couldn't finish his sentence. He didn't know what he was trying to do. Did he believe that Meryl would magically wake up to the sound of his voice? Or stroking her hand would let her know that he was there and that it was okay now to open her eyes? He did. He believed in miracles, stories in which soul mates found their way back to each other when one was missing and the other needed to be found. Meryl and Charlie were that; they were soul mates and nothing could keep them apart.

Cheryl walked over to Charlie and grabbed hold of his hand and it was enough to break down. His knees couldn't hold him up anymore. He fell to the ground and all the emotions he kept bottled up because he was 'strong' came rushing to attack him. Cheryl's touch opened the flood gates and Charlie couldn't help himself from sobbing like a baby.

Charlie wanted to tell her that he wanted it to be him in that bed instead of her, that he wasn't strong enough to be the one on the outside looking down. But it wouldn't be fair to Meryl either. He couldn't put her through the pain and suffering that he was going through at the moment. It tore him apart just thinking about what would happen if Charlie was in that bed and Meryl was the one going through the emotional roller coaster that he was going through. It was certainly killing him.

"Have you gotten any sleep since you arrived?"

Charlie shook his head. 

"I can't sleep," he told her. "I just can't."  Charlie wanted to tell her that whenever he closed his eyes, he saw her smiling face, heard her voice, and he couldn't bear it. It was too much for him to handle.

Meryl's mother pulled him closer. They needed this. Cheryl and Charlie were the two most important people in Meryl's life and they needed the strength that bonded them together to keep them from falling apart.

"I have every faith in the world that she will be okay, Charlie," she told him, "she's our little fighter and she will make it through this."

Charlie, through teary eyes and all, nodded. Meryl's mother was right. If anyone in the world was stubborn to fight through all this, it was Meryl.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events change their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Charlie raced downstairs and found his mother hanging up the phone receiver on the wall. He quickly looked through the refrigerator, hoping to find something quick to eat before heading to the hospital. The last thing he wanted to deal with was his mother's persistence over how important breakfast was. He was an Olympic gold medalist. He knew that breakfast was the 'it' meal of the day. He didn't need to hear it from his mother too.

"That was Cheryl," she started as Charlie looked over the fruit that was on counter. Charlie wasn't trying to purposely ignore his mother. He just wanted to get to the hospital as soon as possible. "Maks is at the hospital."

Once Charlie heard his name, he stopped dead in his tracks. He had completely forgot about Maks and Meryl. Cheryl must have contacted Maks. There was no media about Meryl's accident. He didn't expect it to remain silent long though. Word got around real quick in Bloomfield County. With Maks' presence in the suburbs, word would get around even quicker.

"He came in last night and is spending some time here before heading back to New York," Jacqui informed his youngest son.

"Who told him?"

Charlie's question took Jacqui aback. "I'm guessing Cheryl did. He did have the right to know."

Charlie nodded and stepped back away from his mother. There was no reason to dislike Maks. He did have the right to know; he was starting to be a fixture in Meryl's life. He didn't know where these feelings where coming from. Charlie was being overprotective again. He wanted to make sure nothing would hurt Meryl again.

Maks made Meryl happy for the most part. Charlie couldn't disagree that Maksim was good for her. He brought out the confidence that she had been lacking about herself for some time now. Maksim had made her feel beautiful and sexy all roll into one. She loved the affection that he had given her. It was one thing to have numerous people tell her how beautiful she was, it was another thing to _show_ her, and Maks did just that.

"I didn't mean it to come out like that," he told her, "I just had completely forgot."

"I know," she replied, understanding that the last two to three days was all about Meryl. "I just wanted you to know that he will be there at the hospital. I didn't want you to be surprised."

Charlie nodded. He then picked up two bananas and an apple before placing them in a plastic bag he found under the sink. He fished for his keys in his jacket pocket from last night. He then went over to his mother and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks mom," Charlie offered his gratitude then walked out the door

* * *

Charlie found Maks exactly in the same spot that he was in the day before, chair by her bedside, hands intertwined, and head bent down. The small window on the door offered a glimpse of how Charlie may have looked like when Cheryl entered the room. He felt like an intruder, watching the intimate moment occuring between Meryl and Maks.

Charlie knocked on the door out of respect for Maks. He quickly stood and walked away from the bed and faced the window. Charlie could see Maks' hand brush away one side of his face, obviously tears that had fallen.

Charlie slowly walked in and gave a nod to Maks once he finally turned around. Maks' eyes were bloodshot and his face was red, clear signs that this had been an emotional morning for him.

"How is she doing this morning?" Charlie asked, avoiding the normal 'how are you doing' question. Charlie knew how Maks was doing. He and Maks were sharing the same emotional toll that two men could only share when the one person that they loved was in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

"No progress," Maks replied, "but stable."

Charlie nodded.

"I'm sorry Charlie."

"Sorry?"

"I'm sorry that you're going through this," Maks told him.

"I think we're both going through this, don't you think?" Charlie responded as he walked over to Meryl's bedside. He didn't understand why he did it but he reached down and grabbed a hold of Meryl's hand. He caressed for a few seconds then let go.

"We are but what me and Meryl has is nothing compared..." Maks stopped himself from going any further.

"No, but she adores you," Charlie looked up at Maks before moving across the room.

"It's not the same," Maks told Charlie before continuing, "it'll never be the same."

"You guys have this undeniable chemistry," Charlie told him," everyone saw it."

Maksim smiled. "Everyone but one."

Charlie looked at Maks. He was confused. "I don't understand. You guys were the talk of the town days, weeks, and even months after the show. Who in their right mind would deny that there was a chemistry there?"

"She," Maksim pursed his lips together, "Meryl had her doubts."

"What?! She never mentioned it to me." Then again Charlie knew that Meryl wouldn't have said anything. Relationships were off limits, at least any relationship that dealt with Meryl. Charlie could talk her ear off about Tanith and Meryl was supportive of his relationship. She, on the other hand, was closed lip about her relationships.

"I tried to convince her that she was my soul mate and at times, she believed it, but she kept going back to the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"You," Maks told him, "you were and will always be the beginning Charlie."

"It can't be," Charlie defended his best friend," she knew that I was going to propose to Tanith. We had an understanding with one another."

Charlie thought he saw a glimmer of hope in Maks' eyes when he mentioned his plan to propose to Tanith.

"She understood everything perfectly," Maks told him. "It's hard to just let go, you know?"

Charlie remained silent. He waited for Maks to continue but he didn't. Charlie was trying to analyze what Maks was telling him and he honestly didn't know what to make of it. Meryl always had the right answer for any question that dealt with Charlie and her relationship, so much that Charlie mirrored her response but with different words. He figured that it was what she wanted him to say about their relationship.

"I envy your relationship with her," Maks said then continued, "if you really want to talk about soul mates, you just need to take a look in the mirror with Meryl."

"It'll never evolve into something like that Maks," Charlie insisted. "Meryl is not the type to lead a guy on. It's not her thing."

"I'm not saying that what she felt towards me wasn't real, it was. It's just different. I can tell that girl a million times over that I love her and she would accept every one of them but in the back of her mind, she'll still have doubts."

"Doubts about what?" Charlie asked.

"Doubts about surrending her heart completely to me," Maks replied.

"I think you guys just need time to figure out everything. I mean it's been only about two months since the end of the show. It's taken Tanith and I close to five years to get to this point, you know?"

Maksim nodded his head. "I would give one hundred and ten percent of me to her. I would do anything for her. I would go to the ends of the earth for her."

"We all would," Charlie quickly added.

"I've never felt this way about a woman. She had completely disarmed me. I had never expected it," Maks confessed.

"Well, when once she gets out of this hospital, you guys will have all the time in the world to figure everything out."

"That's the thing Charlie, I've already figured it out," Maks told him, "she's the one that I would give my everything to." Maks stalled and Charlie knew that there was more that he wanted to add. "I would give her everything and if she only gave me half, I would be completely satisfied with it because honestly, it would be enough just to be loved by her."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real event. Anything else is coincidental.

Maks left three days after his initial visit with Meryl. Charlie really didn't expect him to stay too long. He was honestly surprised that he stayed that long to begin with. It wasn't because he didn't think Maks didn't care. It was apparent that Maks was uncomfortable with both families. Although everyone was friendly, Maks just seemed out of place and when he mentioned heading back to New York City, Charlie had no reason to be disappointed.

"I think it's safe to say that she's in good hands," he told Charlie, sadness etched across his face. Maks was almost just as tired as Charlie was. He spent majority of his days and nights near Meryl, along with Charlie, until visiting hours were over.

Charlie felt bad. It wasn't that neither family was unwelcoming. There was so much history between both families that anyone from the outside trying to help felt just that, they were on the outside.

"I'm sorry that you have to go," Charlie said as he watched Maks fiddle with his hair.

"Me too." Maks looked around Meryl's room, hoping to find something to distract him away from Charlie staring at him. "I really don't want to go but..."

"Don't worry about it," he said. "No one can expect you to wait here like this. We understand. If anyone says anything about you going when she needed you most, I will certainly shut them down. Besides, Meryl wouldn't have wanted you to sit here and wait for something to happen."

"You're a good man Charlie. Thank you."

And just like that, Maks was gone and Charlie was once again the only man by Meryl's side.

* * *

The news came in when Charlie was across town. He had two meetings that morning. One with their agent and the other with a news reporter. The first meeting was short and quick. Charlie and their agent needed to discuss Meryl and Charlie's upcoming ice skating engagements. As expected, everything was on hold. There would be no timeline. Charlie just wanted to make sure that Meryl would be taken care of. He didn't care too much about ice dancing. It was the last thing he had on his mind. 

Jacqui and Cheryl had insisted that Charlie speak to the media. Word had let out that Meryl Davis, Olympic Gold and Silver medalist, had been severely hurt in an accident. Charlie was surprised that it took almost a week for the media to get hold of her injuries. What began as local coverage turned national and the media circus began. He wanted to avoid speaking to the press as much as possible. The hospital had initially made their statement and Charlie thought that that was enough but obviously it wasn't. People clamored for more information. What kind of information, Charlie didn't know. He, like the rest of the nation, was waiting for something to happen.

"You need to talk to them," Jacqui was persistent. "If not, they will be camped outside waiting and hounding who ever is close to her with questions.  Rumors will spread and that's never good."

Charlie stood near his mother in Meryl's hospital room looking outside the window. It was such a beautiful morning and Charlie hated it. He wanted the clouds to turn gray and hover over the hospital. If it was raining and storming, it would have been better. He wanted it to match his mood. Charlie really hated the idea of talking to the press.

"They should be satisfied with what the hospital gave them," Charlie told her. "I don't have anything more to add."

"You know what they want," Jacqui responded with a soft touch of her hand on his arm.

Charlie nodded. The media wanted to see an emotional Charlie on national television. They wanted to see how Charlie White, Meryl Davis' partner and best friend, was holding up. "I don't think I can handle an interview at the moment, mom. I'm a wreck as it is. With you guys I can handle because we're all going through this together but with a stranger and in front of bright lights...I just can't deal."

Jacqui turned to look at Charlie. She knew that talking to the media would be hard for him. Public relations training didn't prepare him for this kind of scenario. Meryl and Charlie always presented themselves together as a team. This time there was no team and Charlie didn't have anyone to lean on if the questions got rough. There was no hand to hold, no rub on his back, or any simple touch that reassured him that she was there for support. Charlie had to expect that the questions would be rough and they were all going to be about Meryl.

He had been sitting across the news reporter in the cafe near the skating rink that he and Meryl trained at. They had recently sat down in a booth. Dan, the reporter, was polite and Charlie and he had met before so it was a small comfort to Charlie. He was also grateful that he asked Charlie if there was anything specific that was off the table. Charlie shook his head and waited a few seconds before confessing, "I'm not going to make it through the interview."

Dan looked at Charlie and smiled, "don't worry. I don't intend on asking too many pressing questions. I'm here as a reporter because I was assigned the job but I specifically ask for this assignment because I really wanted to tell you that I hope Meryl will be okay. My fiance is a big fan and admittedly so, I am as well."

Charlie nodded his head and could feel himself already fighting back his emotions. He felt his body starting to relax. He was no longer tensed about doing the interview. Just as Dan pulled out his steno notebook and began writing notes, Charlie's phone buzzed. It was his mother. Charlie felt goosebumps ride up along his arms. The scenario took him back to the Italian restaurant in New York when he had gotten the fateful phone call about Meryl. The news reporter looked at Charlie, waiting for him to make his move. He instantly knew that something important was unfolding before him. The normally confident Charlie White turned pale and was suddenly scared to pick up his phone. Charlie swallowed. His stomach started turning on him again and the lunch that was in front of him didn't look appealing at all. Everything about the sandwich was making him nauseous.

Charlie looked up at the reporter then his phone then back again at Dan. He couldn't decide whether or not to take the phone call and excuse himself for some privacy. Instead of making the decision on his own, Dan stood up and left the table.

"Hello?" the word came out with a little bit of fear in his voice.

"Charlie!" he heard excitement, mixed with heavy breathing, in his mother's voice. "Cheryl called! Meryl woke up! Come quicky."

Charlie didn't wait for his mother to hang up the phone before he stood up to rush out the restaurant. He waved at the news reporter and pointed to the general direction of the exit, making sure that he knew that he was leaving. The reporter nodded his head and smiled. Charlie didn't realize until then that he was smiling too. It had been too long of a week. He couldn't contain his joy. Meryl was awake and he couldn't wait to see her.

* * *

Charlie knew he had a few minutes to get to the hospital before Dan gave word that his partner was awake. He was grateful for the respect that Dan had given Charlie. He knew that Meryl was currently a main stream story but she was a wonderful human being and their partnership warranted the same kind of respect. When Charlie arrived, he smiled and waved at the reporters gathered outside the front doors. They were still assuming that no change had occurred and Charlie tried to enter through the doors with a calm manner. He didn't want to give anything away. There was a lot of time for questions and interviews later. Charlie knew that the media was something that he couldn't avoid forever.

Charlie rushed into the elevator and immediately pressed the number eight button. The elevators made two stops before getting to Meryl's floor. Charlie tried to refrain himself from yelling when another visitor held the door for another individual on the fourth floor. It felt like an eternity to reach Meryl's floor.

The elevator doors opened and waiting outside were Jacqui and Charles. He knew something was wrong once he realized that Jacqui's eyes were blood shot red and his father was holding onto her, as if he was trying to help compose her from breaking down. Charles rarely showed any kind of affection in public. The last time he did was at the airport when Charlie returned home from winning the Olympics. Even then Charlie was taken by surprise when he grabbed him for a hug and kiss.

"What's the matter?" Charlie asked with a sunken heart. "Is she okay? Is something wrong?"

Charlie's father nodded, "she's good Charlie, for the most part."

"Then what is it that you're not telling me," he responded. Charlie ran his hand through his hair, feeling the same uneasiness that he felt when he found out that Meryl was hurt.

His parents remained silent. They were trying to figure out how to explain what they needed to explain to Charlie. He could see the gears in his parent's heads turning. Being impatient, Charlie walked passed his parents and found Clayton in the hallway. Charlie approached him hoping to find more answers from him than his parents. Charlie can hear his mother's shoes clicking and clacking on the hospital tile. She was calling him name but Charlie continued to ignored her.

"Hey Charlie," Clayton said as he extended his hand for a shake. He glanced behind Charlie and made eye contact with Jacqui and Paul.

"What's going on Clayton?" he asked and then clarified his question, "with Meryl?" Not that he didn't care about Clayton's well being, Charlie wasn't going to make idle chit-chat when what he really wanted was to know how Meryl was.

Clayton took a deep breath and slowly dropped his head. He couldn't make eye contact with Charlie.

"Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on here?"

Charlie rarely cussed and by rarely, it was really never. Charlie White doesn't cuss. He never really was the type but everyone holding back on information regarding Meryl was making him angry. He turned around and looked at his parents.

"Should I just go in and ask her myself?" he asked sarcasticly.

"Charlie, no!" Jacqui quickly chimed in as he started making his way down the hall toward Meryl's room.

Charlie stopped and waited. He really didn't want to go in and see Meryl anymore. Everyone was making him fear the unknown. Charlie was a very positive kind of guy but everyone's actions were making him doubt his optimistic attitude. He was expecting a happy reunion with Meryl but there was something he didn't want to know in room 812.

"Dr. Kitchen!" Charlie's father's voice carried across the hall.

Meryl's doctor had just closed the door to Meryl's room. He looked up and saw Charlie standing in the middle of the hallway. Dr. Kitchen slowly approached them.

"Hello," he spoke in a deep baritone voice, "are you Charlie?"

Charlie knew that if he answered the doctor his voice would betray him so he just nodded. Dr. Kitchen gave him _the look_ and a small smile.

"I'm Dr. Kitchen, Meryl's physician," he told him and extended his hand out, to which Charlie ignored.

"Can someone tell me what's going on?" Charlie's question came out rude, mean, and harsh. He was growing more impatient by the second and he felt like resorting to violence if someone didn't answer.

Dr. Kitchen looked at Jacqui and Paul and they both nodded.

"Charlie," Dr. Kitchen looked at him then continued, "Meryl suffered some head trauma during the accident and she's having a hard time remembering things."

"O-kay, what are we talking about...amnesia?"

"More so, yes," the doctor continued," she doesn't remember the last six months in particular."

Charlie nodded his head to indicate that he understood, "it's short term memory loss right? There's a possibility that she'll remember it eventually." This was Charlie being optimistic.

"There's a possibility, yes," Dr. Kitchen replied, "there's also a possibility that she won't."

"It's not too bad," Charlie said, "she won't remember her Olympic win but she has her gold medal and we can help her with those memories. Right?"

Dr. Kitchen nodded then stalled. He rubbed his forehead. It was clear to Charlie there was something else that he was holding back.

"There's another issue with the head trauma Charlie," he said as he looked at Charlie in the eyes.

Charlie saw his mother move in the corner of his eye. His father grabbed a hold of her and held her tighter. Clayton turned around slowly and sat down. He bowed his head in anticipation.

"It's not the only thing she doesn't remember," he told him.

Charlie was confused. He shook his head and waited.

"Meryl doesn't have any memory of you Charlie," Dr. Kitchen said as a matter of factly.

"I don't understand what you're telling me," Charlie said.

"I don't know how else to tell you Charlie," the doctor said in a hushed tone, "but Meryl...she doesn't know who you are."

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Charlie’s world was spinning. The hospital was getting loud, super loud. The doctor in front of him was speaking but there were no words that he recognized. He just saw his lips moving.

"Charlie, sweetheart," Jacqui’s voice brought him back to reality, "do you need to sit down?"

He shook his head and stood tall. He wanted to hear all of what Dr. Kitchen had to say.

"I can’t explain but I have my theories," he started, "it’s almost as if she compartmentalized everything and anything that had to do with you Charlie. It’s weird honestly. I have never seen anything like it."

Compartmentalization was Meryl’s middle name. She was a perfectionist, an organizer, a scheduler, and everything above. She made lists for _everything_. Charlie had spotted her journal once when they were discussing their futures at a younger age and when he saw her rip out a piece of paper from it, he got a glance of the neatly written entries, meticulously written lists jotted down on paper. He wanted to make fun of her for it but he couldn’t. It was one of the quirks that he loved about her. Besides, her madness had a purpose and that made him rely on her more and more as years gone by. She made him better.

"I don’t know what you’re telling me," Charlie whisperedd, "all I see is your lips moving and I’m hearing but I just can’t seem to understand what you’re saying."

Jacqui stepped forward and grabbed a hold of her son’s arm. "Maybe we can get an explanation a little later. This is coming out so suddenly and too quickly."

Charlie shook his head and motioned for the doctor to continue. "There’s a section of her brain that holds everything that is Charlie and it seems her memory of you and everything about you was affected when she got into that accident. I don’t know how to explain other than the memory of you is being repressed."

"Repressed? Doesn’t that only have to do with bad memories?" Charlie asked.

"Well, that’s the thing," Dr. Kitchen adjusted his glasses and his eyes met with Charlie’s, "the brain is a funny organ. We don’t know much about it. We’re still learning. This is my first time dealing with this kind of circumstance so I couldn't really tell you much about it. We're going to have to run some tests..."

"So what you’re telling me is that my best friend remembers everything, with the exception of the last six months and me, the person who had been by her side, through thick and thin, and who has done everything with her the last seventeen years? She doesn’t remember me?"

Dr. Kitchen looked at Charlie. The old man’s eyes couldn’t hide his own sadness as Charlie broke down the scenario that laid in front of him. He had no words to respond to Charlie so instead he nodded his head.

Charlie swallowed hard and walked away. He needed some fresh air. The air in the hospital was choking him. The walls were closing in on him and he needed a wide space to breathe. He couldn’t bear waiting for an elevator so he used the stairs that welcomed his escape. Charlie heard his mother’s heels behind him clicking and clacking on the hospital tile. He knew she was going to follow him. The sun momentarily hurt Charlie’s eyes when he opened the door to the world. He needed to find his bearings. He didn’t know where he last parked his car so he just walked. Dr. Kitchen’s words were on repeat in Charlie’s head. _Repressed._ Charlie felt sick. He stopped and turned to the side and threw up all over the bushes. It just came out with such ferocity. He never knew that vomit could come out so harshly. He immediately felt Jacqui’s arms over his shoulders. He didn’t know when it started but Charlie sobbed and sobbed into his mother’s chest. He had found himself curled up on the ground, legs tucked underneath; arms against his own chest as if he was trying to make sure his heart didn’t shatter into a million pieces.

* * *

Charlie sat across his mother in her house. The tea that was placed in front of him was cold. Charlie couldn’t move. He didn’t want to. The numbness was taking over and there was nothing left for him to feel. He was tired. These last few days were exhausting, emotionally and mentally. He really didn’t know what to expect when he arrived in Michigan to be by Meryl’s side. He knew that she was going to come out of coma because all in all, Meryl was a fighter and she never quit. But the idea of her repressing the memory of him was too much for him to handle. Jacqui came over and placed a box of tissues in front of her son and rubbed his back. He didn’t realize that his eyes were welling up again and tears were falling.

His mother didn’t say anything on their ride home. She decided that he was incapable of driving himself to his house so she pulled him up from the sidewalk and carried him as best as she could to her car. There was no need for words. The silence was enough to let his mother know that he was heartbroken. The long stares out the window let her know that he was thinking of Meryl and replaying countless memories of their times together.

"It’s worse, you know," he finally spoke up, "than what I could have imagined."

Jacqui remained silent. She knew that he would continue. They always had a strong relationship and in time he would open up. She didn’t need to press.

"It’s worse than being dead," Charlie said.

Jacqui leaned over and squeezed her son’s hand. "Charlie…"

"At least if I was dead, she would still remember all the times we shared together," Charlie looked up at his mother and tears fell. He didn’t remember when he was ever this emotional.

Jacqui grabbed hold of Charlie and pulled him in for a hug. It was the only way she could think of comforting him. She too was heartbroken. She vividly remembered Meryl’s eyes and she entered the room to say hello. Meryl looked at her as if Jacqui had entered the wrong room by mistake. There was no smile to greet her hello as she always did. Her eyes remained blank and cautious. Meryl, too, didn't know who Jacqui and Charles were.

"We’ll work through this together," she told him. "We just have to patient. Give her time. She’ll come back to us."

Charlie looked at his mother. If he could stop the pain in his heart from reverberating so bad, he would have offered her a smile. But he couldn’t.

"I’ve always wanted to do this for you," Jacqui pulled back away from her son.

Charlie shook his head in confusion.

"I’ve always wanted to be the positive one when you’re down," she smiled but continued on hoping that what she was about to say would help Charlie, "she’ll come back to us sweetheart. I know she will. She knows where home is, we just have to help her by leading her the way."


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Charlie sat on a bench near the river by his house. He could hear the river lapping toward the shoreline, crashing against the reeds that were growing there. The fireflies came abuzzing early and Charlie watched as they danced with each other. The stars were out, giving a slight glow in the night sky. DJ stayed nearby, ears perked up occasionally when something caught her attention. Within seconds, her head would fall back again, close to Charlie's lap, with her nose nudging him just a little bit to let him know that she was there.

"I know DJ," Charlie said as he scratched the area between her ears, "I'm sorry. It's just..."

DJ lifted her head once again and waited, as if she understood that he was trying to figure out what to say and letting him know that she was there waiting to hear him talk his heart out.

"She doesn't remember me," he told her quietly. "I'm trying to figure out what to do next and I have no clue."

DJ whimpered and it summed up exactly what Charlie was feeling. "Me too," Charlie responded, "me too."

* * *

_"Did you ever want to just give up and be done with it?" Meryl asked._

_Their new coach, Marina Zueva, was especially harsh today. It wasn't so much directed at her. It was mostly toward Charlie but she felt him tense up every time she yelled and cursed . Meryl wasn't quite sure but by the way the words came out she knew they weren't words of praise. No one, especially at their age, should subject themselves to this kind of cruel and unusual punishment. Russian coaches were a different breed of coaching. Their word was the final say and there was no such thing as compromise. Everything had to be bigger, faster, stronger, higher._

_"What?" Charlie asked as he looked up at Meryl in the locker room. "What are you trying to say? Do you want to stop skating? Or is it just with me?"_

_"No, that's not what I meant," she quickly responded. Meryl wanted to make sure that there was no doubt in Charlie's mind that he was the only one that she wanted to skate with. "What if we do all this? Kill ourselves practically, for nothing?"_

_"It's not for nothing," he told her, "we love what we do. Right?" His last word was his way of questioning his own sanity through all the pain, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Charlie was thinking it too and Meryl knew. They were alike in so many ways._

_Meryl closed her eyes and quietly nodded. It was the first time that Meryl opened up about skating. She was normally the cool and collected one between the pair. Sitting across from Charlie in the locker room, Meryl let out a huge sigh. It was the only time that Charlie saw her really flustered about training. She was so good at what she did. In Charlie's eyes, she was the best. Charlie was the one that had to play catch up every time. He sometimes marvelled at what Meryl was capable of doing. She just excelled at everything she put her mind to. This was the first time Charlie felt the pressure taking on its toll on Meryl._

_"Meryl..."_

_"I sometimes have doubts about how good we can be," she confessed. "And if all the sacrifices we've made is worth it."_

_Charlie knew what Meryl was referring to. His broken ankle in high school was a godsend. He didn't say it out loud but he was glad that they had taken the whole year off. He knew too that Meryl was glad. They had been competing for almost a decade nonstop and they needed the break. What they didn't expect though was how much they missed it. The school dances, fieldtrips, and "senior" experiences didn't compare to the friends they made when they were abroad and the thrill of competing and winning against the best in the world._

_The sacrifices they made left both Meryl and Charlie still in college with majority of their friends graduating and moving on with their lives, married and thinking about babies. Relationships were at a standstill. Charlie had Tanith but at times it felt like it just went round and round. Meryl, on the other hand, was still trying to figure out what she wanted. She had been consumed with her career that anything else took a backseat._

_"We are good and we're going to be better, especially how we work together like this," he told her, allowing himself as well to believe in what they were doing. "It's us against the world, literally." Charlie gave Meryl a wink to signify the pun he added to the last part of his statement._

_Meryl shook her head, "you can be such a big nerd Charlie."_

_Charlie smiled and Meryl couldn't help but return his smile. "I'll tell you what Meryl. If you give me your all, I will promise to give you mine. If we succeed then it's all good, if we don't succeed then it's all good as well. We started this journey together and we're going to go through until the end, whenever that is. Whatever we do, we're in it together. I'll fight for you, no matter what. If you won't give up, then I won't either."_

_"Promise?" Meryl stared at Charlie._

_Charlie stood up and walked towards Meryl. "Promise."_

_"Even when the world is against us and forcing us to retire because we're so bad at what we do?"_

_"Even then."_

_"You won't give up?"_

_"I won't give up,"_

_Meryl pursed her lips, raised her eyebrow, and smiled. "I'll be holding you up to that promise you know."_

_Charlie extended his hand and Meryl placed hers in his grasp. It fit perfectly. "I know and I'll be keeping that promise too. It might take me a while to get going because I'm ain't no Meryl Davis," he joked but continued with a more serious tone, "I promise you that I won't give up, no matter how long it takes. You can count on that."_

* * *

"Charlie!"

Charlie turned around to find Tanith walking toward him. He stood up and slowly walked toward his girlfriend. He should have been a lot more excited but he had no energy left. The last day or so had completely taken the life out of Charlie.

"Hi baby," Charlie grabbed a hold of her and hugged her fiercely.

"Hi," she responded and took a good look at her boyfriend. "You look awful."

Charlie nodded with pursed lips. He couldn't disagree with her. He had taken a look at himself in the mirror this morning and barely recognized the individual staring back at him. His cheeks were hallow, hair was a mess, beard coming in, and bags formed, clear as day, under his eyes. He never looked so bad. He almost tried to freshen himself up by shaving and combing his hair but even those tasks seemed overbearing. He just didn't see the point.

"It's been a week," he told her. Charlie ran his tongue toward the back part of mouth and rub it against the top of his molars. It was his way of holding back any kind of emotion he was currently feeling.

"I know," she said, "your mother told me."

Charlie exhaled and ran his hands through his hair.

"I don't really know what to do," he told her. "I don't know how I can fix this."

Tanith squinted her eyes and shook her head. "You can't fix this Charlie. It has to run its course. You can't just let Meryl remember things. Even the doctors can't fix this. We all have to wait."

Charlie looked at Tanith and could feel himself changing before her. "I can help her remember things. I've been doing some research on the internet and all she needs is something that reminds her, a touch, a taste, a sound, any of the five senses. If one memory comes back, then will another."

Tanith shook her head. "Charlie, you can't fix her by googling for an answer. It doesn't work that way. Can't you see?"

"I don't believe that," Charlie told her. "There's a way. There's always a way."

Tanith walked passed Charlie then turned around. "You sound like a crazed man, Charlie, and desperate."

"Of course I'm desperate! My best friend doesn't remember me. Seventeen years...poof! Gone!"

Tanith stood in front of Charlie and bit her bottom lip.

"What?" he asked. He knew that she was holding back something whenever she bit her bottom lip.

"How long Charlie? How long are you going to wait for this process to work?"

"However long it takes," he told her.

"And us?"

"What about us?"

"You know I can't wait for you forever," she confessed.

Charlie shook his head. He couldn't believe what he was hearing from her. "Meryl doesn't remember who I am or my family and you're concerned about a wedding date?"

Tanith snorted out a small laugh. "That's not what I meant and you know it Charlie. Don't be an asshole."

"Then what? What do you mean? Help me understand."

"We've been together for almost five years now Charlie and I've waited patiently. Am I expecting more than moving in together? Of course I am. I'm sorry that Meryl doesn't know who you are but her family is there..."

"I hate you," the words came out bitterly and Tanith wasn't expecting it.

Charlie took a big gulp. Tanith was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it," he told her. He took a step forward and grabbed a hold of her once again. He placed his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in. Tanith's arms laid by her side and made no attempt to move them.

Charlie pulled away and looked in Tanith's eyes. Her tears had fallen and had already left streaks down her cheeks. "I can't just do nothing because I know in my heart if I was in Meryl's place...if I had been in that accident and my memory was wiped clean of her. She would have figured out a plan already. She would have already had a list of what she needed to do to get me to remember her. Every single day that passes by I'm failing her. I'm completely and utterly failing her. Meryl wouldn't give up on me and I won't give on her."

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.
> 
>  
> 
> So I had gotten majority of this chapter from an idea that I had while lurking (yes, lurking) through other people's tumblrs. Your hashtags and one-liners have been inspirational so I will give credit to where it's due. To fandrastic, greenfish, jlynne, and to the others who share their love for team charmer on their tumblrs, thanks for making me laugh and smile one scroll at a time. :)
> 
> hashtag I love that girl

Charlie didn't know what he was waiting for. It had been five days since word got out that Meryl had left the hospital. He still had no real plan. All he knew was that he needed to act somehow, some time between now and the near future. His mother had left him alone for the most part. Tanith had gone to her parents for a while. She needed to think was all she told him as they parted ways. He wanted to apologize for what he said that evening by the river but she knew that he was. No need to re-open fresh wounds because he knew that what he said was like inserting a knife through her heart. He knew that it was an asshole thing to say. No one says those kind of words to the girl they wanted to marry.

Jacqui had found Charlie in the living room going through old photos of Meryl. Photos from different places at different times. Charlie wanted to see if there was a specific photo that would be the trigger to remind Meryl of him. He couldn't find one.

"What are you doing?" Jacqui had asked. She had entered the living room, apron dusted with flour.

"Just looking," Charlie replied then continued by asking, "Are there any photos where we didn't look like nerds?"

Jacqui glanced over at the photo that he was looking at. She started laughing. "We were trying to get you guys to do something goofy rather than standing there looking so serious. I mean you guys were thirteen years old!"

"So we chose to do _this_ pose?" Charlie picked up the photo and turned it so his mother could get a good look at what he was looking at.

"Yup. You guys were so adorable," she said. Once she said it, Jacqui felt the lump growing back in her throat. She swallowed and Charlie could see her eyes getting watery.

Charlie was so concerned about what he was going through that he didn't realize that the rest of his family had also lost Meryl. Because of him, they were just as affected. Charlie never got a chance to realize that his parents were going through as much heartache as he was or even more so.

Charlie stood up and walked around the couch. He grabbed a hold of his mom and pulled her in for a hug.

"I didn't even realize that you guys were going through this whole mess as much as I am until now," he told her. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't need to apologize sweetheart," she said, "we feel the same way but we can not even begin to imagine what you're going through. Seventeen years together. Some married couples don't even last that long. We know this process is more difficult than what you let on."

"Tanith says that I need to let the process work on its own," Charlie muttered. He knew that saying what Tanith told him was in a way asking his mother if she was right and that he had completely lost his mind.

"Oh..." Jacqui responded then walked over to the recliner to sit down. "Is that why she left?"

"I don't know, honestly. I said something pretty awful to her the other day."

Jacqui waited until Charlie decided on his own to tell her. "I told her that I hated her."

Charlie watched as his mother's eyes grew wide. He can see the disappointment in her face.

"I know that there's no real excuse to be so mean but I was so frustrated with everything," he told her. "I was looking for a plan to help Meryl regain her memory but Tanith kept insisting that I couldn't fix her, that there was no real way to help. It felt like she just wanted me to give up on her."

Jacqui nodded.

"You know mom. I told Tanith this and I want to tell you this too. If Meryl and I had switched places..."

"Charlie, don't," Jacqui interrupted.

"No mom, listen. If I was in her position, you know as well as anybody, she would be the first person to figure out a way to help or at least try to. That's what made it so frustrating. It feels like I'm worthy as a friend, as her best friend, because I have no clue what to do."

"Meryl would never think you weren't worthy," Jacqui told her son. "You guys deserve each other. All she needs right now is time."

Charlie ran his hand through his hair. He kept remembering Tanith's words. _How long Charlie? How long are we suppose to wait?_

"Do you think I should go and visit her?" he asked quietly. He already knew the answer but asked anyway.

Jacqui stood up and shook her head. "Not right now sweetheart. I think the plan is to reintroduce her to the idea of you. There are people trying to piece together the puzzle for her. If you give her the full picture, so to speak, she might get overwhelmed."

Charlie nodded. "Do you think that if she saw me in person she could remember?"

"I don't know. Cheryl and Paul are working with worse case scenarios right now. They're looking at it with the idea that if she did see you and couldn't figure you out and you were just waiting for her to remember she would be upset and that's the last thing that they would want her to do. I have faith that their intentions is to get her to remember you."

"I hope so. I can't imagine my life without her, mom," he told her.

"Us too, sweetheart. Us too."

* * *

The skating rink was busy as normal. Charlie watched as Marina, their old coach, watched from the boards. He could tell that she was disappointed with the teams that were on the ice. He had felt that way when he and Meryl started working with her. They were constantly being yelled at. They knew it was _real_ bad when Marina changed from cursing in Russian to being completely silent. The teams were in trouble. Marina didn't peep a single word during the entire time he sat at the bleachers.

When the song ended the pair's routine Marina turned around and left the rink. Charlie looked at the couple and felt their confidence shatter into a thousand pieces.

"You guys did great!" Charlie yelled and clapped. Someone had to be positive.

It didn't matter though. The pair embraced one another and skated off the ice together. They too knew that it was an awful run. Marina's silent walk out was a clear indication of that. Charlie moved down toward the boards and walked the rink. He was glad to be in familiar territory. The ice was his home. He felt safe from all his "real world" problems whenever he was at the rink. The only problem that he had now was interconnected with the haven he called as a second home. This was the place that he shared with Meryl. Everything was connected with Meryl and the ice.

Charlie reached the area in front of Marina's office when he heard someone tapping against glass. Charlie turned to his left and noticed Marina motioning him to come to her office. Charlie gathered himself and slowly walked toward her office. He knew that she was going to ask about her and he needed to mentally prepare himself.

Charlie opened the door and walked in. Marina was sitting down in her chair, making some finishing touches on some paperwork that was left on her desk. She was muttering in Russian, speaking to whom Charlie had no idea. This was crazy coach Marina Zueva trying to calm herself down before throwing a conniption. Charlie wondered if she was talking about the pair that had just finished their run. How he wished Meryl was there with him. She could translate what Marina was talking about. She would have been able to tell him whether he needed to run from the crazy woman.

"How's Meryl?" Marina's voice brought back Charlie to reality.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know." Marina looked at Charlie more closely. She was trying to see if he had anything to hide. Marina read people so easily.

"You don't see her?"

Charlie shook his head in response. "They think it's best that I stay away for a while. The sight of me might overwhelm her."

Marina pursed her eyebrows together and shook her head. "You Americans are too uptight, too dramatic. She needs to see you. You need to see her. Once she see you, everything will be okay."

Charlie smiled. "I don't know coach, I think they're right. She needs time is all."

"Wasting time waiting I tell you. Meryl sees you, I know she'll remember. Can not just erase seventeen years together. That's hard...too difficult. You are in the corner, somewhere in her mind. Mind can not overtake heart. Heart always win."

"I hope so."

"No hoping. I know. The heart always win. "

* * *

Charlie had walked across the intersection to the cafe situated near the skating rink. The crowd had died down, only a handful amount of cars in the front parking lot, with the back almost completely empty. He was glad that he would be able to walk in without too much attention coming towards his way. In this part of town, everyone knew who Charlie was. This was a favorite place for Meryl and Charlie to unwind for an hour during their lunch break before hitting the ice again in the afternoon.

The hostess instantly recognized Charlie as he walked through the door and picked up a menu. Charlie wondered why she even bothered. All the wait staff knew that he was a creature of habit, ordering the same kind of food regardless of what season it was. He didn't need a menu.

The hostess led Charlie to a booth and placed the menu down on the table. Charlie felt a little uneasy being in the cafe by himself. He always had Meryl sit across from him, being quiet and running their morning practice through her head. She was always preparing their routines and mentally writing down the things that they needed to work on when they were finish with lunch.

To kill some time before the waitress made her way to his booth, Charlie picked up a menu. He didn't notice that there was two menus on the table. She must have thought that Meryl was running late and she would be there momentarily. Charlie felt a tinge of sadness creep into his heart and he felt his stomach tied itself in knots.

"Hello."

Charlie heard Meryl's voice and immediately thought that he was imagining it again. It had been a constant sound in his head these last few days and Charlie felt like he was officially going crazy. She had said it again but this time he felt her presence. Charlie slowly placed the menu that he was skimming over down on the table and looked up. He exhaled deeply.

Meryl Davis was looking down at him with cautious eyes and his heart broke all over again.

"I didn't know you were sitting here," he stood up nervously. He glanced around the cafe, never making any kind of eye contact with Meryl. He finally noticed her keys on the table. How he missed the familiar key ring, he didn't know. "I'm going to leave. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to....the waitress...Sorry. I'm going to go."

"No, please, don't. Don't leave."

Charlie turned his head and finally took a glance towards Meryl. It had been too long. Charlie was forced to purse his lips to prevent himself from saying something stupid or worse, to start crying because what he saw before him took his breath away. Meryl was always beautiful to him. He can easily remember how long her eyelashes were, how perfect her complexion was, and the way her eyes were full and bright--just taking in everything around her. He didn't care that there were some cuts by the side of her temple or that a bruise had lingered a little bit longer than expected by her collarbone. She was beautiful. She had always been that way to him.

"I don't know why they sat me here, especially since they knew that someone was sitting her already," he told her. He needed to start a conversation. The silence was deafening and she was easily distracting him.

"I'm sure they just figured..."Meryl drifted off the last part of her sentence. Charlie knew what she was trying to say. He should have known that the waitress just figured that because they walked into the cafe all the time together during the training season that she was waiting for him and vice versa.

Charlie nodded as if he understood what she was trying to say. She didn't need to finish.

Meryl sat down and Charlie followed suit. Charlie was nervous. He ran a hand through his hair and gave it a slight tug. Meryl watched as he fidgeted in his seat. The waitress had returned to the table with two glasses of water and pulled out her notepad.

"The usual?" she asked. The waitress looked back and forth at Meryl and Charlie. They both nodded at the same time, grateful that she left almost immediately.

"You have really curly hair," she told him when they were alone again.

Charlie smiled and gave a small giggle. "Do you not like it?"

"It's different," she responded and waited. Charlie knew that there was more to her statement. "Did I like your hair?"

Charlie felt his heart beat faster against his chest. _She doesn't remember._ "You think it's the best part of our partnership." Charlie raised his eyebrows and waited for a response.

"The hair?" she asked, deadpanned.

Charlie nodded. "Trust me, you like it this way than the other hairstyles I had."

Meryl gave Charlie a quizzical look and he couldn't refrain himself from laughing. Meryl smiled in response.

"How did you know it was me?" Charlie asked, trying to get away from the topic of conversation. Talking about his hair was making him uncomfortable.

Meryl looked confused then asked for clarification. "How did I know _you_ were Charlie?"

Charlie bit his bottom lip and nodded.

"My parents have been helping me remember certain things. We have a lot of photos together," Meryl said as she played with the straw in her glass of water.

"Oh god, they didn't show you the one with that ridiculous pose, did they?"

"Which one? There were _a lot_ of ridiculous poses."

Charlie laughed and nodded his head playfully. "Touche."

"Your voice too," she continued in a more serious tone, "it's very familiar. It's different from everyone elses'. It stands out in my head."

Charlie stopped laughing and became silent. He started tapping his fingers against the table then looked at Meryl. Maybe this was _the_ start that they needed.

"There are certain conversations that replay in my head and majority of it was said in your voice; unfortunately, your face isn't clear," she told him.

Charlie stalled. He was thinking of a plan to help.

"You can ask," Charlie told her. "And I will tell you if it's true or not."

The waitress approached their table, placing both platters in front of Meryl and Charlie. Their meals were identical, turkey sandwiches on whole wheat bread with a small side of pasta salad with dressing on the side. Training food.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," she finally said.

Charlie wanted to press but remembered what his mother told him. _We don't want to overwhelm her._

"Okay...we don't have to," Charlie reassured her.

"I trust you a lot, don't I?" she asked. Meryl's question caught him off guard. "I mean, I don't remember you but I had a feeling when we met just now that I don't need to be worried about having you around. I feel protected."

"No, you don't have to worried," he told her, " you can trust me as much as I can trust you."

"That's good to know."

Charlie smiled. He turned his attention to the sandwich in front of him. He picked up his sandwich to take a big bite and watched as Meryl grabbed a fork to work on her pasta. Some things never change he told himself. They sat in silence for the next few minutes, enjoying each other's company the way they normally did.

"You told me you loved me once," she blurted out when Charlie was fully engrossed in chewing down the rest of his sandwich.

Charlie immediately stopped chewing and looked up to stare at Meryl. Meryl continued picking at her pasta and avoiding eye contact as much as possible. He could see her eyelashes moving quickly. He watched her as she took a big gulp. She remained stiff, almost as if she tried hard to make herself invisible. Charlie instantly knew that she regretted saying what she did.

Charlie lowered his sandwich and swallowed the rest of what he was chewing. He took a sip of his water and immediately wished it was a beer instead.

"Not true."

Meryl looked up and immediately turned red. She was embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ask you that. It was uncalled for. I knew that I shouldn't have asked you. It wasn't right..." Her eyes kept moving from side to side, looking everywhere but at Charlie.

Charlie interrupted Meryl, "We had just done our final pose at the Olympics and everything just came at me. I pulled you close and I swore it was the only fitting thing to say. I told you that I loved you then. It was the first of many I love yous to come, maybe not in those particular words but in all the same context. So to answer your question, I didn't tell you that I loved you once. I told you that I loved you _more than once._ "

Meryl grew quiet and looked up to finally look into Charlie's eyes. Charlie continued, "Up until the Olympics I must admit that I didn't tell you that I loved you but afterwards...I don't know, it just came out much easier."

"Oh..."

"I should have told you before then but I was honestly afraid of what your reaction might have been."

Meryl waited a few seconds before asking, "so what _was_ my reaction?"

"You told me that you loved me too."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie after an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan faction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

"I told you that I loved you?"

Charlie nodded. "I think we were caught up in the moment. It happened right after we finished our free dance, at the Olympics."

Meryl fiddled with her fork. She continued to push her pasta around. Charlie knew the gears in her head were turning. She probably wondered what it had meant; why she had told him she loved him back. The words were meant to be simple. They were a reaction to the seventeen years of dedication and hard work.

"The relationship that we have. How would you describe it?"

The relationship question was asked a million times in numerous interviews and forums. It had been spun so many different ways that it didn't faze him at all. It was like a switch turned on and Charlie would answer on autopilot.

This time, though, with Meryl being the interviewer the answer didn't come out as easy as it should have.

"Our relationship is really hard to describe." He paused, pursing his lips together, studying his napkin. "It's complicated."

"Brother-sister?"

Charlie shook his head.

"Platonic?"

Charlie shook his head again. "Not exactly."

Meryl looked up and raised an eyebrow. "But not in _that_ way."

Charlie loudly exhaled. "Like I said before, it's hard to describe. I really never _looked_ at you like a sister, even after spending so many years with you. It's definitely something more than friendship, but..." He trailed off. It couldn't be boiled down to a simple term or explanation, of whether they'd gotten physical or not. It was more than that.

"I guess I just need time to understand what you mean by...complicated."

"Well, if you figure it all out, give me a call, because I would like to know as well," Charlie chuckled nervously in response.

Meryl turned her head to the left and looked outside the window. Charlie followed her glance and noticed that they had an unobstructed view of the skating rink across the road. Meryl bit her bottom lip and continued to stare. Charlie returned his gaze at Meryl. It was a long shot but Charlie was curious.

"Would you like to go and see?"

Meryl immediately shook her head. "I don't think so," she whispered.

Charlie could see the uneasiness and fear in Meryl's eyes. He knew that this was something that he couldn't push her on.

"That's okay. We don't have to. When you're ready."

"When I'm ready..." Meryl trailed off, nodding slowly.

Charlie looked at his half eaten sandwich and pasta salad. He couldn't find his appetite after Meryl had asked him about telling her that he loved her.

His stomach remained in knots, unsure of how he really felt about their relationship. It was _true_ that he didn't view their relationship as brother-sister or even platonic friends. It was so much more than that. Even Tanith knew that he and Meryl had something special, something more. She never questioned his faithfulness, but he knew it lingered on her mind. Late night practices made her question. Long days of media blitzes made her question. Long period between phone calls made her question.

"Would you like to take a ride with me?"

Meryl hesitated before asking, "Where would we go?"

Charlie stalled, making a face. "I don't know. We could just drive." He looked up at her, seeing her looking back at him, questioning. "Sometimes when things don't go our way, we just drive somewhere," he explained.

"Go where the moment takes us?"

Charlie's heart skipped a beat. "Exactly." _She remembers._

"Will this help?" she asked.

Charlie gave Meryl a confused look. "Will _what_ help?"

"If we take this drive together, do you think I'll start remembering things?"

Charlie looked at Meryl, disappointed. "I didn't ask you to take a drive with me because of that. I asked you because...."

Meryl's eyes met with his and she waited for him to finish his sentence.

"It--it's because I missed you, more than you'll ever know." He sighed, kneading his fingers together in front of them on the table. "I was scared Mer. I was scared that I _lost_ you. The only thing that I want to get out of this drive, honestly, is to spend some time with you. And...if you happen to remember certain things because of it, then, so be it. It's not going to be my priority, nor will it _ever_ be an agenda for me to be with you. I will never make our relationship part of an agenda, OK?. Our relationship exists because there's you and me, and that's it."

Meryl looked slightly relieved, and nodded. She slid out of the booth. "So...I take it that you're driving?"

Charlie grinned, "hashtag DrivingMsDavis."

Meryl looked at Charlie, confused. "What's a hashtag?" Charlie's shocked expression made Meryl burst out laughing. "Gotcha," she grinned back at him.

Charlie bit down on his lip to refrain from smiling like an idiot. Meryl turned around and Charlie followed, keeping his latest revelation to himself. Her eyes gave it away. Meryl Davis was slowly but surely returning home to him.

* * *

Charlie drove for thirty minutes, before knowing where he wanted to take her. He figured it out when he rolled down the windows half way, and glanced over to where Meryl was sitting. He remembered how she had looked so many years ago, except back then it had been her in the driver's seat.  There were just so many memories. 

Before heading down the highway towards the lake, Charlie made a pit stop at the local grocery store. There was something he needed to get, he told her, without giving too much away. Meryl looked at Charlie curiously. She knew that he was up to something. Instead of weaseling out information, Meryl let him go without asking any more questions. It only took Charlie roughly fifteen minutes before he returned to the car. Whatever groceries he bought, they were placed in the trunk, out of sight. They had continued driving another ten to fifteen miles. Charlie turned the wheel and pulled off to the left. Meryl turned her head and noticed the dirt road between the lush expanses of trees. A private property sign was hanging from a chain between two posts.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"To the lake. It's where we spent majority of our summers together. It's a private lake so there shouldn't be too many people around."

"Do the owners know we're coming?"

Charlie nodded his head, hiding a small smile. He didn't want to tell Meryl that the property belonged to his family, or that the White and Davis families had spent many summer weekends here by the lake. Charlie remembered Clayton chasing him around when he was younger while Meryl would sit in her chair, quietly reading a book. She had tried not to indulge in childish games. Every once in a while Charlie would notice Meryl looking up to see him having fun and he had known that she was thinking about joining them. But she would glance over to Charlie's sisters, painting their nails or sunbathing and he knew she was trying to act "mature," and didn't want to embarrass herself by joining them.

"So, what are we doing here?" she asked, looking around out the window.

"I just...wanted to show you the lake. It's really pretty out here and it's a beautiful day. Besides, I have a surprise for you."

Meryl looked warily at Charlie. "I don't like surprises."

"I know," he laughed. "Just this once, I promise."

Mery's gaze turned straight ahead and Charlie was glad that she didn't question him any further. She probably knew that he was trying to help her remember so she was going along with his plan.

Meryl really had no clue _what_ to make of their relationship. She had known from earlier conversations with her mother that Charlie had a girlfriend, and that there was talk of an engagement at some point but he hadn't mentioned anything of it. She was curious but she didn't want to pry either.

Charlie parked his car in the driveway of the old farmhouse that was situated on the property. Meryl stepped outside of the vehicle and glanced over toward the lake. It was beautiful. She noticed ducks flying and splashing into the water, diving for food. The lake was calm and peaceful, the complete opposite of her life athe moment. She watched as Charlie grabbed a pastry box, and two bottles of water from the trunk and started walking toward the lake.

Meryl followed.

There were three picnic tables aligned near the water and Charlie placed the box in the middle of one. He untied the string around the box and opened it. Inside was a small chocolate cake. Meryl giggled.

"I like this surprise," she confessed.

Charlie smiled. "I thought you would."

Meryl went to move around the benches of the table so she could take a seat, but Charlie stopped her with his hand. He shook his head and Meryl gave him a confused look. Charlie stepped onto the bench and then stood atop the table.

Meryl was completely curious onto what he was doing.

Charlie then sat down, cross legged, on one side of the chocolate cake. He motioned for her to join him.

"What are you doing?" she asked, increduously.

"Having chocolate cake." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "Join me."

"On _top_ of the table?"

"Yeah."

Meryl looked at Charlie one more time. The memory rushed back to her suddenly.

"Jake and Samantha," she whispered, a small spreading over her face.

Charlie grinned in response. "Jake and Samantha. _Sixteen Candles._ "

* * *

_**US Junior National Championships 2004** _

_**Atlanta, GA** _

 

_"Meryl."_

_Meryl felt a hand on her side and a forceful shake. She turned over found face to face with Charlie, in her hotel room. She immediately pulled her blankets closer to her chest._

_"Charlie!" she hissed loudly. "What are you doing in here? How did you get into my room?!"_

_Charlie flicked the lamp switch and the room was flooded with light. Meryl quickly gathered up her hair and used the hair tie by her bed side to pull it into a ponytail. She glanced over to the clock on the opposite table. It was near midnight._

_"Midnight, Charlie," Meryl said in a hushed, but angry tone, "Really?"_

_Her parents were in the other room. If she yelled at him, they would have rushed right on over. It was hard enough trying to convince them that she deserved her own room at sixteen years old. It was a good thing that it was only days beforehand that she celebrated her birthday. Any other competition, she would have been sharing a room with her parents._

_"Come on, Mer," he told her with a grin, "Get on up! We have to go."_

_Meryl shook her head no. "Are you crazy? Where are we going to go at midnight in Atlanta?"_

_Charlie gave Meryl one of his devilish smiles, and held his hand out to her, like an invitation._

_"I don't think so. First of all, you snuck into my room, how, I have no idea, then you wake me up at midnight and now you're trying to convince me to go with you somewhere in Atlanta? I don't think so," Meryl reiterated again, crossing her arms in front of her chest._

_"Your mom left her key on the table and, yeah,I swiped it, but it was for a good reason. Come on, Mer. Please..."_

_"You know I don't like surprises."_

_Charlie knew he was wearing her down. He extended his hand out again, and pulled her out of bed. "Trust me?"_

_Meryl looked up and shaking her head in exasperation. "You're completely ridiculous."_

_Charlie went over to her closet and pulled out her jacket. "You're going to need this," he grinned._

_"Honestly, Charlie, I am not leaving this hotel. We're in Atlanta, not Michigan," she reminded him._

_Charlie rolled his eyes and grabbed hold of her hand. "C'mon. Live a little, Mer. We just placed second at Junior Nationals!"_

_Meryl smiled, despite herself. She couldn't help but feel the joy that radiated off of him. They had worked so hard, and placing second at Nationals was a dream come true after seven years of working together, every day. She relunctantly agreed, and followed him out of the room. Outside her room, walking through the hallways their hands found each other again. They stopped at the elevators, and Charlie pushed the 'up' button._

_She looked over at him again, in curiosity. "Are you going to tell me where we're heading yet?"_

_Charlie shook his head. "It's a surprise."_

_"Charlie..."_

_"I know Mer, you hate surprises," he repeated, grinning largely. "It'll be worth it. Trust me."_

_Meryl sighed loud enough for Charlie to realize that she was getting annoyed by this charade. They both watched as the numbers lit up in ascending order. When it hit their floor, the doors opened and Charlie entered first. Meryl stood outside the elevator and looked at Charlie cautiously._

_"C'mon," he said, holding his hand out. "Have I ever done anything to put you in harm's way?"_

_Meryl shook her head, bowed her head, and entered, taking his hand again. She stood next to Charlie and she could instantly tell that he was smiling, even without looking at him. He was so proud of himself. Charlie reached over and pressed the 'P' button._

_"The pool area has to be closed Charlie. It's midnight. Why would you want to go up there?"_

_Charlie turned his head and looked at Meryl. "You talk a lot late at night, you know."_

_Meryl pursed her lips together and squinted her eyes at Charlie. "It's because you're making me nervous with all this 'it's a surprise' stuff. I don't like surprises."_

_The elevator doors opened and Charlie led her out, their hands still linked together. Meryl walked step by step with Charlie until they came to the door farthest from the elevator. Charlie knocked on the door three times and almost immediately, the door opened. An older gentleman appeared and stepped back to let them through. Charlie stepped aside and motioned for Meryl to enter first._

_Meryl walked through the door and found herself completely in awe. The outside patio opened up to the night's sky, with stars glittering throughout. It was virtually silent, save for the occasional car and the sound of crickets chirping in the distance. The outdoor patio had several tables but one in particular had been placed near the outdoor fireplace, where its glow offered some sort of heat. Meryl didn't even notice the chilly air. She was distracted by the scene in front of her._

_Everything suddenly felt warm inside her. Meryl turned round and watched Charlie conversing with the older man. The man had waved to Meryl then walked out the door. In Charlie's hand was a plastic bag with a small to medium sized box. He smiled at Meryl as he approached her._

_"How in the world did you pull this off?"_

_Charlie laughed. "Bribery."_

_"Charles White, you have no money. What did you do?"_

_"I used our backstage passes to the exhibition gala as a bargaining chip. The security guard's granddaughter is a figure skating fan and, well, I may or may not have promised a Meryl Davis meet and greet. I figured my chances were good after I pull this off. If I pull this off--"_

_Meryl shook her head and giggled. "We'll see."_

_Charlie placed the box in the middle of the table and climbed up. He had positioned himself crosslegged on one side of the box. He pulled the box out of the bag and started to untie the twine that held it together. Inside the box was a small chocolate cake. Charlie reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box of candles and began placing sixteen candles into the cake. Meryl bit her bottom lip and continued to watch. She instantly knew what Charlie was doing._

_"So...are you going to join me or just stand there with that ridiculously huge grin on your face?"_

_"Jake and Samantha," she said._

_Charlie nodded. "Jake and Samantha."_

_"I didn't know you watched...."_

_"Are you kidding? With my two sisters? I've seen all the important 80's rom-coms."_

_Meryl laughed._

_"So," he declared. "Are you going to join me or is this interrogation going to continue all night long?"_

_Meryl gave in, finally, and found herself sitting across from Charlie, atop of the table, the chocolate cake in between them. She started to feel herself blush. This was a scene right out of a movie and she was playing the part of a major character._

_"We did good here, didn't we?" Charlie's voice broke her away from her thoughts._

_"Yup, first of many I hope," she responded._

_"I brought you up here to celebrate your birthday. I know that this time of year is hard because it always coincides with a major competition. But with a win, it's like an added bonus."_

_"Thank you," she said sincerely._

_"Can you believe that we're going to be competing at the senior level in the next year or two?"_

_Meryl nodded. "It's quite intimidating. There's so much talent out there."_

_Charlie grabbed a hold of Meryl's hand and gave it a small squeeze. "We'll be fine. We have each other. I'm more intimidated with the fact that we're going to be juniors in high school." Charlie wanted to tell her that, if they had gone to the same school, he wouldn't have been so nervous. Instead he kept that information to himself._

_Meryl giggled. "What. Are you still afraid of all those girls chasing after you?"_

_Charlie responded with a nervous laugh. "Whatever. You have all those guys chasing after you. There's a lot more dances for you to attend too."_

_Meryl shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not really interested in all that. Dances and social events kind of make me nervous. And besides, I wouldn't want to go, anyway"_

_Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Why not?"_

_"The idea of some boy asking me or not asking me. That's a lot of pressure."_

_Charlie instantly understood what Meryl was trying to say. She had always been the quiet and shy girl in school. No one knew who she really was. Everyone at school just knew that she was the figure skater who was away for a few weeks at a time during the school year at competitions. No one understood why she was so passionate for ice dancing. It wasn't a real sport, they would often tell her._

_"Well," Charlie grinned. " I could be your fall back guy. Our school's dances never coincide, so, you know, there's a big chance that I'd be able to attend a dance with you. I mean, if you're interested, and, you know--no one asks you, you know how to reach me." He smiled, but refused to look at her. He was acting weird, she thought._

_"I can't," she said_

_"What? Why not?" Charlie asked, suddenly concerned._

_"Because Charlie, I would never consider you just my fall back guy. You would be my first choice if I really wanted to go."_

_Charlie smiled. "Thanks Mer. You would be mine, too, for what it's worth."_

_Meryl and Charlie looked at each other. They couldn't help but feel the air changing between the two of them. There was a small pull that each of them felt but couldn't explain._

_To make the situation a little less awkward, Charlie pulled a box of matches from his pocket. He began lighting the candles on the cake. The light was creating a soft illumination around them._

_Charlie instantly noticed Meryl's face, with hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had become so pretty over the years. He had always known how cute she was, but cute had turned matured into something more as the years gone by. She was now attractive, no--beautiful, he thought. Charlie could feel the blush rising up into his cheeks._

_"Okay. Ready to blow out your candles?" Charlie asked , forcing himself to stop staring at her. He had to be careful not to do it too long. She would have noticed and Charlie wouldn't know how to explain himself._

_"Wait. Not yet," Meryl looked up at Charlie._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"I have to think of a wish," Meryl said as she closed her eyes, in the process of deciding what to wish for. "Okay. I'm ready, but blow them out with me. Together."_

_Charlie looked up and Meryl was staring back. Her eyes were intense. He honestly didn't know what to think. He had to clear his throat._

_"Okay together," he responded, " Happy Birthday Mer. May all your dreams and wishes come true."_

_Meryl gave him a huge grin. So beautiful, he thought to himself._

_"One. Two. Three," both Meryl and Charlie said out loud before blowing out the candles, together._

* * *

"That was really sweet of you," she told him, as they sat across from one another on the picnic table.

"Like I told you that night, I wanted to do something special for your birthday," Charlie offered a gentle smile. She couldn't help but respond by offering him one as well.

Charlie passed a fork over to Meryl. "Cheers," he said as he offered his fork for a tap. Meryl lifted hers and tapped his as well.

"Are we always this goofy?"

"Some people would say that _I'm_ goofy, dorky even, but you're....well..." Charlie couldn't find the words to describe the woman sitting in front of him. There were really no right words. "You're _Meryl_."

"I don't know if I should take that as a compliment."

"Trust me, it's a very big compliment."

Meryl turned her head toward the lake. The sun was still up high in the mid-afternoon sky. In the summer, the sun normally set late into the night which meant that if Meryl and Charlie wanted to stay by the lake for hours they could. She watched as the waves rolled in closer to the shoreline.

"I try to remember the first time we met, you know," she whispered as she continued looking at the water. "I think if I remember one of those important moments; everything about you in my head would just click."

"I really meant it when I said that there's no rush," Charlie reassured her, "We can work this out together." Charlie could sense her anxiety. Meryl was normally calm and collected but sitting across from him at the lake, Charlie felt her nervous energy radiating off of her.

"Will you help me?" Meryl continued to stare at the lake. Her plea came out sad but hopeful.

Charlie followed Meryl's gaze. She seemed to be looking at nothing in particular. The ducks had flown off, the water remained still, and the trees continued to sway with the wind.

Meryl was desperate to find some peace in her struggle to find herself again and she knew that the man sitting across from her was the only way back.

Charlie wanted to grab hold of her hand, to offer her comfot, but he knew it was too early. He didn't know how she would react to his touch so he held off. He wanted to reassure her the same way that _she_ had these last seventeen years together, with a small squeeze of his hand, a rub against his back, or a small hug across his waist. Instead, he offered her a small vow, an oath that he promised her a decade or so ago.

"Of course I will," he said, "I will do anything for you. We're in this together, Mer. You and me...together."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Nora for the red pen. The ink is still dripping off my kitchen table. You didn't have to but you did and I am grateful.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental. 
> 
> Thank you for all the wonderful comments!!

Leaving the half eaten chocolate cake on the table, Meryl and Charlie walked closer to the lake. Meryl turned to her right and walked on her own, while Charlie debated whether or not to follow. She made no indication that she wanted him to walk by her, so he waited. If she had turned around, he would have followed but she didn't.

He tried to occupy his time by looking for something to throw into the water, but all he found were fallen twigs, which he kicked around with his toe. He glanced every now and then to see what she was doing. Meryl had her face up, eyes closed, toward the sun, trying to bask in all of its warmth, he guessed.

Charlie found himself walking in the opposite direction, back towards the table. Her plea for help replayed in his mind. _Will you help me?_

Charlie really had no clue how to help. His mind was blank. Tanith was right; there really was no easy answer. Time was the only way to make this work. _Charlie, you can't just fix this._

He never doubted himself more so than standing in front of the lake, watching Meryl a few yards away. He was glad that she wasn't next to him. If she was, she would have seen the fear in his eyes; the realization that he really didn't know what to do.

Charlie turned around when he noticed Meryl start back toward his direction. It was the first time in weeks that Charlie got a good look at Meryl from afar. She had her hair in a bun, neatly placed on top of her hair. Not a single strand of hair out of place. No makeup today but it didn't matter, she never needed any. She was always beautiful, he thought.

"There's someone I want you to meet," he told her when she finally stood in front of him.

Her eyes shifted, and she raised her eyebrows. He was hesistant curiosity in her expression. Charlie knew she wanted minimal contact with people while she was still recovering, but he felt that this might be an exception.

"I don't...think that's such a good idea," she responded, turning her head around toward the lake to avoid his gaze.

"Trust me, you'll be glad that you did," Charlie stood close to her, nudging her gently with his elbow. It was the only contact that he was brave enough to try with Meryl. She glanced back at him, and he offered a small smile.

Meryl let out a small sigh and started walking back towards the car. He let her lead the way, waiting to see whether or not she would allow him to continue. She could still say 'no' and he would oblige, without even thinking twice about it.

When they arrived at the car, she looked across at him, and without a word, nodded simply. That small measure of trust she put in him meant everything. Charlie grinned, settling into the driver's seat. He headed back to his hometown in Bloomfield county. They drove through the downtown area and he watched as she tried to familiarize herself with the buildings along the way. From what he could tell, she recognized them, but still had some lingering questions.

"If you need to, just ask," he reminded her, just as he had said in the cafe earlier this afternoon. His eyes remained on the road, hands on the steering wheel, his heart heart racing out of control. He was afraid that she was going to change her mind; that this was too much for her to handle.

She nodded but continued to look out the passenger window without uttering a single word.

He turned onto his street; the same street that Meryl had watched him and Clayton play roller hockey when they were younger. Clayton had followed Charlie throughout his younger years, never having a brother of his own, Meryl always by his side. Their coaches encouraged them to interact with one another during their down time.

_It would only benefit you guys in the long run,_ they said.

Interaction normally meant Charlie fooling around, and Meryl sitting idly near him reading a book.

They approached Charlie's parent's house. His mother was home, her car parked in the driveway. He didn't know if she would be upset seeing Meryl with him. His mother had advised him to lay low; to not try and go after her while she was still recovering. He had rolled his eyes when his back was turned to her. _She just didn't understand._

"Does this place look familiar to you at all?" he asked as he parked his car near the curb, gingerly tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel.

She shook her head slowly and turned to meet her eyes with his. His only response was a terse nod.

It broke his heart, knowing that she couldn't remember the spot in the garden, when she was eleven and he was ten, the spot where he had picked out a flower for her, the first one to bloom in the spring. He had been teased right away by his sisters that evening at the dinner table. It didn't bother him, though, because he had remembered her smile, and the way her cheeks flushed pink when he told her it was for her. It was the first of many flowers he sent her way.

"This is my parent's house. The house I grew up in," Charlie told her as he opened his door then walked around the vehicle to open hers. He opened it, waiting to see if she would come. "Don't worry," he said gently. "My mom's the only one home, but there's someone else I desperately want you to meet. I'm sure she'll be excited to see you as well."

Meryl looked up, making eye contact with Charlie. She stepped out and stood near him, stuffing her hands in her pockets quickly. The gesture didn't escape his notice. Meryl continued to bite down on her bottom lip nervously as Charlie shut the door behind her, and headed up the driveway toward the house. Instead of approaching the front door, he walked around to the back gate, hoping to be inconspicuous as much as possible. Unlatching the lock that was in place, Charlie let Meryl walk through first. She waited for him to follow.

It was only seconds after they closed the gate before DJ, Charlie's dog, came tearing through the grass, her tongue and tail waggling enthusiastically. Charlie crouched down to retrieve a sloppy tongue lapping from DJ, but she quickly bypassed her owner and went straight for Meryl.

Meryl giggled and laughed as DJ circled around her, excitedly panting and yipping at her. DJ couldn't contain her happiness at the sight of her old friend Meryl. She stood up on her hind legs, begging to be picked up. Before Meryl could fully bend forward, DJ already had her paws reaching up for the top of her shoulders. The dog whimpered happily as she nestled herself in Meryl's arms. DJ had missed her as much as Charlie had, it seemed.

Charlie stood by, watching his two favorite girls, and grinned madly. Meryl held on to DJ tightly, scratching the area between her head then moving down behind her ears.

"She's _so_ beautiful," Meryl said giggling, her eyes never leaving DJ's face. DJ was reveling in Meryl's attention, jumping out of her arms to lay in front of her. She wanted a belly rub and Meryl couldn't resist, scratching the dog's tummy with vigor. She cooed at DJ while she did it, and DJ rubbed her head against the grass happily.

"Don't encourage her," he laughed, "we'll be here all night."

Meryl laughed out loud with him. The sound of their laughter mixed together felt just like old times when they would find themselves joking about things that were only between them.

Their moment was interrupted with the slam of a screen door. Jacqui White had stepped out onto her back porch. She had heard the familiar laughter all the way from inside, but couldn't believe what she was hearing, and had wanted to see it for herself.

Meryl immediately stood up and their eyes met. Charlie could see his mother fighting back her emotions. He knew that she was trying her hardest not to step down onto the lawn, and to offer Meryl a hug. Meryl was like a daughter to her. Knowing that Meryl didn't remember her was killing her.

"Hello Meryl," she said with a soft voice.

"Um. Hello, Mrs. White," Meryl responded, not knowing what else to call her.

Just as Charlie tried to offer an explanation to Meryl's appearance, another woman walked onto the deck. It was Tanith.

Tanith had tried calling Charlie earlier in the day. To her disappointment, Charlie had turned off his phone. Unable to get a hold of her boyfriend, she had called Jacqui instead, who had picked her up at the airport, but unable to offer an explanation to where her son's whereabouts were. She just didn't know.

Charlie stood transfixed, unable to move. His eyes darted between Meryl, Tanith, and his mother. His expression was an indication that he was certainly surprised by Tanith's appearance, though more likely _ashamed_ that for the last couple of days, she had been nowhere near his thoughts. He had been too preoccupied with the woman to his right, the same woman that he'd spent the last seventeen years together with, and was now desperately trying to find a way to get her back in his life.

There was an awkwardness in the air that Meryl couldn't explain. In her heart, she knew that this had to be the woman that Charlie had intended to marry. It was _her_ accident that prevented them from continuing their happily ever after. Meryl found herself embarrassed with the idea of being the third wheel. She couldn't find an explanation for why she felt that, except that perhaps she'd had these same feelings before the accident, and now they were creeping up on her again.

She quickly looked down, crossing her arms. She felt afraid to look up at them; see them watching her. Knowing what they knew, that she didn't know. She also really didn't want to cry in front of either of them.

"I think....I should go," she finally said after clearing her throat. It had become dry all of a sudden.

DJ moved to Meryl's leg and started circling around it rapidly. The dog started whimpering, watching Meryl start toward the back gate. Her whimpers only got louder as she headed through gate. DJ turned towards Charlie, then in the direction of Meryl, then back again at Charlie. It was as if DJ, the dog, was telling him to chase after her, to stop her and to bring her back.

Charlie's heart felt like it was beating out of his chest, as the events before him unfolded. He couldn't decide whether or not to stay here, with Tanith, and explain what had happened, or to follow Meryl. He kept looking back and forth at his girlfriend on the deck, then back to the gate that Meryl had gone through.

"Go on, Charlie," he heard his mother's strained voice call out behind him.

Charlie ran through the gate. He could feel the gravel crunching beneath his shoes as he made his way up to the sidewalk. He glanced around rapidly when he noticed Meryl wasn't standing by his car, and spotted her walking at a fast pace away from the house, down the road. Her arms tightly against her chest, and she was hunched over, trying to make herself smaller than she was. He jogged to catch up to her.

"Meryl," he called out, hoping that once she heard him, she would stop.

She continued walking, without response.

"Meryl, do you even know where you're going?"

"I'm going home," she answered tersely, not turning around.

"Stop, Meryl."

Meryl ignored Charlie's plea and continued walking. A few pieces of her hair had come undone and were now floating against the wind.

Charlie caught up the rest of the way, and moved to grab hold of her arm. Taken aback by the sudden contact, Meryl quickly jerked away.

For the first time ever, Charlie noticed the shocked look in her eyes when he touched her. He immediately lowered his head in shame. He knew that he shouldn't have grabbed her, but he had just been trying to stop her.

"I'm uh--I'm sorry," he said quickly. "Um. You're going the wrong way," he whispered, ashamed by the way he was handling the situation.

Meryl sighed out loud, showing Charlie her frustration. She turned to look in the opposite direction, her lips pressed tightly together, and began walking again, this time toward the acttual direction of home. Her pace was slower this time, allowing Charlie to walk beside her.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, again, not sure exactly what the apology was for. _Was he sorry that he brought her to his home or was he sorry that Tanith was there?_

"Is it true?" she asked, before stopping suddenly, to look at Charlie.

He stopped alongside her, furrowing his brow in confusion. He wasn't sure what she was asking about.

"Is it true-- that you were going to ask her to _marry_ you when you got news of my accident?"

"I had the ring in my pocket," Charlie confessed, eyes drawn to the ground as he shuffled his feet.

"So it _is_ true. You were planning to marry her."

Charlie nodded in response. He pressed his lips together tightly, unable to look at her face.

"Am _I_ stopping you from marrying her?"

Charlie quickly lifted his head to meet her eyes. He shook his head rapidly. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked defensively.

"Well. You want to marry her, right?"

"That was the plan."

"OK," she said, making a face. "Then why don't you continue with what you were planning to do. I mean, you're not waiting for me to get _better_ , are you?"

Charlie turned away from Meryl, letting out a long breath. His eyes focused on his car, parked a few yards away.

Meryl continued, "What if I can't remember within the next few weeks, or few months, or few years? You're not going to make her wait that long.

When he looked up, she was staring right at him, determination on her face.

"You're not doing right by her if you do," she said.

Charlie ran his hands through his blond curls and closed his eyes. "It's _also_ not right for me to move on away from this Mer. I just...can't. I can't leave you like this."

"You can't protect me forever, Charlie," she sighed. "There might not be a way of fixing this." She continued to study his face, watching him struggle through his emotions.

"I have to try. _We_ have to try," he insisted. Charlie finally lifted his head to meet her eyes. "There's just too much to give up on if I leave you right now. I promised you that I wouldn't give up. I _made_ that pact with you. You may not remember it but it's a promise that I intend to keep."

"You're sacrificing a lot, you know?"

"Tanith understands," he blurted out, as if saying the words were enough to drop the subject.

"But for how _long_ , Charlie?"

Charlie answered Meryl's question with four words, "However long it takes."

She started heading down the sidewalk again, then stopped before he could continue to follow her. "What if I changed my mind? What then?"

Charlie's eyes were filled with uncertainty. He didn't understand what she was telling him.

She slowly headed back toward Charlie, stopping about a foot in front of him. She stared at his chest, afraid to look up into his eyes. If she did, he would know she was lying; that what she was about to say was a way to divert herself from the truth, to protect him.

"What if I told you changed my mind; that I don't need your help."

"I'd say you're not telling me the truth," Charlie whispered. "That you _need_ me to help you."

"Well," Meryl said, taking a deep breath to steel herself, "I _don't_ need your help anymore, Charlie." She swallowed the lump that had developed in her throat, looking up. "And...I think it's best that you move on with your life while I try to piece back together mine on my own. I think it's in best interest for the both of us and everyone _else_ involved. Maybe this was a sign. Maybe...we were in too deep, in this _relationship_ we had, and that this is someone's way of letting us cop out of it."

"You don't mean that," Charlie choked out, swallowing hard.

She had to take a deep breath to continue. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

Meryl sighed. " I _do_. I do mean it. You don't have to keep your promise on my behalf. I relinquish you from whatever pact we made in the past. The past is the past and that's that."

With that, Meryl turned on her heel and walked away from Charlie.

She left him alone in the middle of the sidewalk, next to the same bushes that Charlie used to pick flowers off of for Meryl, when the first flowers bloomed during the beginning of Spring.

The first of many flowers sent her way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to N.A. for the edit, words of encouragement, but most of all, your friendship. I hope you never get tired of reading or editing these stories (unless I involve all those other "wierdos", then I understand). I am truly grateful.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event changes their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Meryl shut the door behind her. The bay window closest to the kitchen allowed her to see Charlie, standing on the curb in front of her house. At first, Meryl thought he would walk up to the front steps, but instead he just stood there, lost in thought. She knew he was _thinking_ about it, debating whether or not if it was worth the fight.

He had followed her home. Just as she knew that he would.

_He loved her_.

Three words to let her know that he couldn't help himself but follow her home, to make sure she would arrive safely.

Meryl's mother, Cheryl, entered the living room and followed her daughter's gaze outside. She saw the boy, with his golden curls and athletic build standing out front. Cheryl turned to look at her daughter.

"Meryl?" Cheryl asked, concerned.

Meryl quickly turned around; unaware that her mother had entered the room.

"What’s Charlie doing outside?" Cheryl asked. She looked at her daughter, and saw Meryl's watery eyes and swollen lips. "What's going on?"

"We had lunch together," she told her mother, stepping away from the window, finally. She walked past her and entered the kitchen. "He was just… making sure that I got home safely."

"Lunch together? How? Did he call you?"

Cheryl followed her daughter, and stood on the opposite side of the island counter, waiting for a response.

Meryl immediately went to open the refrigerator. "I went to the cafe across the rink today and the hostess accidentally seated us together," she said with a terse smile, pressing her lips together.

Meryl continued studying the refrigerator, searching for nothing in particular. She was trying her hardest to avoid having to look at her mother. Meryl was afraid her mom would see right through her, and she’d confess everything. She was so close to breaking down.

"I _told_ you that you needed to lay low for a while," Meryl heard her mother say. "I knew that if you didn't, this would happen."

Meryl paused and closed her eyes. She swallowed then sighed. She stepped back and closed the refrigerator door.

"Mom," she asked, trying carefully to assess the question in her mind. "Was I ever in love with Charlie?"

Meryl slowly turned around and caught the end of her mother's facial expression. It was a mixture of surprise and sadness. The question had caught her off guard.

Her mother moved away from the counter and over to the kitchen table. She began fiddling over some letters and magazines from that day’s mail. Her back was turned to Meryl and she remained quiet for a long moment.

"I don't know," Meryl's mother responded in her quiet voice. "If you were, you never told me. But..." Her sentence trailed off, almost as if she debated to continue or to remain quiet about what she wanted to say.

Meryl waited a few seconds to see whether or not her mother would finish. "But -- what?"

Cheryl finally turned around. She looked up at her daughter. "I always wondered if you did."

Meryl walked back over to the bay window and saw that Charlie had left. He went home to his mother, and to the girl that he wanted to marry. Meryl had to shake the thoughts of what awaited Charlie when he got home.

Cheryl stood behind her daughter, waiting.

"I bumped into Mrs. White and Tanith," she told her mother.

"Oh, _sweetheart_ ," Cheryl said as she stepped forward to bring her arms around Meryl's shoulders. She kissed her on the temple for added comfort.

Meryl turned around, nestling herself in her mother's arms. "It was so awkward -- and I didn't even know why."

"They love you, you know," her mother reassured her. " _Everyone_ loves you. They just want what's best for you."

Meryl exhaled out loud. "That's the frustrating part," she said as she pulled back to look at her mother. "I don't even know what's best for me at the moment. I'm struggling to find out who I am."

"All you need is time, "Cheryl responded, as she placed the loose strands of hair behind her ear. "There's no need to rush."

Meryl snorted a small laugh. "That's what Charlie keeps telling me."

Cheryl moved away from her daughter and sat in a chair next to her. "Well," she told Meryl, folding her hands in her lap, "You and Charlie were, _are_ , two peas in a pod. You guys always knew what each other was thinking and feeling, even without uttering any words."

"Mom," Meryl walked across the room and picked up a framed photo of Charlie and her as children, "I can hear him _always._ His voice just lingers, like it's waiting for me to put his face with it. His laughter continually rings in my head. I just feel like there's something else I'm missing and not understanding. I want to ask Charlie, but what if I'm wrong? I'll only make it worse than it is."

"You don't know that," Cheryl said as she stood up from the chair. "You're going to have to believe that Charlie will be truthful in what he tells you, even if it's something that you may or may not want to hear. He's only trying to help you."

"He's not going to want to help me anymore," Meryl frowned as she stared at the photo: two smiling, happy children that once were.

Cheryl tilted her head to the right and waited for her daughter to explain. Her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

Meryl continued: "I told him that I didn't want his help, and I didn't need him." Meryl placed the frame back on the side table. She sat down on the sofa and leaned back against the cushions. She ran her hand across her face and left it covering her mouth.

Cheryl shook her head in disapproval.

Meryl looked at her feet. She was trying to avoid her mother's eyes again. "I -- I was just upset, with how things developed at his house. I was trying to find _any_ excuse to be mad at him, so I brought up Tanith and his marriage proposal. I really had no idea why. It just happened."

"Is _this_ why you asked me if you were ever in love with Charlie?"

Meryl looked at her mother, nodding slowly. "There's just _something_ there that I can't explain. I wonder… if I had mixed feelings about him asking her, at the time."

"If you want to know the answer to your question, you have to ask him. Plain and simple," Cheryl told her daughter.

Meryl snickered. "Heh. Plain and simple. I _wish_ it was that easy, Mom."

Cheryl shrugged her shoulders and offered a small smile.

"Anyway. I wouldn't even know where to find him," Meryl shook her head and unhooked the hair piece holding her bun in place. She let it fall loosely over her shoulders, and started playing with a small strand.

"I know where he'll be," her mother offered . "His mother tells me that he goes to the local rink every morning."

"He didn't mention anything about coaching," Meryl said, looking up.

Cheryl shook her head, pursing her lips together. "I think he just sits and waits on the bleachers."

"Waits?"

"My dear," Cheryl looked at her daughter, "I think Charlie sits there and waits...for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To N.A., it was the biggest compliment ever. Thank you again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.
> 
> To N.A., thank you for the awesomeness that you are. It has been a real blast getting to know you. Thank you for all your help. This story is yours as much as it is mine.

Charlie was waiting outside Arctic Ice Rink in Canton, just as the sunset was peeking over the horizon. He leaned back against his seat in his car, fiddling with his iPhone. He couldn't decide on a song. All of them seemed to remind him of Meryl. He could have turned it off, but sitting in a silent car seemed just as bad. The silence left him with his thoughts, and they always came back to her.

Being away from Meryl was unbearable, but being near her was driving him insane.

Tanith had left again.

When he returned back to his mother’s house after following Meryl the day before, Tanith was clearly upset. His mother couldn't even help him. Jacqui kept her distance and offered no advice. She too, was torn between the two girls.

Charlie had to figure it out for himself.

He couldn't say anything to her to convince her to stay. He had chosen to run after Meryl, she pointed out. It wasn't that Tanith didn't understand. She understood _all too well_. Meryl was a large part of his life, and nothing was ever going to change that. His eyes had told her he was sorry. He didn't need any words to apologize, they both had known. Charlie needed to work out this thing with Meryl, before moving onto his future with Tanith.

He had told Tanith he loved her again. She had given him a tight hug before deciding to leave.

"I'll wait," she whispered before letting go.  

Charlie nodded; he had felt his heart break. He had known she would wait, and it made him feel like an asshole. Tanith was such a beautiful person; it pained him to know that they were holding onto fragments of each other, but he had been unable to help himself, despite his misgivings.

"I _want_ to be with you," Charlie had kept repeating, hoping that she would believe him. ~~~~

The sound of a car approaching the lot brought Charlie back to reality. It was Mr. Fairmont, the Maintenance Supervisor at Arctic Ice. Charlie gave him a small wave. He looked toward Charlie, shaking his head. Charlie watched as Mr. Fairmont gathered his coffee mug and exited his vehicle.

"Shouldn't you be on vacation, son?" he asked as Charlie also stepped out.

"I couldn't sleep," Charlie responded with a yawn.

Mr. Fairmont nodded his head. "Come on,” he sighed. “You can help me get the rink ready for the day."

Charlie walked beside the old man to the front door, waiting while he fiddled with the set of keys in his hands. Mr. Fairmont looked over when Charlie sighed to himself.

"You look like shit," Mr. Fairmont told him bluntly, and Charlie laughed. "I mean, you _really_ need to get some sleep."

Charlie knew it as well. If he could, he would, but his mind kept him awake with images of Meryl. Thoughts about her. Worries about what she was going to do. Would she ever remember him? Her face continued to haunt him when he closed his eyes. He couldn't escape her, no matter how hard he tried.

"You can sleep in the lounge. We open late today, anyways," Mr. Fairmont entered and switched on the lights.

"Late?" Charlie asked as he stepped in behind him.

"It's Wednesday. We open at ten," he told him.

Charlie stopped in his tracks, watching Mr. Fairmont as he continued across the lobby.

"Wait. Why are you here so early if you didn't have to open until ten? I mean, it just turned 6 o'clock now."

Mr. Fairmont stopped, and turned back to Charlie, smiling wryly. "Someone had to open up for _you_."

Charlie continued to stare at him, slightly dumbfounded. Why would he do that for him? Charlie imagined anyone else would not have arrived early just because Charlie was waiting there, like an idiot. ~~~~

"Look son," Mr. Fairmont continued as he approached Charlie again. "I know what you're going through. It's hard losing someone you love. I lost my wife a few years ago and this is what _I_ used to do. She loved the ice, so this was my way to stay connected. I know you may think it's different with Meryl but to me, it's all the same."

Mr. Fairmont patted Charlie on the shoulders and started to walk away. "Come on. I'll go and get things ready. Coffee?"

Charlie shook his head. _Meryl drank coffee, me, not so much._

Charlie followed Mr. Fairmont into the lounge and watched as the old, heavy set man prepare a pot of coffee. Charlie began flipping the chairs off the tables and setting them on the ground. He finally sat when his task was complete and the smell of coffee filled the air. Mr. Fairmont sat across from Charlie.

"My wife and I met in an ice rink just like this," he began stirring the sugar and creamer in his coffee. "I think it was one of the main reasons why she loved watching you both skate together. You guys reminded her of us, where and how we met."

Charlie watched the old man continue to stir his coffee. His voice was quiet, reminiscing what once was, "We watched you guys get paired up when Coach Seth was here. Even I knew that there was something special, and I was just the guy that drove the Zamboni."

Charlie started to absentmindedly draw on the table with his pointer finger, to help distract him from the memory of a young Meryl.

"I know you sit there on the bleachers, waiting for her," Mr. Fairmont continued quietly, before he picked up his cup of coffee, taking a sip.

Charlie remained silent. He didn't argue. In his heart, he knew that what Mr. Fairmont said was the truth.

Charlie waited for Meryl. For the last two weeks or so, Charlie waited for her on the bleachers every morning before lunch. He so desperately wanted Meryl to walk through the door, the same way she always had, every morning before class and in the afternoons after school.

"That's okay, son. You don't have to explain yourself. I would have done the same thing if she was my Nellie," he told Charlie. "You take all the time you need."

Mr. Fairmont stood up from the table and looked down at Charlie. "I'm going to go do some work. Why don't you get some rest for now?"

Charlie nodded and leaned back against his chair. He closed his eyes, listening to the door shut behind him. Charlie leaned forward, lowering his head against the table on top of his crossed arms. In the brief moment where silence took over, Charlie fell asleep against the cold metal table, his back hunched over, hands balled into fists, visions of Meryl luring him to dream.

* * *

**_Winter 2005_ **

_Charlie sat in his parents’ basement flipping through channels. There was nothing on television. Nine o’clock on a Friday night, and he couldn’t find a single show or movie to watch. He was bored out of his mind._

_What made it worse was that he couldn't stop thinking about his skating partner. He wondered if she was having a good time at his school’s Winter Formal with his buddy, Tom. Throughout the night Charlie kept beating himself up. He should have asked her first. He waited too long. If he had just asked her himself, he would be the one enjoying this part of his senior year with Meryl._

_Instead, he was relegated to crappy TV, a sore ankle, and an empty house._

_Just as Charlie was getting ready to pop in a DVD, his phone rang. It was Meryl._

_“Hello?” he said, trying to sound casual. He wondered why she was calling._

_“Hi.” Meryl’s voice spoke of boredom and disappointment. Huh, he thought._

_“What are you doing?” Charlie asked. “Shouldn’t you be dancing or something?” He chuckled aloud at his awkward joke._

_“I called in sick,” Meryl responded._

_“Huh? You called in sick?” Charlie was confused. “You mean you didn’t go?”_

_“No, I, uh -- went. I just told Tom that I had to leave early, because I wasn't feeling well," she told him._

_“Oh,” Charlie replied. “That bad, huh?”_

_“It was amazing, actually…” she breathed. Her voice trailed off at the end of the statement._

_“Amazing? I don’t get it,” Charlie said, confused. He really didn’t want to hear Meryl describe her amazing night with Tom._

_“It was amazing that I found someone who loved to talk about hockey more than you,” Meryl said bluntly._

_Charlie started cracking up._

_“I’m sorry Mer,” he quickly apologized between breaths. “I might have told him you were a fan,” he admitted, continuing to chuckle. “He must have figured talking about hockey was a safe bet. Obviously, he didn't realize it was a death wish to his date.”_

_Meryl's knowledge of hockey consisted of the following: she knew that it was a game with a stick of some sorts, a flat surface, a puck, and a goal. She refused to let Charlie talk about it when they were on the ice together._

_Meryl remained quiet. Charlie wondered if she was upset with him._

_“Mer? Are you still there?” Charlie asked, cautiously._

_“Yup,” she replied. He couldn’t read her tone._

_“Are you mad that I might have ruined your night?” he asked, hoping for the best._

_“No,” she told him. “I mean, I should be, but I’m not, I guess. It was… ~~really~~ kind of weird being there. I mean, you know, it’s your school, so everyone kept asking me about you. And I didn’t really know anyone, so, you know, I kept trying to find a way to get out of it. Anyway, Tom and I never really clicked.  I mean, he tried too hard to make it work, I think. We just didn't have it. I think, in the end, he knew it, too. He didn't even try to convince me to stay.”_

_“Sorry you felt that way. I could have taken you instead,” he added quickly, secretly relieved that Meryl didn't take to Tom like he feared. He stalled a bit before changing the subject. “When’s your curfew up?”_

_“Midnight. I have to be back home by midnight,” she told him._

_“You wanna come over? Really bad TV tonight,” he said._

_“Yeah, sure,” Meryl replied. He could hear the smile in her voice. “I just have to let my mom know that I’m coming over to your place. Who knows? I might even be able to squeeze in an extra hour out of her ~~too~~.”_

_He chuckled. Meryl’s mom definitely had a soft spot for him. “Okay. I’ll see you in a few.”_

_“Okay. See you then.”_

* * *

 

_Charlie saw the lights of Meryl’s car move across the walls in his living room. He heard the tires settle over the gravel as her engine cut off. He quickly made his way through the hallway, waiting for her arrival. He wanted to wait for her to ring the doorbell, so he didn’t seem too anxious. Even after she rang the doorbell, Charlie counted to ten before opening the door._

_When Charlie opened the front door, he found himself completely stunned, staring at Meryl. Her hair was half up, half down, curls gathering just below her shoulders. Her makeup was light, accentuating the best features of her face, her eyes. Her formal dress was not princess-like, exactly, but close enough. Her shoulders were bare, but her hair was draped over them like a curtain. Charlie couldn’t believe how gorgeous she looked. He had never seen her like this. ~~~~_

_“Wow. You look… beautiful,” he spurted out. Although the words came out unexpectedly, they were just the right words to describe what he was seeing. She, too, was surprised by his reaction. Charlie was never that straightforward, especially when it came to Meryl._

_Meryl blushed, then giggled. “Thanks.”_

_Charlie continued to stand in the middle of the doorway, staring. ~~~~_

_She raised her eyebrows at him. “Are you going to invite me in? It's a bit cold out here,” Meryl said._

_Charlie snapped out of his gaze, blushing_

_“Oh, yeah,” he told her, stepping aside to let her in. “Uh, sorry.” The dress swayed as Meryl walked. Charlie couldn’t help but notice the sound of Meryl's dress swishing across the floor as he followed her into the living room._

_“Parents out for the night?” Meryl asked as she turned around to face Charlie._

_“Out for the weekend actually,” he told her, shrugging. “Dad’s on business for a few days, and Mom wanted some time with him.”_

_Meryl nodded, pursing her lips. "Would you mind if I changed into some comfortable clothes? This dress is kind of constricting,” she said sheepishly, tugging on the corseted waist._

_Charlie finally noticed the gym bag in Meryl was carrying. He almost wished she would keep the dress on. Charlie was so accustomed to Meryl in figure skating costumes, and practice gear, seeing her in the formal dress convinced him that she was stunning in anything she chose to wear._

_She would be beautiful in a potato sack, he thought._

_"Of course," he said, after breaking away from his thoughts._

_He caught the scent of her perfume as he moved past Meryl, toward the bookshelf with all the DVDs. Charlie quickly turned his head as Meryl left the room. He found himself studying her form as the dress continued to sway against the floor, her hair dancing behind her._

_Charlie shook his head. Get a hold of yourself, Charlie._

_“So, what movie are we watching?” Meryl asked as she re-entered the room. She had changed into leggings and a lightweight sweater, her hair loose around her shoulders._

_Charlie found himself sweating bullets. He felt his throat constrict again. Even in a potato sack, he reminded himself._

_"Um,” he swallowed. “Your choice." He turned to face the DVDs, hoping she couldn’t tell he was blushing. Charlie licked his lips. He moved to bite down on his bottom lip. He was trying to suppress a nervous laugh that threatened to bubble over._

_Meryl shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me, honestly. I'm kind of beat. I might end up just falling asleep anyway, so pick whatever you want."_

_She moved toward the large part of the sectional and gathered the cushions into place. She spread out on the couch, and waited for Charlie to select a movie. When he didn't pick one right away, she moved onto her side, raising herself up on her right elbow. Charlie joined her on the sectional instead, making himself comfortable beside her._

_"We can just watch TV," he explained, settling in. Charlie turned on the TV and absentmindedly started flipping through the channels._

_Meryl settled onto her back and looked up toward the ceiling._

_"Charlie. Do you think I'm beautiful?" she drowsily asked, holding back a yawn with her hands folded against her stomach._

_"What? Of course I do," he told her, feeling a small blush creeping on him again. "Um. I mean, you’re probably the most beautiful girl that I can think of,” he stuttered._

_Meryl chuckled. "You're just saying that to get on my good side. Especially after you told Tom that I was a big hockey fan."_

_Charlie laughed, throwing his head back. OK, maybe he had set her up for failure. Could you blame the guy?_

_"I could,” he sighed contentedly after his laughter finally died down. “But something like that’s a little too important to lie about. You are verybeautiful, Meryl."_

_Meryl remained silent for a long moment, considering what Charlie had said._

_Charlie turned his head to look at Meryl and could see the doubt in her expression._

_"Hey,” he said with a frown. “Where’s this coming from, anyway?"_

_Meryl shrugged, holding back from telling him about her insecurities. About how she heard the whispers from the girls in the locker room. And skaters at the rink. And even people she’d seen at the dance that night. No, she didn’t want him to know about that._

_"Well," Charlie continued, furrowing his brow slightly, "it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. I think you're beautiful. Amazing, even."_

_Meryl leaned closer, slightly tilting her head towards his. "Thank you, Charlie."_

_Meryl moved to lift her hand to offer a high five, but Charlie grabbed hold of her hand instead, lacing his fingers between hers. She didn't pull away like he had expected. Her smile let him know that it was okay. She was content with the idea that he wanted to hold her hand, their bodies inches apart._

_"You're welcome," he whispered, smiling._

_Meryl closed her eyes and sighed. It didn't take too long for Charlie to feel Meryl's body relax beside him. She drifted into sleep, her head leaning up against his shoulder. He moved his head to rest his against the top of hers, his chin settling into her hair. Charlie pulled up her hand, placing his palm against the back of hers, fingers still intertwined with his, and placed it where he thought it belonged: right over his heart._

* * *

It was nearly 9 o'clock when Mr. Fairmont walked back into the lounge to wake Charlie up. He had felt the old man's hands on his back as he was shaken awake.

"Charlie, it's time to wake up, son," he told him.

Charlie lifted his head up from the table, rubbing his eyes. He took a good look around the room, reorienting himself. The rink would be open within the hour, and Charlie needed to get himself together.

Mr. Fairmont watched as Charlie stood up from his chair before he spoke again. "Also, um. You have a visitor, Charlie."

Charlie immediately turned toward Mr. Fairmont and watched as the old man nodded at him with a deep-set smile. Charlie knew, in that moment.

_Meryl was in the ice rink. She had come._

* * *

 

When Charlie walked into the rink, the first thing he noticed was that Meryl was sitting in the exact same section of the bleachers that Charlie had these last few days. Charlie wondered if she’d subconsciously known that had always been his spot; the place he waited for her during the early days of their career. Back then, he had waited there before and after every practice session.

Meryl lifted her face up to meet his as he approached her. Her expression was serious, almost stoic. If she was mad at him, he didn’t see it. Usually, when Meryl was mad, her gaze would meet his, her eyes squinted and arms crossed against her chest. This time, her hands remained to her sides, gripping onto the front part of her seat. She didn’t move when he sat down near her, nor did they offer each other a greeting.

They both watched the Zamboni travel across the ice, preparing for the first skaters to enter the rink. The humming of the machine was the only sound, echoing loudly throughout the large space.

“I first saw you right there,” Charlie broke the deafening silence as he pointed to the corner, closest to them. “I think you were seven years old, trying to do some spinning move.”

Meryl looked at the spot he was referring to and waited for him to continue.

Charlie sighed. “You were so small, but you were better than the rest of the girls that were skating near you, even the ones who were much older. You were so determined.”

Meryl turned to look at Charlie. He remained focused on the ice, afraid to look her Meryl’s face. He was afraid of what he might find -- anger, disappointment, sadness? He wasn’t sure.

Instead he continued, “When we were first paired up, I didn’t think it was a good idea. I had been taking ice dancing lessons for a few months already, so I had to revert back to the basics, just so you could catch up.” He chuckled. “I thought it was such a waste of time, then. Lo and behold, it was me that ended up having to play catch up for most of our partnership.” He laughed to himself again. “You were so good at everything you did.”

“I -- I think you sell yourself short…” Meryl started to say, but was cut off by Charlie.

He shook his head. “I’m not saying that it came easy for you. You’re the most dedicated person I know. You deserve everything…every recognition, every accolade, everything.”

Meryl exhaled loudly. “I think all those mean nothing when there’s so much that’s missing, in here,” she murmured, pointing at her head.

“If you just ask, I can tell you,” reminded Charlie. His gaze moved away from the ice to his lap, where his hands were now positioned.

“Charlie,” Meryl said in a soft voice, eyes drawn to the floor, “I’m… sorry about the way I acted yesterday. I don’t know why I brought up you and Tanith.”

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, shaking his head.

“I think it does,” she insisted.

Charlie hesitated, taking a breath. “If you’re wondering if you ever felt more than just a friend with me, the answer is no.”

“But, don’t you find it hard to believe that after all these years, there was nothing more than partnership between the two of us?” Meryl fidgeted with her hands in her lap. “I mean – you’re telling me you never felt anything for me?”

Charlie finally looked up and faced Meryl. He bit his lip, considering what to tell her. It would be a lie to say he hadn’t felt anything, but on the same token, he had always known that they weren’t going to do anything about it. He finally said, “It just worked the way it did. Being partners – and friends – just was the best way for us to be, I guess. We might not have won our gold medal if that hadn’t been the case.”

Meryl pursed her lips, lost in thought.

“Hey! Do you guys want to get on the ice?” a loud voice echoed out.

Meryl and Charlie turned their heads to the direction of where Mr. Fairmont was standing, next to the boards. He had finished resurfacing the ice.

_Way to play it smooth, Mr. Fairmont._

Charlie shook his head slightly, embarrassed at the suggestion. There was no way that she’d even consider putting on her skates, he thought.

Meryl remained quiet. She looked back and forth between the ice and the old man.

Charlie looked over and saw Meryl mulling over the idea. His eyes grew wide as she stood up.

“Well,” she smiled, brushing herself off. “I guess it’s my turn to play catch up.” Charlie watched as she took one step at a time, toward the bottom of the bleachers.

He immediately stood up and quickly found his way to her side. He didn’t want to try to convince her not to skate. He was curious to see what she was going to do.

Meryl went to out her car, and he watched her from the lobby. Charlie felt nervous. He didn’t know how well she would react being on the ice. A hundred different scenarios ran through his head, more bad than good.

Just as Meryl shut the back door to her car, he saw her pull her phone out. She stood against the car, listening to the caller on the other end of the phone. She nodded, and placed her gym bag back into the vehicle.

Charlie’s heart fell. Meryl had changed her mind.

Charlie felt his heart beating against his chest as he watched her walk casually across the parking lot and back into the skating club.

“That was my mom,” she told him nervously. “I need to go home.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked, concerned.

Meryl nodded. “I just need to go home.”

Charlie bit his bottom lip, afraid to ask her anything else.

Meryl looked up, and their eyes met. “I have a visitor.”

Charlie knew who it was. In his heart, he knew. He didn’t need to ask, because he could tell from the look on her face, and her reaction when the phone call came in.

Five little words spoken, and Charlie felt his whole world fall apart again.

“Maksim is waiting for me.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event takes over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

Meryl walked up the steps to her mother’s house. She noticed the rental vehicle in the driveway; a black Mercedes Benz C330. The luxury car looked odd next to her mother’s ten year-old Chrysler minivan. The contrast in lifestyles were obvious. She had to take a minute before making any assumptions about Maks _. Cars don’t tell you what kind of person you are,_ Meryl reminded herself. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and made her way into the house.

Her mother was waiting patiently for her in the living room Meryl came through the door. Cheryl smiled when she saw Meryl, and pointed her in the direction of her kitchen. Meryl took a deep breath in and out, and slowly walked in. She noticed him right away: tall, dark, and handsome, like everyone said he was. Meryl offered him a smile and he mirrored her friendly expression.

“Hello, Meryl,” Maksim’s deep baritone voice echoed through the quiet kitchen. He stood with his tall and lean frame, cautiously moving toward Meryl.

She could tell he was hesitant, unsure of what he should do. Meryl debated whether or not to stick her hand out to shake or place her arms around Maksim’s shoulders. She didn’t have to decide. Maksim took a step forward and offered her a hug. She was completely surprised by the small kiss he placed on her cheek.

“Hello, Maksim,” she responded as she pulled back.

He remained standing, watching her, rocking on the balls of his feet, while she searched out the closest place to sit. When she moved to sit near the kitchen table, Maksim quickly stepped forward to pull the chair away from the table for her. Meryl murmured a soft thank you and sat down. He went around the table and sat across from her.

“How are you?” he asked, obviously looking for an icebreaker.

“I’m well, thank you,” Meryl said quietly before looking up to meet his eyes. Meryl instantly saw how beautiful the man really was in front of her. His eyes were soft, gleaming with genuine sincerity, and his smile spoke of a true friendship, that Meryl didn’t quite understand, despite all she’d been told about him.

“I can tell you don’t recognize me,” he told her after a few moments of silence. A slight frown came over his face. She could tell he was disappointed.

Meryl shook her head. “I’m sorry. I mean, I _do_ recognize you but not in the way that I’m sure you’d want me to. Your face is familiar, but I don’t remember the time we spent together, on Dancing With the Stars…” she trailed off, feeling embarrassed.

Maks smiled warmly. “That’s okay. I understand.”

Meryl began biting her bottom lip. She wondered if he did, really. The tension in the room was starting to feel suffocating. She didn’t know what to expect from him. Was she instantly supposed to recognize him right away? She hadn’t remembered Charlie, and they’d known each other for over seventeen years. She knew through brief conversations with her mom that they’d met on Dancing with the Stars, won the competition together, and that there had been _something_ potentially brewing between her and Maks (maybe a budding relationship? A casual affair? Her mother didn’t say, but it was possible she didn’t know, either. Maybe Meryl hadn’t told her.) Sitting here across from him, she didn’t feel the spark her mother had described earlier. The attraction wasn’t the same as the way she felt whenever she was with Charlie. She couldn’t understand it.   If this was a man she was in a relationship with, shouldn’t she feel something? It should be instinctual, the way it was with Charlie. _Odd_ , she thought.

“Thank you for coming to visit me,” she said after the silence became too much to bear. “I know that it’s such a long way from…wherever you were coming from.”

Meryl grimaced, without meaning to. She realized then she knew very little about the man in front of her. She knew he was from New Jersey, but worked in Los Angeles as a professional dancer. This she knew only because her mother had explained it to her. She’d wanted to look up more about him, but her mother warned her against that, explaining that people said a lot of things about her, and about them that might or might not be true.

Her doctor had explained, “This early on in the recovery, you don’t want to overwhelm yourself with too much information. The goal is to try and bring back the memories naturally.” It had been hard, living with so many blanks that had yet to be filled in, but she agreed, knowing that they only wanted what was best for her.

“I don’t remember much of anything about you – or us,” she admitted to Maks, embarrassed.

Maks moved to place his hand on hers but Meryl immediately snatched her hand away from the table. She blushed at the knee-jerk reaction.

“I’m sorry,” he told her, kneading his fingers together, and frowning.  

“No, I’m sorry,” she muttered, dropping her gaze to her lap, “I know that you were trying to comfort me just now, but…”

Maks leaned back against his chair and looked at Meryl. She raised her head up to meet his gaze. He sighed in a long, slow breath.

“How’s Charlie?” he asked finally, eagerly hoping to find a subject to ease the awkwardness.  

Maksim instantly noticed the change in Meryl’s eyes. Her eyes lit up when he mentioned Charlie’s name. Maks turned his head to hide his disappointment.

“He’s well, for the most part,” she told him. “He’s been trying to help me with what’s going on.”

Maks smiled and said under his breath, “I knew he would.”

Meryl watched him as he continued to gaze outside the window. She followed his eyes and noticed two small birds bouncing on the banister of her parent’s deck.

“He’s a really good friend,” she finally whispered.

Maks let out a small laugh and moved his hand to play with his hair. He tugged at the top part of his head and twirled it around twice before letting go.

“He loves you, you know,” Maks said when he turned back to face her, his lips twisting up into a frown.

Meryl remained quiet. She wasn’t sure how to react. She found herself wanting to defend Charlie; protect his integrity.

“With Charlie -- it’s a different kind of…”Meryl started, but stopped when she saw him quickly shake his head.

“Meryl. If you are going to tell me that it’s a different kind of love, then you’re sadly mistaken,” Maks stated plainly.

Meryl stood up from her chair and moved around to the opposite side of the island, in front of the kitchen sink. She found herself using it as a barrier between her and Maks.

“He was planning to ask Tanith to marry him,” she said matter-of-factly, her mouth during down into a frown. She leveled her gaze at Maks. If he was attempting to convince her that Charlie had something for her, it wasn’t going to work, she thought.

Maks snorted, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, Meryl. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t _love_ you, are you kidding me? Have you seen the way he looks at you? The way he looks at me--,” Maks stopped, suddenly remembering that she _couldn’t_ recall that about them. “I mean,” he backpedaled, “you know, when we were on the show together, Charlie used to glare at us – or, more like _me_ – all the time.”

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” she responded, frustrated by the topic of conversation, “It doesn’t matter. He’s not --”

Maks walked around the table and found a space between two bar stools. “It does matter. Because I fell in love with you these last few months,” Maks broke in, lowering his eyes to look right at her.

Meryl’s eyes grew wide, surprised by his blunt admission. She licked her lips, running her hands through her hair. _Maks had fallen in love with her?_ She hadn’t realized it had been that serious between them. The way her mother had made it sound, they might have started dating, but _love?_ She didn’t know what to do with that information.

Meryl turned on the faucet and began washing her hands. She needed the noise of the running water to drown out the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them. She moved away from the sink, pacing aimlessly from one side of the kitchen to the other.

“Meryl,” he called out her name, desperation tinging the edge of his deep baritone voice.

She tried to ignore him by rearranging the canisters on the kitchen counter. She wasn’t ready to talk yet. She didn’t know what to say to him.

“Meryl,” he repeated, in a tone slightly louder than the last. “Please.”

She stopped, turning around slowly to look at Maks. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” she sighed.

Maks shook his head slightly, pursing his lips together. He let out a slow breath. “I didn’t expect you to say anything. I only said it to let you know.”

Meryl swallowed, nodding slowly, as she watched Maks move to the sliding doors, turning his back toward her. He gazed out into her parents’ backyard.   He crossed his arms tightly against his chest, and Meryl could see his back muscles contract under the tight t-shirt he had on. His shoulders hunched up, close to his ears as he shifted the weight back and forth between his feet. Meryl wondered if he was considering what to say next.

“I think… at one point you might have thought about being in love with me,” he continued, “but I could tell you had your doubts. There was something in your heart that you just couldn’t let go, no matter how much you wanted to."

“And that was--?” she asked, hoping Maks would give her some insight to her past.

Meryl heard him sigh again, and watched as he leaned back against the door frame, turning to face her again. He fidgeted with his fingers, moving his thumb in between his index and middle finger. Meryl found herself entranced by the motion as she waited for him to continue.

“You were-- struggling with the idea that you were in love with that boy,” he finally told her, haltingly. She knew _that boy_ was Charlie.

It was exactly what she expected him to say knowing the truth didn’t make the impact of it any easier to handle. Maks was the first person to voice what Meryl had suspected: that she had been in love with Charlie. But how? He was supposed to marry Tanith. And Charlie himself had said she hadn’t been in love with him. _So why would Maks tell her that she was?_

Meryl shook her head, weakly. She continued to protest, “That’s impossible. I--I told you before, he was getting ready to ask Tanith to marry him.”

“It’s not impossible,” he responded. “Like I said, it doesn’t stop someone from being in love with you, and vice versa.”

“I guess it’s a good thing I don’t remember, then,” she said. “It’s better knowing that I won’t be the person to break up a relationship. It’ll be easier… for everyone.”

“That may be, but what if one day you _do_ remember, Meryl? And you realize what you let go?” he asked, concerned.

Meryl remained quiet. “I don’t have time to think of ‘what ifs,’” she responded after a moment. “Besides, I can’t dwell on stuff like that. I already told Charlie, he needs to move on with his life. Everyone can’t sit around and wait for me to remember, including you. That day may never come.”

Maks pursed his lips together and nodded his head. “True.”

“Honestly,” Meryl continued, “It’s probably better that I don’t know about the depth of my feelings regarding Charlie.”

Maks chuckled. “Some things never change, Princess.”

Meryl slightly shook her head in confusion. “Excuse me?” she asked.

Maks moved forward and stood on the other side of the island. He continued: “Ah, Meryl. Even with everything that happened, you’re still so systematic. You continue to use your head and logic to figure things out. Even now, you’re willing to have it overtake that heart of yours.”

“It’s easier that way,” she responded automatically.

“Love is _never_ easy,” he replied. “If it was, then I would have known to stay away from you. It would have been easier to move on and away from this, but…” He swallowed, his eyes studying her face. “For you, I was willing to take a chance. I guess I’m just a fool. I don’t know.”

Meryl kept her gaze on Maks, taking in every word. “I don’t … I mean, if that was the case, and you have these feelings for me, like you say, why are you so insistent that I be with Charlie, rather than you trying to be with me?”

“Because…” he sighed, his jaw tightening. She watched his chest move up and down as he shifted back and forth again. He started fidgeting with his thumb again. “You were never really in love with me,” he said frankly. “You liked the _idea_ that you might be able to move on away from Charlie, but you couldn’t. And, I guess… you can’t make someone fall in with you. I knew that, I just … I guess I just hoped it might be different. I don’t know.”

Meryl smirked and shook her head. “You just proved your own point. People can’t be forced to fall in love with each other. I can’t be forced to fall in love with Charlie. Not if I can’t remember. And I may never remember.”

Maks let out a small laugh. “Meryl. You two were already in love with each other. I’m sure you still are.”

“I don’t know how to convince you that I don’t remember anything about my relationship with Charlie,” she told him, shaking her head. “Or you,” she added as an afterthought, causing Maks to chuckle again, despite himself.

“OK. How about this. When you’re around him,” Maks began, “is there something you feel within you that just pulls you to him, without explanation? Do you feel like you want to be around him, but you don’t know why? Are there questions you can’t figure out?”

The look on Meryl’s face must have given Maks his answer because he smiled, biting his lip.

“Meryl,” he continued. “When we were together we had -- undeniable chemistry, but when you and _Charlie_ were together, there was a deeper bond – something no one else could explain. Charlie used to joke it was because you spent most of your life together, but it was more than that. I – eh. As much as it pains me to say it, you two deserved to be together. I might have been falling in love with you, but could never match the love you had between you. I see that now. Oddly enough,” he grinned. “Leave it to a Chmerkovskiy to only give up on a girl when she forgets you even exist. Literally.”

Meryl shot him an odd look. “I’m not really sure how to respond to that,” she said. 

Maks shook his head, waving her off. “Forget about it. I… I’m more curious if you have any recollection of what I was talking about before… about the chemistry that you and Charlie had. It was,” he shook his head, “unlike any other partnership I’ve ever seen. You were connected on some crazy, other-worldly level. I don’t even know how to explain it. Other than the fact that it drove me nuts sometimes.”

Meryl chuckled at that. Her mom had hinted at the fact that she and Charlie had shared a lot of inside jokes. She somehow could imagine how that would have made Maks crazy. She said, “Other than some unexplainable feelings that I can’t sort out right now, there’s nothing in my mind that points out that _I_ was ever in love with him. Everyone just thinks it, or assumes, or wonders. There’s no proof. What’s lost is lost, I guess.”

“Not necessarily,” Maks said matter-of-factly. He raised an eyebrow, biting on the corner of his bottom lip. “You used to carry a journal with you.”

“A journal?” she asked, suddenly excited. Maybe this would finally offer her the insight into her past she was craving. Maybe this would finally help trigger essential memories that would bring some of herself back. She felt her stomach flip-flop at the thought of it.

Maks nodded. “I assume you have several, actually. You never mentioned it to me but I’ve seen it peeking out of your gym bag, and on the rare occasion we had a chance to relax, I caught you writing in it once or twice.”

“No one’s ever mentioned it,” she said, surprised. “Weird.”

Maks shrugged his shoulders. “They probably just never thought about it.”

“Do you think…?” Meryl asked without finishing the sentence.

Maks nodded, twisting his lips up into a slight smile. “I think you might find the answers to what you’re looking for in those journals.”

Meryl looked at Maks, her eyes wide. For the first time since she’d left the hospital, a feeling of optimism washed over her, like a ray of sunshine. “Wow,” she smiled. “I really hope so.”

“There’s always hope,” Maks said, coming over to Meryl’s side, and offering his hand. She took it tentatively and stood up next to him, his much larger figure towering over hers. The feeling he gave her was imposing, yet, friendly. She could see, possibly, why she might have liked him… once. But now?

“I think I want to find them,” she said. “The journals.”

He nodded, pulling her into a hug. Strangely, she didn’t break away. Somehow she knew he was saying goodbye. She sighed quietly as he released her, his hand gently stroking her arm, up and down. She eyed his palm as it came down one last time, and then turned to glance up at Maks, whose eyes appeared watery.

She felt … conflicted. Like, she should be sad, but she couldn’t connect to the feeling.

“Meryl,” he said, softly. His voice cracked a little as he continued. “You’ll always mean a lot to me. And, while I hope one day, you do remember everything – including, us,” he said, reaching out to touch her hand to his heart, “I mostly want you to be happy. And …” He sighed through a shaky breath. “I think you’ll find that here. With Charlie.”

Meryl nodded slowly, not sure how else to respond. Finally, she said, “I hope I remember you, too, Maks. You seem like… you were really good to me.”

Maks barked out a laugh at that. “I like to think that,” he said, grinning fully for the first time that day. 

"Friends?" Meryl smiled in response to his hearty laugh. 

"Always," he responded as he took her hand and kissed it one more time before letting go. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected even take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.
> 
> Thank you for the wonderful support with the story. Your comments are so encouraging and I love reading them!! Thank you again.
> 
> To Nora for a wonderful edit as always. You're the reason why I continue to write stories about these two. Your witty quips on your tumblr keeps me going. Thank you again for taking the time to edit my work. I am truly grateful.

It didn’t take long for Meryl to run up the stairs to her old bedroom. Her goal was simple: she _needed_ to find those journals. She couldn’t believe she never considered the possibility that her journals would be a key to finding out who she was.

“Mom!” she called out loud enough to catch her mom’s attention.

Meryl stopped calling when she heard her mother’s footsteps making their way up the stairs.

“What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” Cheryl asked when she found Meryl frantically pawing through the top of her closet.

“My journals,” she said, her back still turned against her mother, “where are they?”

“Your journals?” Cheryl asked, confused.

“Maks told me that I used to carry around a journal in my gym bag with me all the time,” she replied.

Cheryl watched as her daughter grabbed the chair near her computer desk for leverage. Meryl stood on top of it, hoping to get a better view of what was behind all the clutter in her closet shelf. Cheryl moved over to Meryl’s bed and sat down. Meryl finally turned around and looked at her mother.

“What are you doing?” she asked once she realized that her mother wasn’t helping.

Her mom sighed loudly. “Your journal is in my purse downstairs,” she told her daughter. “I’m assuming the rest would probably be in your condo. You took them with you when you moved out.”

Meryl quickly moved toward the door.

“Meryl,” she heard her mother call out. Her tone was more serious than what Meryl was used to these last few days.

Meryl turned around to see her mother staring at her hands, head bowed down.

“I…. I don’t think you should read those journals just yet. It’s too soon,” her mother quietly said.

Meryl remained quiet. She was starting to get nervous.

“Did _you_ read them?” she finally asked her mother.

Cheryl quickly shook her head. “No, but I know. A mother knows these things.”

“ _What_ do you know?” Meryl asked.

“I know that the night before Charlie for New York to propose to Tanith, he asked you to come to dinner, and you turned him down. You told him that you were having dinner with me,” she said.

Meryl shrugged her shoulders as if she still didn’t understand what her mother was saying. “So?”

Her mother continued, “I happened to be at Jacqui’s house when he called you. I overheard his conversation. You and I weren’t meeting up for dinner that night. You were… trying to avoid him.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Meryl asked.

“Those journals,” Cheryl pointed out, “will give you more insight into who you are, but I feel like, it’s going to be a lot for you to take in, especially with your fragile mental state, and the loss of your memory.”

“What are you worried about, Mom?” Meryl asked frankly.

“I’m afraid that you’re not going to be prepared for what happened to you,” Cheryl told her daughter, “especially in regards to…”

“Charlie.”

Cheryl nodded her head.

“So, what? Were you planning on hiding the journals from me forever?” Meryl asked frustrated.

“No, but I was going to hold onto them for a little bit longer,” her mother confessed. “I felt you hanging out with Charlie was a better idea than sifting through those journals. At least spending time with him meant than you were reconnecting on a personal level.”

Meryl moved toward the bed and sat near her mother. She remained silent, lost in thought. She weighed the pros and cons of reading the journals. There was a possibility that reading her journals would give her a glimpse to who she _really_ was and trigger a memory or two.

Cheryl placed a hand on Meryl’s hands and turned to look at her daughter. “As much as I can tell you what I think, you know that it’s still your decision to make. You’re pretty good with your intuition, so whatever you decide, it’s probably the right one.”

Meryl turned to her mother with a serious expression.

Cheryl smiled and let out a small laugh. “I know that look,” she said, then quietly continued, “I’ll be right back.”

Meryl sat on her bed while she watched her mother leave the room and head down the stairs. Meryl sat in silence for what felt like eternity. She didn’t hear her mother reenter the room. She had been too busy doubting her decision. _You could always change your mind_ , she thought to herself.

Cheryl held out a dark blue journal and offered it to her daughter.

Meryl swallowed and slowly reached out for it. She open the first page and noticed the big looped cursive writing.

 _This journal belongs to Meryl Elizabeth Davis, daughter-sister-friend-Olympian._  

Meryl grabbed the pages and ran her fingers through the edges. She lifted the journal to her nose and found herself smelling the pages. It smelled of lavender and a slight hint of her usual perfume. Meryl inhaled deeply.

“I remember this smell,” she murmured. “Weird.”

Cheryl smiled and shook her head. “Not really. People remember different things. It doesn’t surprise me that you remember the smell. You spent a lot of your downtime writing in that thing.”

Meryl smiled and waited.

Cheryl stood up and looked at her daughter. “I’m going to give you some time alone. Call me if you need anything.” She kissed her forehead before heading out the door once again.

Meryl sighed and looked at the dark blue book on her lap. It was a rather simple-looking journal, leather bounded with no way to indicate that within the pages held her deepest, darkest thoughts. Meryl ran her fingers on its front cover and waited a few seconds before deciding to skim through the pages. A mixture of emotions ran through her. She was excited, scared, nervous, and relieved.

Meryl’s first instinct was to look at her last entry. It was written the night before her accident. The curiosity was overwhelming. She wondered if it would offer a hint into what had been going on. Especially regarding the dinner invitation she’d turned down, and Charlie’s proposal. From what her mom had told her, the accident had happened the night he was going to propose. So maybe she’d written something about it, she wondered.

Meryl instantly noticed the water blotches against the written words on the pages. Her cursive writing was smeared from what appeared to be her tears, she guessed.

She read a paragraph and remembered again what her mother had just told her. She lied to Charlie about dinner, not because she didn’t want to see him but she was afraid of what she might say. ~~~~

_I would have made a fool of myself. I know I would have, but worst of all, I would have asked him. Maybe even pleaded. I would have asked him to marry me instead, and not her. But I know it wouldn’t have been fair. It wouldn’t have been fair to him._

Meryl bit her bottom lip, hard, and felt the hint of that memory start to seep back in, as she read the last words that had been written in her journal. She felt a tinge of sadness as she whispered the words aloud, written at the bottom of the page:

_It’s done. He’s gone and I’ve lost him forever._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fan fiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.
> 
> The next section is divided into two chapters. It is the culmination flashbacks and journal entries so I hope it's not too confusing. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy. Thank you for the words of encouragement!!

It took Meryl all night to decide what the best way was to tell Charlie about her journals. She debated with herself, locked in her room after her mother had left her alone, skipping out on dinner because she wasn’t hungry. She had no appetite.

She wanted to continue reading, reintroducing her memories one entry at a time. When that was done, she asked her mother if they could drive to her condo to pick up the rest of her journals. Her mother went with her, even after noticing that it was late, because, all in all, she loved her daughter, and this is what Meryl needed to do.

Meryl had visited her condo sporadically in the days after her accident, never lingering for long, picking up certain things and leaving the unfamiliarity behind. It can be sorted out later. This time, standing in the doorway leading to her walk-in closet, her palms were sweating and her throat felt constricted.

The journals were easy to find, despite the fact they were in the only unmarked box in her closet. It was as if she knew right where to find them. With her mother’s help, she pulled the box down and set it atop her bed. There were at least six journals, dated back to 2002, filled with the same big-looped cursive writing she had now. Some pages contained magazine articles, newspaper clippings, and a few souvenirs from fans that she had met over the years. There were several pictures glued neatly in pages that signified a specific moment in her and Charlie’s competitive careers. They looked so young. Meryl couldn’t help but giggle at a few.

“We were quite silly, weren’t we?” she asked with a big smile on her face.

Meryl’s mother leaned over and peeked at the photo she was looking at, giggling as well. “You guys were kids, and the best of friends. You never told us that, but Jacqui and I knew. We can tell by how you looked at each other- no words were needed to explain, you two just got each other.”

When Meryl heard her mother talk about being the best of friends, she smiled quietly.

“Meryl,” her mother finally spoke up. “It can’t be done; this thing you’re planning. It can’t be done. Someone will end up hurt, and I’m afraid.”

Meryl placed the journal back into the box. She felt her mother’s eyes on her. She finally looked up, and saw the fear creeping into her mother’s eyes.

“I don’t want you getting hurt,” Cheryl clarified. “I’m afraid that after all that you’ve been through, you’re going to get hurt.”

Meryl rummaged through the box again, and sought out one of her early journals.

“Mom,” Meryl started, “I want to show you an entry. Mind you, that I don’t remember writing this, nor have I read it, but I know it exists, because of something Charlie told me about.”

Meryl picked up the journal and skipped to the month and day closest to the event that had occurred. She neatly folded the top corner of the page and handed it over to her mother.

 

**_January 2004_ **

**_I had a wonderful surprise tonight. Charlie arrived in my room near midnight and coerced me to join him on the outdoor patio. Remember to thank his sisters for such a gesture. He had persuaded a security guard (he gave him exhibition passes) to allow us to celebrate my birthday underneath the stars. Sometimes I don’t know what to make of him. He can be such a dork with his endless talk of hockey and video games but then he does these things. I would have talked about the chocolate cake or how beautiful the night’s skies were but all I can remember right now is Charlie’s smile and nervous laughter as he persuaded me to join him to sit with him on top of the table. My heart fluttered a little and I wished it was because I was afraid we were going to get in trouble, being alone in a closed restaurant. Deep down inside, though, I know why it beats the way it does when he’s near. I know why when our hands are so close, I want to inch closer and let our pinkies wrap one another. Everything that I feel about Charlie is changing and I know for a fact that I’m falling for him but I’m afraid. I’m so afraid._ **

 

Meryl’s mother looked up with tears in her eyes. She had wondered before about the possibility her daughter had fallen for the boy she met so long ago. The same boy who became her best friend and constant companion.

Now she knew. It had happened a long time ago, at the age of sixteen, under a blanket of stars.

“I wish you would have told me,” Cheryl murmured as she closed Meryl’s journal.

Meryl shook her head, “It wouldn’t have mattered, Mom. There was nothing you could have done.”

Meryl was right. There was nothing that Cheryl could have done. She would confided in Jacqui, but it would have no result. What were they supposed to do? Play matchmaker to their two teenaged kids? Separate them? It would have been a lose-lose situation for everyone involved.

Cheryl moved forward, pulling Meryl in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Meryl’s mother said sympathetically.

“I know,” Meryl responded by hugging her mother tightly, then added, “I wished I had told you.”

“So what are you going to do?” her mother asked, standing up to face her.

“I don’t know,” Meryl responded, frowning and shrugging her shoulders. “I thought about leaving it outside his doorstep, but it seemed cowardly.”

“Wait. You were planning to just give these journals to him?” her mother asked. “That’s a bit much, don’t you think? I mean, these are personal thoughts, Meryl; that you’ve had over the years. I don’t think that’s a good idea, even if you remember only certain things. These journals can’t all be about Charlie.”

Meryl laughed. Her mother was right. The journals were an intimate look into her life. They weren’t all about Charlie. There were some things she needed to keep to herself. They were, after all, her most inner thoughts.

Meryl stood up, carrying the box with her.

“I guess the only way to do this is to face him one on one, “she told her mother as she started walking toward the door.

Her mom looked at her, concerned.

“And yes, mom, to answer your next question, I’m scared. I’m really, really scared. But I need to do this.”

* * *

Meryl picked up a journal and watched as an envelope fell from its pages. She instantly recognized the penmanship, addressed to Meryl in the same sloppy handwriting that could only be from Charlie White. Meryl felt her heart beating against her chest, the thumping only made louder by the eerie silence that came at two o’clock in the morning. She walked over to her bed, slowly turning the envelope over. She pulled out the notebook paper and began to read.

 

                                                                                                                                                March 18, 2009

Dear Meryl,

I write this letter with a heavy heart knowing that you may never look at me the way I hope you would. It would be so much easier to let this go and perhaps throw this letter in the trash before sending it your way. So I will just say it.

Meryl, I have loved you for a long time now.

I really don’t know when or how it happened but it did. It has grown over the years and with every passing season it has only gotten deeper.

I’m sorry that I walked out on you the way I did. I was too angry with myself, letting out those dreadful words. I didn’t mean it and I’m truly sorry. I was only fueled by my bitterness.

I had debated on letting you know how I felt about you for some time now. I only had the courage to do so because of the kiss that we shared that night. Then again, I felt like we had this incredible connection that I couldn’t explain and still can’t. I figured you must have felt it too, but I was wrong.

When you told me that we needed to stay friends, even without saying a single word, I have to admit that I was angry. I kept thinking to myself…we would be great together, being more than just friends. But I starting thinking about a worst case scenario- what if we didn’t work out, what if we end up hurting each other? I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and you are everything to me. You’re the reason why there’s always a tomorrow to look forward to.

So this is what I’m telling you. Maybe in time, this feeling of hopelessness will leave but for now, I give you my love faithfully, willingly, and without circumstance. If there ever comes a day when you decide to give this boy, the same boy that held your hand for the first time twelve years ago a chance, I’ll be waiting. I’ll be waiting at the rink, near the lake, underneath the tree marked with our initials, but hopefully in a small space within your heart.

Forever yours,

Charles Allen White

 

Meryl neatly folded the letter back into the envelope. She sighed heavily and walked over to her bay window with her journal. She licked her lips and went through the pages, looking for an entry.

 

**_March 2009_ **

**_Charlie hates me. I know he does. He tried to hold my hand as we waited off the ice today and I pulled away. The look on his face said it all. He wants more. We never talked about the possibility, especially since November, but I know we don’t have time for this kind of distraction. The Olympics is less than a year away. We are constantly reminded by our coaches. Why doesn’t he get that? There’s so much at stake and we’ve come so far. What if we mess up? I had to tell him that I didn’t feel the same way and he was crushed. I called out for him, hoping that he would turn around, but no. He left me at the skating rink by myself, waiting for him to come back and he never did. I thought about it as I sat there waiting for him, if lying was the right decision. I had to lie to him. But I wonder. If it was the right decision, then why am I fighting the urge to throw up thinking about it?_ **

 

Meryl sat and looked out her window, her eyes focused on the flickering street light a few yards away.

_You lied to him, Meryl. You wanted to be with him as much he wanted to be you, but still you lied._

“We had goals that we needed to accomplished,” she muttered under her breath, defending herself in the dark.

The memory of that day was slowly coming back to her.

_Charlie was running late for practice. She had been in the locker room, lacing her skates, early as always, getting ready for the day. He had shown up twenty five minutes after she arrived, dropping his gym bag unceremoniously on the floor. The loud thud broke Meryl away from the list she was mentally preparing in her head. She lifted her head and threw him a look._

_“Sorry,” he let out a nervous laugh. “Isn’t it a bit too early to be thinking about taking over the world, Davis?”_

_Meryl stood up and walked over to where her partner was sitting on the bench, unlacing his shoes. She put her hands on his shoulders, leveling her gaze with him. “I’m thinking about our goals, Charlie, and what we need to do to accomplish them today. The Olympics is only a few months away and we need to step it up a notch.”_

_Charlie smiled. She knew he was teasing her. “Mer, I think about them too, you know,” he told her as he brought his hand up to squeeze the one on his shoulder._

_Meryl squinted her eyes at Charlie, making a face and him, and moved to make her way out of the locker room. “I hear you, Charlie White,” she said out loud as she opened the door._

_“I didn’t even say anything!” he yelled from across the room, trying hard not to laugh so loud._

_He didn’t need to say anything. Meryl knew his silence as she left the room was enough to let her know. She needed to relax. She needed to do what they had always done best. She needed to take things one day at a time._

_Meryl stood in the hallway, swaying from side to side to keep herself warm, waiting for Charlie. He finally took his place by her side, and nudged her arm with his elbow. He smiled, then grabbed a hold of her hand and laced his fingers with hers._

_“What are you doing?” she asked, looking down at their hands._

_They never held hands off the ice. They never held hands like this off the ice, especially rink side._

_Charlie looked down at their hands and shrugged his shoulders. He lifted their hands, “holding your hand.”_

_“I see that, Charlie,” she told him, annoyed with his answer, “but, why are you holding my hand…here?”_

_Charlie moved toward the rink, slightly tugging her toward the entrance of the rink. She pulled back and unfolded his fingers from hers. She was embarrassed by his public display of affection, tucking the few strands of hair behind her ears, eyes casted downward away from his._

_“It’s not the first time I held your hand off the ice, Mer. Winter formal, my house. Remember? I held your hand then,” he said as he inched closer to her, smiling again._

_Meryl shook her head, slowly heading back towards the hallway, away from prying eyes. “Charlie, I was asleep,” she hissed, her eyes darting around to make sure no one was watching … or listening._

_“You weren’t asleep when I grabbed a hold of your hand, Mer. You were awake. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have said that. I don’t get it. Why are you pretending this didn’t happen?” His eyes searched hers, concerned. “Are you embarrassed? We just held hands.”_

_“Listen. I’m not denying anything. I’m just afraid that you’re reading into that as something more...” Meryl trailed off the last part of her sentence._

_Charlie remained silent as he thought about what he wanted to say._

_“You mean… to tell me that you’ve never expected more, from this,” Charlie used his fingers to point to both him and Meryl._

_Meryl paused, then slowly shook her head in response. She couldn’t look at him. She continued to look down and to the side, avoiding his eyes._

_“You kissed me,” Charlie whispered, “the night before our free dance at the Cup of Russia. You kissed me outside my hotel room, in the hallway.”_

_“Charlie, you fell three times that night,” Meryl said, using her explanation as if it was a valid reason._

_Charlie stammered, “So y-you kissed me, because you felt sorry for me?”_

_“I was being…supportive,” she responded weakly._

_“You were being supportive?” Charlie stopped in the middle of the hallway, shocked, and started laughing. He ran his hands through his hair, obviously hurt by her choice of words. He turned to face her. “OK. Well, how many falls would it have taken for you to get in my bed, Meryl? Fuck!”_

_Meryl immediately slapped Charlie across the face. The sound reverberated throughout Meryl’s ears. She didn’t know what hurt more, his words or her hand._

_It was as if time stood still. It was the first time Meryl had used any kind of physical contact against Charlie._

_The stunned look on Charlie’s face made it obvious that he did not expect Meryl to react the way she did. He stood, like his feet were cemented in place, staring at Meryl. Meryl knew her eyes were getting watery and her tears ready to fall._

_“Charlie! In my office…NOW!!” Marina yelled from the opposite end of the hallway._

_Charlie clenched his jaw and tilted his head from side to side. He straightened his posture and turned toward their coach, heading slowly into her office. Meryl leaned against the wall, watching him walk in, and the door slam shut._

_She looked up at the ceiling, and waited._

_Fifteen minutes had passed when Meryl heard the door to their coach’s office open. Charlie walked out, eyes staring forward, oblivious to Meryl’s presence._

_“Charlie,” she called out as she stepped forward to meet him halfway._

_Charlie turned his head, purposefully avoiding her gaze, and continued his pace. She tried to grab hold of his hand, but he lifted it in a silent attempt to stop her from talking._

_“Charlie, please,” Meryl pleaded as he continued to walk away from her. She began to walk after him._

_“Meryl,” Marina called out from behind her, “let Charlie go. Practice cancelled for today.”_

_She turned around to face her coach. Meryl bit her bottom lip as she quickly glanced at Charlie once more, his back facing her as he continued his way out of the building. She was afraid. She didn’t know what was going on, and it was scaring her._

_Charlie had never once given her the silent treatment. He had never walked away when she called his name. They were always able to talk to one another. This was why their relationship worked for so long the way it did._

_This time, though, Meryl fought hard to hold back her tears as she continued to watch the only man in her life walk away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Nora for the edit. Grateful as always.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when an unexpected event takes over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fanfiction. Real people. Not so real events. Anything else is coincidental.

**_November 2008_ **

**_Charlie and I shared our first kiss tonight. We sat outside our hotel rooms in the hallway after our original dance. I didn’t know how to comfort him, especially after falling three times during our routine. We just sat beside each other in silence. I wanted to offer words of encouragement but instead he reached over and held my hand like he did during the night of his winter formal. It was his way of letting him know that he was sorry. Sorry for what, I don’t know. He didn’t need any words from me; he just wanted me near. I found myself inching closer to him and the next thing I know, my head is on his shoulder and his head is leaning against mine. He finally looked at me after I turned my head to face him.   It didn’t take long for either one of us to decide._ **

**_It was exactly like I thought it would be, and best of all, we didn’t miss. Our lips met each other’s unlike Tessa and Scott. Tessa told me they missed on their first kiss. We didn’t. It would have been perfect, except for us both laughing after it happened. I guess we were both nervous. I guess it suited us, kissing and laughing about it the way we did._ **

Meryl placed her journal beside her as she watched the sun’s rays peek through the small spaces between her curtains. She remembered that day: the Cup of Russia, in 2008.

_Charlie was off that day, even before they arrived at the arena. Something was eating away at him and Meryl couldn’t figure it out. Asking about it would have made his nerves worse. Besides, Meryl and Charlie rarely talked before a skate. They just dealt with it on their own, like they always had._

_Still, when it was over, she couldn’t believe he had fallen three times. Charlie was just as shocked as she was, but more so, upset with himself for disappointing them. The scores came in, and Meryl remembered grimacing, bent over, clenching her teeth, bracing for the worse. She remembered her coach laughing in the hallway, not at Charlie in particular, but at the whole incident. “Two left feet,” he kept muttering, shaking his head, “two left feet.” Meryl would have lashed out against their coach, but she knew he meant no harm. What was done was done._

_She watched as their coach patted Charlie on the back and reminded him that everyone has a bad skate. Charlie immediately turned to look at Meryl and she knew what he was thinking. Everyone but Meryl. She walked over to him, squeezed his hand, and then shook her head._

_“Don’t…” she whispered, letting him know she knew what he was thinking. “Don’t even. “_

_Charlie shrugged and moved to walk away. She followed him in silence, half a step behind. He waited a few times, hidden behind makeshift walls or people, when a fan called out for her and stopped to wave. She gave him a half-hearted smile. Charlie was completely devastated about his performance and yet, he still waited for her._

_They made it to their hotel rooms without uttering a single word. Charlie sat on the bus majority of the time staring outside the window, thinking about what had happened. Meryl sat beside him, picking on the loose thread that came undone on her jacket. She didn’t want to push the issue of having him talk. She knew that when he was ready, he would. She caught herself looking at him a few times, hoping he would turn his head and look at her. If he did, she thought to herself, she would find the courage to tell him she loved him, no matter what. Charlie never did, so the words were left unspoken._

_Dinner went as well as their bus ride. They both sat in silence, Charlie playing with his food, while Meryl continued to take quick glances at her partner. No one wanted to talk about it and Meryl was grateful. She couldn’t bear the idea of someone giving Charlie and her any pep talks. They knew what happened and they knew what needed to be done._

_“I think I’m going to stay out here and just sit a while,” Charlie spoke when they, along with their mothers, arrived at their adjoining rooms._

_“I’m going to sit out here with Charlie,” she added, then turned to face him, “if that’s okay with you, of course.”_

_Cheryl and Jacqui nodded. Their mothers wanted to stay close for as long as they could, especially after such a disastrous performance. Cheryl pointed into Meryl’s room, gesturing to her that they would hang out in her room while she and Charlie sat outside._

_Charlie lowered himself to the ground, his back leaning against the wall. His knees were folded, hands to his side and eyes looking up to the ceiling. Meryl followed suit but sat with her legs folded, her knees slightly brushing against his thighs. She focused on her hands, her fingers intertwining with one another. She felt him move beside her and was hardly taken aback when he reached out for her hand._

_She didn’t look up to meet his eyes to question it, but instead watched as he laced his fingers with hers. Meryl realized, in the dimmed lighting of the hotel hallway, how well their hands fit together. How his larger hand covered her small hand perfectly. She continued to study their hands, marveling at the sensation he was causing when he began to stroke his thumb against the area between her thumb and pointer. She sighed._

_Without thinking, she tilted her head until it found a spot on his shoulder. Meryl felt the pressure of his own head leaning against the top of her head._

_“I’m really sorry, Mer,” he quietly muttered._

_“Charlie, there’s nothing to be sorry about,” she replied, pulling their hands onto her lap. She glanced up to look Charlie and for the first time since the competition, he gave her a small smile. She found his eyes light up when she returned his smile with one of her own._

_She slightly tilted her head toward his and he followed. He waited. She was sure he was waiting for her to make a move if she wanted to, so she did. Their lips met with a soft push. Charlie moved to press his free hand against her cheek. Her right hand moved up his chest, and slid around to the back of his neck. She pulled him closer. Their kiss was sweet, as innocent as it could be for a first kiss. They separated slowly, their foreheads still pressed against each other, using the opportunity of separation to catch their breath._

_“Say something,” Charlie breathed, nervous about Meryl’s reaction._

_Meryl thought as she continued to stare as Charlie’s lips and biting on her own. “We didn’t miss,” saying the first thing that popped in her head._

_Charlie laughed, pulling away from her. “Scott told you that they missed too, huh?”_

_Meryl giggled and nodded. “Got to give them some credit, though, they were only ten at the time.”_

_“I guess, being twenty-one gives us an advantage.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Well, it should give us the advantage.”_

_Meryl felt a blush creeping up her neck again, and leaned against Charlie, her head finding a spot between his shoulder and the crook of his neck. They both sighed in unison and nervous laughter once again took over._

_“Meryl,” Charlie started when his laughter died down. He debated what words to choose next. He swallowed and waited, hoping he could find a word that wouldn’t make things awkward. “Thank you.”_

_He hated himself for what he didn’t have the courage to say._

_Meryl squeezed Charlie’s hand. He looked down at their hands, fingers still tangled the same way when they started and felt her sigh into his chest. His worst day had become his best._

**All because of her.**  

* * *

Charlie knocked on Cheryl’s door the next morning. He was nervous about stopping by so early; afraid he would find a certain someone’s rental car in the driveway. He had waited all night for Meryl’s phone call, giving her time to settle whatever she needed to with him. Charlie had never waited so anxiously, tossing and turning, dwelling on the endless possibilities of what was to come.

He envisioned Meryl coming back to his mother’s house, arm in arm with Maksim, smiling from ear to ear, with Maks recounting how it was he who got her to remember everything there was about her. It was meant to be she would say, he brought me back. Charlie shuddered at the thought. He was sick to his stomach thinking about how a man she knew for only three months could possess some sort of miracle powers on the same girl he had known practically his entire life.

Charlie saw the curtain next to the door shift aside. It was Cheryl, dressed in her robe, peeking out. Charlie waited a minute or two before he finally heard the locks on the door turning. The Davis family probably wasn’t expecting him, or anyone for that matter, to show up at seven o’clock in the morning.

“Charlie, sweetheart,” Cheryl opened the door slightly, hugging her robe tightly to her body, “why are you here so early in the morning?”

Charlie twisted sideways, waving his hand to distract himself from his embarrassment. “Ah. I was in the neighborhood, I guess, and um, I thought I’d stop by and see how things were.”

Charlie knew Cheryl knew. This was no impromptu stopover. She knew Meryl’s silence over her visit from Maks was killing him. Meryl had made no attempt to reach out to Charlie. She was engrossed in her journals, still trying to find out more about herself with every page she turned. Memories were coming back slowly but surely; the ones with Charlie were harder to fill.

Cheryl glanced at the stairway, and then back at Charlie. After a moment, she sighed lightly, and stepped to the side, inviting Charlie in. He smiled in response.

Charlie felt grateful Cheryl didn’t outright reject his request for a visit. He really wanted to see Meryl; see how she was doing. He had missed her. More than he wanted to admit.

“I think Meryl’s still asleep, Charlie,” Cheryl spoke in a hushed tone.

She pushed the door softly and it shut with a soft click. The house was eerily quiet; the only sound was the coffee pot brewing in the background. Charlie wasn’t a coffee drinker, never having managed to acquire the taste for it. Meryl used to joke how he had to use a chaser to down his coffee. It’s a Charlie White thing, she teased.

“Would you like some coffee?” Cheryl asked, already knowing the answer, but asking to be polite.

“Of course,” Charlie replied, causing Cheryl to raise an eyebrow.

_I can tolerate some coffee while I wait and stall for Meryl._

Cheryl moved passed Charlie and he followed her into her kitchen. The morning’s newspaper was strewn all over the counter, sections divided and stacked for easier reading. Charlie smiled at the meticulous arrangement. At the White household, he would be lucky to have portions of the paper still intact by the time he wanted to read it. Here, at the Davis household, sections were neatly divided and arranged accordingly.

Charlie watched as Cheryl moved from one end of the kitchen to the other, fixing both of them a cup of coffee. She added two sugars and cream to Charlie’s without asking, only because she knew he was going to casually sip on his drink and if she did ask him, he probably didn’t know what he liked in the first place.

Once she placed the cup in front of him, Charlie picked up the steaming cup and placed it to his lips. Cheryl watched as he struggled to block out the smell before taking a sip of the hot liquid. Cheryl tried to stifle her laugh as she saw the look on Charlie’s face.

She waited a few more minutes before continuing.

“Maks left yesterday, Charlie,” Cheryl blurted out before taking a sip of her coffee, “he didn’t stay long.”

Charlie nodded in response, grasping his cup with both hands. He was letting the warmth of the coffee settle his nerves. He didn’t realize how much comfort he got from hearing Cheryl say those words. Charlie looked up to see if she would expand more on her statement. He cleared his throat, letting out a long sigh.

“Anything else, you’re going to have to ask her,” Cheryl added, leaning against the counter farthest away from him.

“Ask me about what?”

Charlie and Cheryl quickly turned to find Meryl walking into the kitchen.

Cheryl quickly grabbed her cup of coffee and the local section of her newspaper off the counter. Meryl got wind of her mother’s gaze as she approached her. Cheryl smiled and looked over at Charlie before walking out.

Meryl walked over to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup.

“So,” she asked, with her back turned away from him. “What did you want to ask me about?”

Meryl was busy fixing her cup, occupying her attention anything besides Charlie. She stalled herself further by slowly stirring her coffee. Meryl had made the decision earlier this morning that she was going to confront Charlie with questions from her journal. Seeing Charlie in her mother’s kitchen was fate’s cruel joke to make the process happen sooner than later.  

Charlie shrugged his shoulders in response, embarrassed that Meryl had overheard some of the conversation he had with her mother.

“I was worried yesterday, when you left,” he said as he turned his head away from Meryl, casually glancing outside the sliding doors. “I didn’t know if you were okay.”

“I’m okay,” she said, moving to sit across from where Charlie was sitting. “Maks and I had a good talk.”

Charlie’s nervousness was obvious as he tapped his fingers on the counter. He needed to find a way to distract himself from looking into her eyes. He really didn’t want to hear what she had to say about the guy who came all the way across the country and, well... He couldn’t bear the thought of her making plans to move away from Michigan with Maksim.

“So…” Charlie trailed off, unsure of what exactly to ask her, and ashamed of himself at the same time for prying into her business.

Meryl waited for Charlie’s next question. When none came out, Meryl picked up her cup of coffee and walked out of the kitchen and into the patio. She stood by the banister and a few moments later, Charlie joined her outside.

Charlie was the first to speak, pointing to the tree across her parents’ backyard.

“We carved our initials into the bark of that tree over there,” he told her.

“I know,” she replied, realizing, at that moment, the tree he pointed at was the same tree Charlie had written about in his letter.

“Wait. You do?” he asked, surprised by her admission and immediately started laughing. “OK, well, do you remember the day when we did it? You were so mad at me.”

Meryl shook her head. Charlie looked at Meryl, confused. Meryl sighed out loud turning around to face the sliding doors while Charlie continued to stare out at the backyard.

“I found the letter you wrote to me, a long time ago. It fell out of my journal,” she explained, taking a sip of her coffee. She crossed her legs at her ankles as she leaned back against the banister, waiting for his response.

He exhaled slowly. “That was… a long time ago,” he said under his breath, trying to come up an excuse for writing the letter.

Meryl and Charlie sat in silence for several long moments, waiting for the other to speak.

“Why do you love Tanith the way you do?” Meryl asked suddenly, surprised by her own candidness.

Meryl watched Charlie’s face as he considered the question. He pressed his lips together. “Um. A lot of reasons, I guess. She’s a beautiful girl; she’s kind, smart,” Charlie glanced down at his hands gripping the banister tightly, “and, ah, she’s good for me.”

“Hm,” Meryl replied immediately.

“She’s also … safe,” Charlie whispered, regretting the word as it rolled off his lips.

“Safe?” Meryl asked, confused.

“I… When I’m with her, I feel safe with her,” Charlie said quietly, his eyes staring at the lawn in front of him. She watched as he swallowed. “I know… she won’t break my heart.”

Meryl couldn’t stop the next words from forming, “You’re with Tanith only because you know she won’t break your heart? That’s a bit cowardly, don’t you think?”

“That’s not the only reason,” Charlie countered defensively. “But…” He let out a small laugh and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. I tried to be brave once and told this girl how I felt about her, but she couldn’t, um…”

“Charlie,” Meryl cut in angrily. “You started dating Tanith _three months_ after that letter,” Meryl’s voice rose an octave. “Maybe -- maybe it was really just a crush then?”

“I did it to get back at you,” he confessed, his voice lowered, ashamed, “but you didn’t even react. You didn’t care.”

Meryl snorted, “I cared. I just never said anything, because you looked genuinely happy with her. And I… I just wanted you to be happy.”

“I was happy with her. I am happy with her,” he confirmed her statement. He stalled before continuing, “You were never going to say anything, were you?” he asked, his brow furrowing. “So that’s why you wouldn’t come to dinner with me the night before I left to New York. You were afraid what would happen – that you might say something. Or I might. I dunno. Right?”

“I was… trying to be supportive,” Meryl replied, using the same word she did to describe their first kiss, but her voice cracked at the end.

Charlie felt himself growing more and more angry. He hated that word. _Supportive._ It left such an ugly taste in his mouth.

“I hate that word,” he said, repeating it aloud, “Supportive. God, Meryl. When are you going to stop pulling that kind of shit? Being so systematic. Not everything has to be black and white, you know. We don’t have to have a plan, have lists, or itineraries. Sometimes --- fuck. Sometimes, you just have to let things happen.”

Meryl remained quiet, lost in thought, trying to making sense of what Charlie was saying.

“So…” Charlie said, quietly now. “What do you expect me to do?” he asked, breaking her away from her thoughts.

The question caught her off guard. “What? What do you mean?”

Charlie straightened up. “I mean, am I supposed to break off my relationship with Tanith, just because you suddenly figured out you had these feelings? Feelings, you don’t even understand right now? Feelings you can’t remember? I mean…”

“I don’t know.”

“We have a house, you know. We bought a house together,” Charlie stated, as if he was convincing himself why breaking it off with Tanith was a bad idea.

“I know,” Meryl whispered, trying her hardest not to get too emotional.

“She’s expecting me to ask me to marry her, you know. I, um…” He wanted to bring up the fact he had planned the event months ago, but knew that was just rubbing salt into the wound. For both of them.

“I know,” she repeated, biting onto her bottom lip.

“I can’t just get up and leave her, even if…” Charlie couldn’t finish his sentence.

Meryl felt herself tense up before he could finish. Even if…what?

“I don’t want you to do anything you might regret later,” she told him, unsure if she was talking about herself or Charlie.

“Then why do this, Meryl? Why bring this up? Why now?” Charlie asked, frustrated. He was not mentally and emotionally prepared for her revelation when he decided to visit her this morning. It was all coming toward him too fast and too hard. “I mean, I just… I can’t. I have too much invested in my life now, with Tanith.”

“I know,” Meryl said once again, unable to find a more proper response.

Charlie turned around, moving toward the door. Before he went to leave, he added, just loud enough for her to hear, “I just can’t, Meryl. I’m sorry.”

Meryl watched Charlie walk away, swallowing back the tears that had already started to form in the back of her throat, and then whispered to herself, “I know.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events affect their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the editing queen Nora for a wonderful job once again. I swear it's almost over and you don't have to suffer reading my work for a while. Thanks girl. I really appreciate it.

Charlie returned home for the first time since Meryl’s accident. It was the only place he could think of that might temporarily rid him of thoughts of Meryl. 

The problem was that _everything_ reminded him of Meryl. Seventeen years together was a hard deal to shake.

Charlie walked in and turned on all the lights. He found his house surprisingly tidy; a clear sign Tanith had been there before leaving for her parents’.   The dishes were put away, laundry neatly piled on the dryer, and shoes arranged by the doorway.  He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he walked into the living room. His face was flushed, a reaction caused by Meryl’s revelation. His feelings toward the whole situation became more complicated.  He noticed his eyes too. They were red as a result from him rubbing his eyes.

“I just can’t. It’s too late,” he muttered to himself as he paced from one side of the living room to the other.

Charlie paused, turned, and found himself staring at an array of photos, arranged neatly in the corner on a shelf. He shook his head, remembering the conversation he had with Tanith when they finally started moving in.

 

_"You are **not** seriously considering putting up **all**  those photos, are you?” Tanith had asked, as she watched Charlie remove the photo frames from the box._

_They had only a few days before Charlie was up and out of Michigan again. Business was taking him cross-country, first to Cincinnati, then New York City. This was the only time he had to help her move into their new home. His mother had brought a box full of old photographs from her attic. Some mementos, Jacqui had told him, mostly pictures she had taken over the years._

_Charlie looked up, then and found himself absentmindedly moving the items around in the box. Tanith knew from his expression he was seriously considering it ._

_"There’s only a few,” he pointed out, ashamed to look her straight into the eye._

_"Charlie, there are literally more pictures of you and Meryl than there are of the two of us,” she told him._

_“C’mon,” he had protested. “We’ve been skating for seventeen years, Tanith. It was our job. There’s bound to be a few of us together,” he had commented as he continued to busy his hands, shifting the frames around, inside the box. He almost felt guilty thinking about placing them on the living room shelf now._

_"I know,” she muttered under her breath, “you, and everyone else keep reminding me of it every day.”_

_Charlie had stopped what he was doing and replied, “That’s not fair, Tanith. Meryl is…”_

_“Is a part of you,” Tanith interrupted, cutting Charlie off mid-sentence. “Yeah, I know.” Tanith stalled before continuing, “I just... wonder when it’ll all end.”_

_"End?” Charlie had repeated with a confused look on his face. He didn’t know what Tanith was really asking._

_"That’s not what it sounds like, Charlie. I just, I mean, I guess I wonder when our lives can move on, away from Meryl being such an integral part of it,” Tanith said, eyes cast downward to avoid looking into his eyes. “You two have a great partnership, but … I mean…. when is it going to be about us? Just us,” she had emphasized, finally looking up at him._

_"Look,” Charlie had moved closer to Tanith and held her hands, “Meryl is my past and present because we’re partners. You’re my future. Besides, she’s only in the forefront of your worries because you allow her to be. If you don’t make her a big deal, she won’t be.”_

_Tanith looked into Charlie’s eyes before she had replied, “Oh, that’s where you’re wrong, Charlie. Meryl will **always** be a big deal .”_

 

Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about Tanith’s words. _Meryl will always be a big deal._ They continued to replay over and over again in his head, a constant reminder that, regardless of how hard he tried to refrain from thinking about his partner, he just _couldn’t_.

Meryl would _always_ be in his life; they were always going to be connected.

His thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. He glanced at the icon and saw that it was his mother. Charlie debated whether or not to answer it, afraid of theconversation that awaited him on the other end. He really didn’t want to hear what had just happened at the Davis household. He just wasn’t ready to hear from her. He waited for another ring before the guilt set in. 

He unlocked the phone and answered it.

“Where are you?” he heard her mother ask, offering no greeting.

“I’m at home, mom,” he replied, annoyed by the frank way she greeted him.

“Oh,” she said, followed by silence.

“She’s not here,” he told her, without waiting for an actual question.

“We figured,” her voice carried with worry. “Do you know where she might be? Cheryl’s worried. She’s been gone for few hours now and Cheryl has received no phone call, nor is Meryl answering her calls.” 

Charlie turned around in his living room and looked out the window. It was unlike Meryl to let her mother worry. He shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck, trying to figure out what was happening. He couldn’t think of any particular place Meryl might have gone, especially in the middle of the afternoon.

“I’m sure she’s alright, mom,” he reassured her, trying not to let his own worry get the better of him. 

Charlie went over to his kitchen counter to grab his keys. He didn’t have to reason with himself about going to find her. He knew he just needed to do it. A small beep came over his phone. He took a quick glance, at the incoming text notification. He sighed then told his mom, who was still on the line, “I know where she is. I’ll call you afterwards.”

Without letting her ask any more questions, Charlie hung up, placing the phone in his pocket. He knew exactly where he needed to go, but he would need to get there fast. The text message from Mr. Fairmont was slowly eating away at him.

**Fairmont, 2:23pm: I didn’t know if you knew but Meryl’s here and she’s getting ready to get to on the ice.**

* * *

Charlie, along with the skates in his gym bag, arrived to a ragged Mr. Fairmont, waiting for him in the lobby. The older man appeared disheveled, his shirt slightly untucked. His hair looked as if he had been trying to pull it out, strands sticking out in every direction. He had been waiting there for Charlie like an anxious parent, unsure of what else to do.

“She came in by herself and I waited a little bit.” Mr. Fairmont rushed up to him, catching Charlie before he fully stepped into the lobby. “Just in case you were going to show up, but when you didn’t, I knew I had to call you. With all that’s happened, you know.” 

Charlie smiled, “No, it’s fine, Mr. Fairmont. More than fine,” he added after a second. “Thanks for the call.”

Charlie walked across the lobby and saw Meryl sitting on the bleachers, leaning forward, with her elbows on her knees and hands covering the bottom half of her face. She was staring at the ice with a determined look on her face. Mr. Fairmont came behind him and spoke softly, “She’s just been sitting there. I think she’s apprehensive about getting on the ice.” 

Charlie nodded determinedly, turning to pat Mr. Fairmont on the shoulders, before he began walking toward Meryl.

She caught him heading in her direction, and immediately began wringing her hands nervously. Meryl frowned, fidgeted in her seat, and played with her hair, finally swinging it over to the side when he sat down a row below her.

“What are _you_ doing here?” she asked, refusing to look at him, instead staring straight out at the near empty ice rink.

“I could say the same thing about you,” he replied, glancing momentarily her way, then following her gaze toward the rink.

“I was wondering what all the fuss was about, you know, gold medalist and all,” she replied sarcastically, looking up at the banners that hung above them in the rafters.

Charlie looked up as well, to see several banners with their names embroidered, accolades and recognition stamped across them.   He shrugged his shoulders, and casually glanced back at Meryl. He returned his gaze to the rink when she didn’t turn to look at him. She stretched out her legs, crossing her ankles atop the row in front of her. Her fingers were gripping onto the armrests. She was trying _so hard_ not to look at him. _Why?_ he wondered.

“I bet you’re still a better skater than me,” he pointed out, picking any subject to talk about to make things less awkward.

“I seriously doubt that,” she replied almost immediately.

“Muscle memory. It’s like riding a bike,” he told her as he began drawing circles with his fingers on the bench.

“Well,” Meryl started, then continued with a frown, “the fact that I don’t even know if I know how to ride a bike makes your point moot.”

Charlie looked up, “Trust me. You can ride a bike—better than most people, too.”

“Except you, perhaps?” she asked, teasing.

“Of course not,” he let out a small laugh. “I have to be better than you in something. Biking and hockey. But hockey is something I have an advantage in.”

“Oh?”

“You’re not interested in sports so much,” he told her. “I mean, you can _tolerate_ watching certain sports, but playing… well, you always said you had better things to do with your ‘valuable time,’” he explained, making finger quotes.

Meryl laughed, “I sound like such a snob.” 

Charlie shook his head and clarified, “No, no, no… It was more like, you always knew what you liked and what you didn’t like. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you a snob.”

They sat in silence and waited. When Charlie couldn’t find another conversation to start on, he opened up his gym bag and began removing his shoes. Meryl watched as he laced up his skates, his hair slightly covering his eyes and hands moving quickly, pulling and jerking his laces for a tighter fit. When he was done, he walked over to the boards and opened the door to the rink. She watched as Charlie stepped onto the ice, leaving the door open.

Meryl waited in anticipation, nervously debating whether or not putting on her skates was a mistake.

“Why are you doing this?” she called out to Charlie. “Why are you _here_ doing this? After all that happened this morning?” She felt unsure of what was going on between them; this hot and cold mess of feelings. 

He had left so quickly after she told him about the letter, and she thought she might not see him for a while. But he was here again, facing her, only hours after confronting him.                                                                                                                                                                           

She, herself, had spent the rest of her morning locked in her room.

Her mother had met Meryl at the bottom of the stairs when she finally emerged. They stood and stared at each other, listening to the crunching of gravel as Charlie drove away. Her mother’s heart broke for Meryl, her watery eyes threatening to turn into tears.

Meryl had shook her head, silently pleading with her mother to stop. She had shrugged her shoulders and let her mother know she was right. Telling Charlie was a risk, and the end result was exactly what her mother had expected. Meryl would be the one who was hurt in the end. Cheryl stepped forward to give her daughter a hug, but Meryl backed away, instead dragging her heavy feet and heart back up to her room. She felt like she was at a new level of exhaustion.  

She shouldn’t have expected anything more than the way Charlie reacted.

She shouldn’t have hoped for a grand display affection from her partner. Charlie would never be one to come in and sweep her off her feet, she realized, peppering her with endless kisses while confessing ‘I love you, too’ over and over. No. It was not meant to be.

Meryl should not have expected it, but she did.

In reality, she should have expected for Charlie to react exactly the way that he did. He was, after all, loyal to Tanith. Five years was a long time to be in a committed relationship, and he stood by it, never faltering, always making it work. Possibly fighting himself and his own feelings to make it work. 

Now, standing on the ice, Charlie replayed her question in his head, trying to figure out how to answer her without giving away too much. He _knew_ why he was on the ice, and why he quickly rushed out of his house to find her. He couldn’t stop himself; needing her the way he did, having to know that she was okay. His feelings had never really gone away. They had always been there; harbored by false pretenses and flimsy excuses.

If he tried hard enough to tell as many people their relationship was nothing more than _unique_ , maybe, he had thought, those inappropriate feelings would slowly go away.

But they never did.

 _Because deep down inside, I love you too_ , he thought.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders, leaving his words unspoken, but pleading with his eyes for her to join him on the ice. They needed this. They _both_ needed this. 

Meryl let out a long sigh, and turned her head to look around the rink, subconsciously counting the number of people and playing the scenarios of her falling on the ice.

“Don’t think about it too much, Mer,” Charlie called out, breaking her away from her thoughts. “Just get on the ice. If you dwell on those doubts you’re having, they’ll win. Besides, I’m here.”

Meryl looked at Charlie and murmured, “I’m scared.” 

“I know,” he replied, gliding toward the door. “Me, too.” 

She snorted, “Why are _you_ afraid? You know how to do this. You didn’t forget.”

Charlie looked at Meryl and felt his heart jumped out from his chest.

 _Because this is how we started, and I don’t want it to end like this, you sitting there, afraid of skating and afraid of not knowing that you can trust me here on the ice._  

Charlie shrugged his shoulders again, leaving her question unanswered.

Meryl looked at Charlie and her instincts kicked in. There was an underlying fear in his eyes. It wasn’t the ice that scared Charlie. Charlie’s fear was about _her_.

His fear was that she didn’t trust him on the ice, that he would allow her to get hurt.

Meryl stood up, finding enough courage to cautiously move toward the entrance. She was glad it was the early afternoon. Any other time, the rink would be too crowded, and Meryl wouldn’t have the courage to even try. She removed her blade guards as she approached the boards. Her anxiousness was evident by the way she hesitated even stepping onto the ice. She glanced up at Charlie and he offered her a small smile for reassurance.

She slowly placed one skate then the other on the ice. She stood still, unsure of herself, testing the weight of her legs on the slippery ice. 

 _Muscle memory, Meryl,_ she thought to herself. _Just move. It will all fall into place._

Charlie waited stiffly for her, a worried look cast over his face. He glided toward Meryl, stopping right next to her, waiting for her next move. When Meryl didn’t move, he thought of the only thing he could do to help find her courage. 

He positioned himself, halfway behind her. She could feel his presence towering over her smaller frame. Meryl swallowed, before turning her to take a peek up at him. He tried to hide his excitement. This was where they had started off countless times over the years, at the end of the rink, waiting for their names to be announced.

He sighed quietly. Charlie took his left hand and reached out for hers. At first, he slowly latched onto only three fingers, unsure if his touch would cause her to pull back. When she didn’t, Charlie’s hand circled around her palm and lifted it up. His palm rested flat against hers, and he swore he felt her pulse quicken. 

Meryl found herself closing her eyes, relishing in the delicate way he grabbed her fingers, then her whole hand. She felt the goosebumps cover her arms. Meryl exhaled slowly. She didn’t realize until that moment that she had been holding her breath. She heard the thumping of her heart against her chest, the sound getting louder as she stood there, awaiting their next move.

“I no longer enjoyed standing in the middle of the ice without a hand to hold onto,” Meryl whispered, repeating the same words she had told a reporter when she was younger. Why she had remembered that suddenly, she wasn’t sure. But it seemed like the right thing to say, at that moment.

She felt the pressure of Charlie’s hand as he squeezed her left hand. He remembered.

“Ready?” he whispered, after letting out a small sigh.

Meryl nodded. She felt her body respond to his touch when he reached out with his right hand and grabbed hold of her waist. A slew of emotions were raging through her body. She was extremely nervous; Charlie knew.

“Just follow my lead and listen to my voice,” he reassured her. 

Meryl let out another sigh and felt herself pushing off. They started off slowly, hugging the boards. She felt the sensation she had always felt when she skated. She felt like flying. The cold air brushed against her face as they went faster around the rink and Meryl could hear Charlie chuckling.

“Slow down, Mer, I can only go so fast holding onto you, and I don’t want to let go,” he told her. 

Meryl slowed down, unaware of the adrenaline pumping through her body.

“Sorry,” she muttered, “I guess I like going fast.”

Charlie’s large grin made Meryl blush. She noticed the crow’s feet that formed around his eyes when he smiled at her. She tried to remember when she’d seen that last, but she couldn’t. He seemed so different, like that. So happy. She found herself smiling back at him.

“I’m going to skate in front of you and put ourselves in a dance hold, okay?”

Meryl offered a quiet “Okay,” and waited for Charlie to make the next move. Her body remained rigid, still not completely trusting herself on the slippery surface. Charlie temporarily let go but quickly found where he needed to be. He gently guided Meryl’s left hand onto his shoulder while he reached behind her, and placed a hand on her waist. He pulled slightly on her other hand to hold it out between them. 

Meryl’s pulse quickened when he pulled her close, her forehead only centimeters away from his lips. She turned her head slightly, embarrassed by the proximity. Meryl swallowed, eyes darting in every direction except for up. She was afraid to meet his eyes.

“Do you need me to find a sticker or two?” he snickered, recalling the moment their first coach suggested to place a sticker on Charlie’s forehead, so a very shy Meryl would look into his eyes.

Meryl giggled.

“We’re so close,” she whispered into his ear, doubting her ability to skate without tripping herself or worse, him. “Are you sure we can do this?”

Charlie tugged on her hand again, and squeezed her waist, strengthening their hold, while also making sure he had her attention. “ _This_ is the only thing I’m sure of in this world.”

Meryl blushed and nodded. 

Charlie began skating backwards, keeping Meryl’s hands in place, allowing her to mirror his movements. She continued to look down, watching her feet as they glided on the ice.

“Watch me,” she heard him say, “Look at me. Don’t think about it. Just listen.”

She tilted her face up, forcing herself to look into his eyes. He squinted and smiled. His intense blue eyes met her hazel brown and she knew. She knew she didn’t _have_ to think about trying to move her skates, or find a rhythm. Skating with Charlie was as natural as _walking_ , as natural as _breathing_.

She found trust in his eyes, his hold, and his voice, but most of all, in the sound of his blades as he guided her around the rink.  

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been over a month and I'm sorry for such a long delay. 
> 
> Thank you to Nora for the edit and for the words of encouragement. The next two chapters are pretty long and don't worry, the last chapter is done so there's no real wait. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!

“Charlie, your phone is buzzing,” Meryl motioned toward Charlie’s jacket.

Charlie was so caught up in the moment; his first skate with Meryl since the accident, that he didn’t notice the vibrating coming from the pocket of his vest.

They gradually stopped. “It must be our moms,” he told her, unzipping the pocket that safely nestled the device, “they were worried about you this afternoon.” It wasn’t the moms.

The expression on his face said it all. Meryl knew who it was. He didn’t have to tell her. It was in the way his brow creased as he quickly glanced at the screen.  
There was only one way to describe the look etched across Charlie’s face: _guilt._

“It’s Tanith,” he whispered, his voice quickly lowering.

Meryl gave him a small smile and shifted back to give him some privacy. It was only then she and Charlie realized they were still holding hands, neither one making the first move. Meryl felt a momentarily tug when he didn’t quite let go, his eyes asking her to stay by his side. But he knew he couldn’t ask her that, so he instead he slowly loosened his fingers from hers.

Charlie remained in the middle of the rink, phone pressed against his ear, his hand snaking nervously through his hair. He watched Meryl as she exited the rink and began taking off her skates. Charlie felt like he was right back to where he started, conflicted by the feelings he had about the two women in his life. He was barely on the phone for a minute before the conversation was over. Charlie quickly skated over to the boards where Meryl was sitting in the bleachers, working on removing her skates.

Gone was the free-spirited and laughing Meryl that had just skated around the rink with Charlie, only minutes ago. Sitting before Charlie now was a different girl, her body tense, face stoic, walls building around her.

“I have to leave,” he told her apologetically, unable to maintain eye contact.

“Uh, yeah. Me too,” she responded. “I mean, my mom is probably really worried.”

He nodded, and cleared his throat. “I mean, I have to go out of town. Tanith wants me to... um, she needs me to...”

Meryl immediately looked up, trying to meet his eyes. She watched as Charlie fidgeted, mumbling incoherently. She met them momentarily, but couldn’t keep contact long enough. He turned with a slight frown, staring at something inconspicuous to his right.

“Yeah, of course, you need to go,” she quickly interrupted, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice. “She’s your girlfriend. You have to do the things you need to do.”

Charlie swallowed with a nod, and waited for Meryl to look up again.

“I’ll be gone for a couple of days,” he told her, watching her necklace sway side to side as she struggled with removing her second skate.

She was having a hard time getting her laces loose enough to fully separate her foot from the boot. Charlie could see the frustration on her face as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She huffed slightly under her breath as she managed to yank the boot off with a violent pull.

Meryl bit her bottom lip and nodded.

If she had responded to him out loud, her voice would have betrayed her. He would have noticed the tinge of sadness in the way she said yes. Her voice would have caught on the huge lump that constricted her throat.

_Was this a final goodbye?_ she wondered, as she fought the incredible urge to look up. Her eyes darted from side to side, trying to avoid what she knew was inevitable. They were going to have to say goodbye, and be done with it. Charlie was going to Tanith, and Meryl needed to let him go.

“I’ll have my phone on me, if you need me,” he added before she made a final move to head out in the direction of the lobby.

He quickly pulled his own skates off, catching up with her before she reached the door, and grabbed her shoulder. She turned one last time, finally meeting his eyes, and they did what they had always done: they spoke in silence, as they had many so times, with unspoken words, and lingering glances. With the slightest nod of her head, she turned to head out of the rink, but he didn’t miss the way her shoulders slumped as the glass door shut behind her.

Charlie stood in the middle of the lobby, in silent reverie, hoping Meryl would turn back, just one last time.

Meryl could feel the warmth of the sun against her face as she exited the building. She tightened the grip she had on her gym bag and made her way to her car, determined to leave the day behind her, to let go. She placed her bag in the trunk of her car, opened the door to the driver’s side where she sat in her seat, turned on her car, and slowly backed out of her parking spot. Not once did she look back at the arena. She didn’t need to. She already knew what Charlie was doing.

Charlie White stood in the lobby, watching Meryl drive away in her car, hoping that maybe, just maybe Meryl would look up and say goodbye one last time. She never did.

* * *

Georgia was beyond sticky this time of year. Humidity was in the ninetieth percentile and the bugs were out in full force. Charlie contemplated rolling down the windows to get some fresh air, to clear out the smell of stale cigarettes, and the B.O. stench that lingered on the worn out upholstery in the rental car. In the end, he decided he’d rather suffer the smell than bring in the God-awful humidity from outside.

Charlie realized he should have taken Tanith’s offer to meet him at the airport. At least then, he wouldn’t be stuck somewhere in the backwoods of Georgia, trying his hardest to stick to the directions she had given him over the phone.

The Belbins’ didn’t live in a suburban Georgia neighborhood. Charlie understood Tanith’s parents were avid hikers; outdoorsy kind of people, but living twelve miles away from the nearest town was ridiculous, in his opinion. He shook his head as he recalled Tanith repeatedly telling him over the phone, “Don’t forget to call before heading out here; cell phone reception doesn’t quite work very well most of the time.”

She had spoken to him in hushed tones then, holding back the reason why she really needed him to leave Michigan and meet her at her parent’s home. Charlie assumed she wanted him away from Meryl, guessing correctly that Meryl was with him at the ice rink, when she asked. His silence had been enough of an answer.

When Charlie had told Meryl his plans of leaving Michigan for a few days, every move Meryl made after that had felt rushed, miscalculated. She had moved to get away quickly, and Charlie had watched as she unlaced her skates and placed them in her gym bag, oblivious to the fact she hadn’t even put her guards back on. He had wanted to correct her, but he could feel the tension growing between them so instead, he had stuck to the basics; letting her know she could get a hold of him if she needed to. Even then, it was painful, having to leave her again.

The walls had been built and they weren’t coming down any time soon.

Tanith’s parents’ house came into view, an hour and a half after Charlie had picked up his car from the regional airport he’d landed at. He shook his head in frustration when he looked at the time on the dashboard. He couldn’t believe it had taken him so long to find the place.

“Damn boonies,” he muttered to himself as he pulled up the gravel driveway.

He saw Tanith atop the stairs of her parents’ front porch, waiting for him. He smiled at her as he approached the waiting arms of his girlfriend, and as she pulled away, she returned his smile with one of her own and offered a small kiss on his cheek.

“You look great,” he told her, taking a quick glance from head to toe.

“Thank you,” she replied, linking her arms through his as they made their way into the house. “I feel wonderful. Everyone is out back, and expecting you. We should go and say hello.”

“Everyone?” he asked, confused, stopping mid-stride.

Charlie was quickly wondering whether or not his visit was some sort of intervention. Panic began to set in.

Tanith dropped her arm as they came out the back door, onto the deck attached to the house. “Obviously, you know mom, dad, my brother, and -- George.”

“George?” The name came out more as a surprise, “Why’s he here?”

“He’s here because I’ve asked him to be here,” Tanith replied quietly, unable to meet his eyes.

“Wait – you asked him to come? Why?” Charlie turned towards Tanith, searching for more of for an explanation.

Charlie knew George fairly well. He had been a childhood friend of Tanith’s, and their families, much like Charlie and Meryl’s, were close. George had moved from Quebec to finish school in the U.S., and eventually ended up staying in the States, where he, like Tanith, had obtained his citizenship after years of living in the country. George was to Tanith as Charlie was to Meryl.

Tanith nodded at her family, letting them know they’d be back in a minute, had headed back through the house to the front porch. She sat on the top step, gazing out towards the woods that surrounded the Belbins’ property.

Charlie followed her lead, and took the spot next to Tanith, waiting for her to break the silence. He watched as the slight breeze touch the tops of the trees, and listened to the soft tapping of her sandals as she sat beside him, considering what she wanted to say.

“Charlie,” she began a few minutes later, “do you believe in fate?”

Charlie turned to finally look at Tanith and when she turned to face him, Charlie nodded, still feeling slightly confused. “I guess,” he said, twisting his mouth up. “You mean, like, is there a great plan for our lives?”

“Something like that,” Tanith responded, her eyes becoming unfocused again.

“Um,” he said, furrowing his brow. “Yeah – sure.” Charlie watched as she began playing with her fingernails, picking on the cuticles. It was a nervous habit he had noticed over the course of their relationship. In the past, he had always reached out for her hands, to calm her nerves, but this time, he hesitated.

“I keep replaying the moment in New York, when we got your mother’s phone call,” she said, her voice quiet and strained. “And, I guess -- I always wonder if there’s something bigger, a larger force, telling us how we’re not meant to be. Like, maybe, all this time, we’ve been forcing something to happen, when we shouldn’t be.”

Charlie remained quiet as his eyes followed the path between her fidgeting hands and tapping foot. He wasn’t sure exactly what direction Tanith was going with this.

“I knew you were going to propose that night,” she finally admitted, giving up a small laugh, pulling her knees to her chest.

Charlie looked up quickly and watched as tears began forming in her eyes.

“Don’t get mad,” she continued in a rush, “but I found the receipt for the ring in your jacket, when I was doing laundry and then I overheard your mom talking to Cheryl about it.”

“Tanith,” Charlie started, but was immediately cut off when she lifted her hand.

“I was excited, don’t get me wrong. But when things started happening the way they did, it was -- like a big wake up call, y’know?” she asked.

Charlie shook his head then whispered, “No, I don’t know. I mean -- I didn’t know. Everything just… happened.”

Tanith began softly chuckling. “Charlie,” she said affectionately. “You never know what’s going on. It’s one of the greatest things about you; your innocence. The way you just go with the flow.” He frowned, but she continued, undeterred. “You’ve always been a ‘let’s live in the moment’ kind of guy, and I’ve always found that exciting and wonderful. But recently, I guess, your moments are mostly filled with Meryl, sincethe accident, and I don’t ever see that changing.”

“I … she was in the hospital, Tanith. I mean, I’ve just been trying to help her – help her with her memories; her recovery. S-She’s my friend, I mean…” Charlie spoke up, trying to reason with Tanith.  
Tanith smiled at Charlie and shook her head. “It’s not just the accident, Charlie. If it was just that, I’d understand.”

Charlie bit his bottom lip as he continued to listen. He could hear his heart thumping against his chest, not knowing how to properly respond to what Tanith was telling him.

“Honestly, I was hurt, a little bit, by all the time you’d been spending with Meryl, before and after the Olympics. All the training, the media, you seemed closer than ever. But I felt like, it made sense. I mean, I’ve been there, I know what it feels like to win a medal, how close you feel to your partner. And I know how long you’ve known Meryl, too, and how close you are. But I also knew about the ring, and I figured – if we just got engaged, I wouldn’t have to worry anymore, because you were making that decision, to be with me.

“But then… the accident happened, and you were with Meryl every day, for weeks and it was like – I’d lost you all over again. And, it’s weird, but I realized something.” She looked up at Charlie, then, her eyes and face soft, and reached for his hand. Charlie took it. “The thing is, your relationship with Meryl is really no different than what I have with George,” she told him. “He literally is the only fixture in my life that has remain a constant. You know, he’s always been _supportive_ of what I needed, of what I wanted. And I thought, if the same thing had happened to him; if he’d been in an accident like Meryl’s – I would have done the same thing you did. I would have been there, every day, by his side, hoping to get him back.”

_Supportive_. The word resonated through Charlie’s ears when he finally realized what was happening.

“Meryl liked to use that word too,” Charlie quietly added, recalling the day when Meryl had slapped him in the face. He sighed. “ _Supportive_. I guess I have a love-hate relationship with the word. There really is no happy medium.”

Tanith spoke with a quiet voice, “George used to say that all the time, too. He used to tell him how he was just being ‘supportive of me.’ But, well. I think we both know he used it to hide behind what he really felt.”

Charlie let out a nervous laugh, “So… when did he stop being just _supportive_?”

Tanith stalled and hesitated before continuing.

“When I told him about the receipt,” she replied, stretching her legs across the next two steps. “I guess at that point, he thought it was ‘now or never’ for us. And you?”

“Meryl is still being _supportive_ ,” he said sarcastically, leaning back, elbows against the floorboard, heavily sighing. “I’m still being supportive, too.” He thought for a second, realizing what Tanith had just said. “OK – wait. Are you saying you knew about how George felt – before we left for New York?”

Tanith smiled ruefully. “No – I didn’t find out you were planning to propose until after we’d gotten back. That’s when I had found your receipt. And overheard your mom and Cheryl discussing it.”  
Tanith watched as Charlie struggled to get a grip on his emotions. “So… you…”

“Meryl loves you, you know,” Tanith put in, “she always has, even before we were together.”

Charlie shrugged his shoulders in response and pursed his lips, blowing out a breath. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “I think – since the accident, I don’t think she knows what to make of all of this.”  
“And you?”

“What about me?” Charlie asked, confusion written all over his face.

“How do you feel about her being _supportive_?”

Charlie let out a loud laugh, “Can we please stop this ‘talking in code’ thing? It’s weird.” He sighed again, hesitating. “I mean, I don’t know. This is – shit, we’re talking about me having feelings for another woman. It just -- seems like a weird dream. It can’t be this easy,” Charlie confessed.

“Charlie,” Tanith smiled, standing up, and taking his hands to pull him up so they were facing each other. “You and I both know our relationship changed, when Meryl was in the hospital. You should have heard the desperation in your voice, when you couldn’t figure anything out. You were so sure you were going to lose her forever. The look in your eyes, the sound of your voice… I knew then, our relationship was done.”

“What you really mean is,” Charlie said with a guilty smile, “our relationship changed when I told you that I hated you, when we were at the lake.”

Tanith chuckled again, nodding.

“I didn’t mean it, y’know,” he quickly added, staring into her eyes, needing to let her know how sincere he was.

“Yeah -- you did,” she replied, and then clarified for him, “I mean, at that moment, you did. You hated me. You were so upset… about everything, with Meryl. It was…”

Charlie shook his head but Tanith reached down and placed her hand on top of his.

Tanith continued, “Listen. It’s okay. Like I said before, if our roles were reversed, and George had gotten into a terrible accident like Meryl’s, I would have felt the same way. You don’t… you don’t have to apologize.”

Charlie shook his head again, more forcefully this time. He pulled his hand out of Tanith’s grasp. “It still -- it didn’t make it right. I shouldn’t have been an asshole,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He was embarrassed by the way he acted that morning, ashamed at himself for using those words against her.

“OK,” Tanith smiled wryly. “If it makes you feel any better, you were an asshole.”

Tanith’s words brought a small smile in return from Charlie and they were finally able to share a laugh for the first time that day. The tension between the two of them broke, and Charlie found himself relaxing for the first since his arrival. He let out a long sigh as he leaned back against the porch railing, watching a flock of birds fly across the sky.

“Have you ever thought about the possibility? Of you and Meryl? Together?” Tanith asked once their laughter had died down, and the only sound was a lawnmower in the far distance.

Charlie looked up and Tanith gave him a small nod. He was still unsure how honest he should be with her. He didn’t want to hurt Tanith’s feelings, regardless of the conversation they’d just had. After all, they still had a history. They’d been in a relationship for over five years. He was about to propose to her.

But if he was being truthful, he had thought about him and Meryl all the time. Charlie didn’t say that aloud, though, only allowing himself to nod slightly in response. “And you?” he asked, politely, though, again, if he was being honest, he was a little afraid of her answer. What if Tanith had thought about George as much as he thought about Meryl? Had they been lying to each other from the start? It was a bit off-putting to consider; that their whole relationship had been built on hidden feelings and a compensation for something they thought they’d never have.

“I guess… my feelings for George has always been there, just that different things got in the way,” she told him, looking away. “You and I were so caught up with what we thought was right, I guess, and what everyone expected of us, after being together for so long. The expectation of moving on, getting married. But… it never would have been the right thing, I don’t think. We would have always been stuck with that regret of what could have been, you know?”

Charlie made a sound in the back of his throat. “So. Meryl and George, huh?” He grinned crookedly. “How did we miss that? Our best friends?” The revelation was still bouncing around in his head. It was so strange, to think that Tanith felt the same way about her best friend as he did about his.

“Well, we’ll see, I guess. Who knows where it might lead?” she replied with another giggle, her eyes squinting towards the sun. “At least it’s a good start.”

“Any regrets?” Charlie asked, turning to face Tanith, again. He grabbed her hand. He stroked his thumb against her knuckles, placing the back of her right hand against his lips for a gentle kiss.

Tanith shook her head and smiled affectionately at the sincerity of Charlie’s actions. “I guess – my only regret was that it took a tragedy for us to do anything about it. I mean, even after George approached me, I still wasn’t sure if I should go with him. I was worried about you. But… I think by then, your mind was made up, too. You just didn’t know it yet. My mother is gonna be disappointed when we tell her, but once she realizes it was for the better, she’ll see what a good decision it was.”

“You haven’t told her yet?” Charlie asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous.

“That’s why I asked you to come down here. I wanted to tell them in person. And I wanted George here, too. So she’d know how serious we all are. And – to make sure there were no hard feelings between us.”

Charlie smiled then slowly, then let his hand separate from hers. “Nah,” he said. “I’m just thinking, about how proud Scott Moir would be of you two. George…a bona-fide Canadian. A pure Canadian coupling.” It had always been a joke between them that Tanith was ruining her Canadian heritage by marrying Charlie. But then Charlie had reminded Scott that she was an American citizen. (‘Once a Canuck, always a Canuck,’ Scott had shot back, and the joke continued on.)

“So… _your moms_ ,” Tanith responded jokingly. “Matchmaking to a whole new level?”

“A whole new level,” Charlie reiterated, laughing at the thought of Cheryl and Jacqui conspiring to bring he and Meryl finally together.

Tanith stalled before finally speaking up again.

“Charlie,” she said softly. “I couldn’t wish for a better girl to love you, the way you deserve to be, and vice-versa. She’s a special girl,” Tanith told him, then continued in a stern voice, “don’t mess it up, you nerd.”

Charlie stuck his tongue out at Tanith, and smiled. “I just hope it’s not too late.”

“It’s never too late,” she responded quickly.

“Yeah, well, you weren’t with her two days ago, when I told her it was,” he confessed. “She found a letter I had written to her, when we were getting ready to hit the senior circuit.”

“A confession of sorts?” Tanith asked before deciding to sit back down and stretch out her long legs.

Charlie nodded, leaning back against the railing again. “I was so young.”

“Yeah, but – even then, you knew. You knew Meryl was the one.” She looked at him purposefully. “I guess there’s only one thing to do, now,” Tanith suggested.

“What’s that?” Charlie asked, looking up.

“Isn’t it obvious?” she asked as stood up again to head into the house. “It’s time for you to write another letter. And this time, we’re gonna leave out the word _supportive_.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Meryl remember Charlie when unexpected events take over their lives?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don't know how this story ended up being 20+ chapters. Thank you for bearing with me. 
> 
> This is the final chapter of the story and to be honest, I would like to say, "Welcome to Sapfest 2014." LOL. 
> 
> I would like to take the opportunity to thank Nora for being the best editor in the world! I know that you have a lot in your plate with all the wonderful stories coming your way, the wonderful masterposts regarding our beloved Charlie White, and the blogs/ commentaries of two soulmates that just can't get their crap together. At least in the wonderful world of fanfic, they get it.
> 
> Thank you for reading and for the comments you post. They do brighten my day, knowing that these stories make people happy (even sometimes crazy) the way they make me happy. I hope you enjoy!! 
> 
> hashtag twizzlers

Old habits die hard. 

Meryl Davis couldn’t sleep in late if she tried.  There she was, in bed, staring at her ceiling fan rotating the way it did, slightly imbalanced and wobbly.  She had another hour before her alarm would go off, but she just couldn’t fall back asleep.

“I could stay in bed all day and do nothing,” she said aloud, reminding herself that this was what _normal_ people did on a vacation.  Meryl was never good at being lazy, though.  Her body didn’t have the capacity to withdraw itself from the active lifestyle she was accustomed to.   

Meryl groaned as she instinctively swung her legs over her bed and made her way into the bathroom.  She just couldn’t stay in bed any longer.  Even after the accident, she had kept moving, determined to find out what was lost; eager to get her life back to normal. 

Her condo felt too quiet, the only sounds coming from the ticking clock on her kitchen wall, or an occasional horn from a car outside.  She had to admit that she looked forward to seeing Charlie, even if, at times it became an emotional roller coaster.  This time, though, Charlie was half way across the country with the woman he loved and adored.

Meryl often wondered if this was how her life was going to be- a monotonous song stuck on replay.  She really didn’t have _anyone_ in her life, besides Charlie, and even that was questionable.  She had reconnected with several friends she could depend on if she needed to, but at times, Meryl felt like the third or fifth wheel, latching on to the good ‘ol days from college, and a skating career currently put on hold.  Her friends had moved on with their lives and she had seen it during the aftermath of her accident.  Their visits were so often interrupted with phone calls from work, and showing off flashy engagement rings, and protruding bellies holding future Sophias, Olivias, and Juniors. 

She had never been the jealous type.  She knew there were several things to be thankful for.  She was happy her friends were happy, and was herself happy.  She had recently won an Olympic Gold Medal, after four _insane_ years of hard work and determination; figure skating was popular again, thanks to her and Charlie, and the world was in the palm of her hand.  Everything seemed possible. 

 _Almost everything._  

Charlie was not a possibility.  The thought finally hit her as she had driven away from the parking lot after having their first skate together in months.  The way her stomach had twisted and turned as she made her way to her lonely condo was enough proof to let Meryl know she had fallen back in love with Charlie. 

She should have expected it.  Her journals only confirmed what had happened and what she could see was happening all over again.  She had missed that opportunity five years ago, by sacrificing her feelings for something she thought was the best thing for both of them at the time.  They couldn’t take the risk of giving up ten years of hard work for something as fleeting as _love_.  What if it didn’t work out?  Where would it leave everyone then?

Meryl finished her breakfast and cleaned up before deciding to go visit her mother.  It would be a something good for the both of them, she thought.  Meryl found comfort in the confines of her childhood home, and Cheryl was always happy to have her children around.  It helped combat Cheryl’s empty nest syndrome when college and the competitive season kept them at bay.

Meryl rechecked herself in the mirror, before opening the front door to find an unmarked package sitting on her welcome mat.  Meryl walked past it and quickly glanced around, to see if she noticed anyone, or a familiar car in the parking lot, but she saw nothing to indicate where it might have come from.  Meryl picked up the box and shook it, wondering what was in it.

Inside her condo, Meryl immediately felt a sense of nostalgia rushing over her as she unwrapped the package.    Inside the box were several different items from her and Charlie’s skating career as partners.  She found several photos from their favorite cities, pieces from some of their costumes, a stuffed animal from a fan in Japan, a couple books they had shared throughout the years, and several other little trinkets she had forgotten about. 

The box had Charlie White written all over it. 

Meryl picked up her cell phone and quickly dialed Charlie’s number.  She felt nervous, then relieved, when it went straight to voicemail.  She didn’t know if she was prepared to hear his voice just yet. 

Instead, she called Charlie’s mother.  After two rings, Meryl heard finally heard the familiarity of Jacqui’s voice picking up.  “Hello?”

Meryl didn’t realize how much she had missed hearing her voice.

 “Hi Jacqui,” Meryl said, after clearing her throat.  She felt herself becoming emotional again.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Jacqui responded, using the same term of endearment she had adopted almost two decades ago.  “Meryl, are you all right?  Do you need help?”

“No, no, no,” Meryl reassured Jacqui, then continued, “I’m fine, Jacqui.  I was just wondering, um, if you knew where Charlie was this morning.  I tried calling him, but he’s not picking up his phone.”

“He’s not here at the moment, but I know he’s in the area.  Are you sure everything’s okay?” she asked, concerned.

Meryl stalled before continuing.  “Um, yeah.  He just – um, left a box, this morning, on my doorstep and I just wanted to thank him.”

Jacqui remained silent for a moment before speaking, “He’s been saving that box for you, you know.”

Meryl heard herself whispering over the phone, “I didn’t know that.”

She made an amused sound.  “Charlie started collecting those items when you both started skating, in the senior circuit.  When I asked him about it, he told me it was a memory box,” Jacqui said.  “He was all embarrassed at the time, but he kept going with it.  He uh, started, I think after you won the Junior Nationals--?”

“ _Atlanta_ ,” Meryl murmured, remembering. 

“Yeah, that’s right.  Every year since then, heasked your mom and me for different things to place in his memory box.  We didn’t think much of it at the time, but I think a lot of the items ended up being very personal, to both or you.   You know,” she continued, her tone shifting, “your mom and I never said anything to him, but we knew that it was about more than just collecting souvenirs, or trinkets...”

Meryl let out a loud sigh, “Jacqui…”

“Meryl,” Jacqui interrupted. “Listen, sweetheart.  I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but I do know this.  My son is essentially the same boy he was, on the first day he saw you, when he told me you were the best skater in the world.  He has _always_ been transfixed by you, caught up in emotions that, even to this day, he doesn’t know what to make of it.  He doesn’t need to tell me he loves you, because I’ve known it for years.  And it’s not just a friendship, it’s more than that.  It’s in the way he looks at you, the way he wants to protect you, and keep you safe, and in the way he worries when you’re worried.  I’ve never seen two people more in sync.  Not even in my own marriage.”

Meryl felt the tears in her eyes start to trickle down her cheeks.  She had been covering her mouth over the receiver to hide the change in her breathing, the entire time listening to Jacqui speak. 

“Thank you Jacqui,” she whispered, noticing the crack in her voice. 

“No problem, sweetheart.  I care about both of you, you know.”

“Jacqui?” Meryl asked before letting her go.

Jacqui remained quiet, waiting for what Meryl had to say.

“I love you,” Meryl finished, wiping the tears from her face with the back of her hands. 

She heard Jacqui take a breath in and Meryl knew she wasn’t expecting such a revelation.   “I love you too sweetheart,” Jacqui responded, before saying goodbye. 

Meryl picked up the box, and made her way to her car.  She could figure out what she needed to say to Charlie once she found him, she thought.  At least _one_ thing was for sure: she would have to say _thank you_ , and she was certain everything else she wanted to say would come naturally after that.

 

* * *

 

 

In the end, it wasn’t hard to find Charlie.  He had his favorite places, and Meryl knew he wouldn’t stray too far from home.  She had stopped by the rink first, but didn’t see his car in the lot.  Meryl idled in the parking lot for a bit, staring wistfully at the light blue paint peeling off the side of the beams, noticing the letters on the sign were just slightly crooked.  She reminisced about their early days here, and how everything had changed so much recently.  How much more complicated it had become, with everything that had happened. 

It had only been three days ago that Meryl had sat in the same parking lot, trying to keep the bile from rising up into her throat as she drove away.  She remembered the deep ache in her heart as she had walked away from Charlie, wondering if it was going to be the last time she would ever see him reaching out for her in that way. 

His eyes had spoken to her, then, and she was certain her eyes had done the same.  Words again, lost in the sound of her heart beating against her chest, and drowning in the silence between them both. 

 _Only if._  

Meryl had spent the rest of that day in her condo, locked away from reality.  She had taken down the pictures of Charlie and her, along with the items they had shared over the years and sealed them in an unmarked box.  It was easier to lose, she had thought, easier to _forget,_ in an unmarked box, tucked away in the attic.

After she drove away from Arctic Edge, the next place Meryl checked was the lake property; the first place Charlie had brought her to, days after her accident. 

Like most things with Charlie and Meryl, fate had intervened.  

As her car approached the dirt road leading to the lake, Meryl noticed the chain and lock that held the private property sign was coiled meticulously on the ground.  Someone had recently driven through the dirt road and Meryl’s stomach began to twist and turn again, her nervousness evident by the way her fingers gripped the steering wheel.

She began playing different scenarios in her head.  Maybe he wasn’t alone?  What if Tanith was at the lake with Charlie, and Meryl coming by was an intrusion on their privacy?  What if Meryl had it all wrong?

If Meryl had a spot to turn around, she had missed it, because the farmhouse quickly came into view, and Meryl knew she couldn’t back out now.  She immediately noticed Charlie’s black Audi at the end of the driveway, the sun’s rays causing a bright glare to reflect off the windows.

She didn’t see Charlie at first, but as she parked next to his car, she saw him sitting on the steps of the house, waiting for her.  Meryl took a large breath before unbuckling her seatbelt, and made her way out of her vehicle. 

Charlie looked as if he had been up all night, dark circles lining his eyes.  His clothes were disheveled, his curly hair more messy than normal, and his facial hair scruffier than usual.  He watched Meryl as she walked to the front of the car and sat against the hood, crossing her ankles with her arms against her chest.

They sat across from each other for a few minutes and waited for someone to break the silence.  She looked around, pretending to be fascinated by the landscape, in hopes that maybe he would start talking first.  But instead, Meryl and Charlie made eye contact again, shared a slight smile, and she found the courage to speak.

“Thank you for the box,” Meryl quietly said, gesturing with her head to at the box was in her backseat. 

Charlie nodded but still remained quiet.  He licked his lips, his arms resting on his knees, hands folded.

Meryl took a big breath, “I wasn’t -- expecting such a wonderful surprise on my doorstep this morning, um, you know how I usually feel about surprises.”

“You hate surprises,” he replied, leaning back against the step, his eyes level with Meryl’s.  A slight smile came onto his face.

Meryl chuckled in response, pulling back her hair, the wind picking up slightly.  “So.  How’s Tanith?”

Charlie’s expression immediately shifted, his eyebrows furrowed in disappointment.  “She’s … well.”

Meryl couldn’t help but gaze down at the hem of her shirt, tracing the line with her fingertips, to distract herself.  “So,” she started, willing herself to speak, “did you … get a chance to ask her to marry you?”

The question took Charlie by surprise.  He wasn’t expecting Meryl to ask him about his plans for an engagement.  He was saddened by the way Meryl reacted: her eyes downcast, hands distracted by the hem of her shirt, lips pursed. 

Charlie stood up, walking over to Meryl. 

“You thought I went to see Tanith to ask her if she would marry me?” he quietly asked.

He could see her chest, moving up and down, her demeanor changing right before him.

Meryl finally looked up and spoke in a whisper, “Wasn’t that always the plan?”

Her eyes became watery, her emotions coming at her unexpectedly. 

Charlie turned and began walking in the direction of the lake, leaving Meryl against her vehicle.  He suddenly stopped, taking a deep breath before calling out to her, over his shoulder, “Are you coming?”

Meryl stalled for a second before deciding to follow Charlie, her footsteps trailing slightly behind him.  She realized he had never answered her question, and Meryl found herself bracing herself for the worst.   Today was going to be the day, she thought, that Charlie White would tell her his plans to marry Tanith. She had been expecting it, obviously, but hearing him confirm it was going to gut her all over again, she knew it.

They continued walking down to the edge of the pier, until they reached the end.  Charlie took off his sandals and sat down, dipping his feet into the water.  Meryl gingerly did the same, making sure to keep a foot of distance between them as she settled in.  Even so, she didn’t know if she could stand being so close to Charlie, in the same place where she had found so much tranquility as a child.  She forced herself to take deep breaths, hearing the birds chirping in the distance, the click of the cicadas in the trees, and the sound of the water as her toes danced on the surface, all reminiscent of simpler times she’d had at the lake house.  She wished, for a second, she could bring herself back, anything, other than having to do this.

Charlie gripped the edge of the pier tightly as he began to speak.  “There was this conversation -- I had with Tanith, near here, when you were in the hospital, about finding a way to bring all your memories back.  And, y’know, at the time, I was just _so_ desperate,” Charlie whispered, then laughed as he confessed, “I had googled every possible answer, for bringing back memories, in someone with memory loss, and I remember, there was this one particular article, written by some doctor, about reintroducing the patient to the five senses: hearing, seeing, touching, tasting, and smelling, and how, connecting these senses, to memories, familiar things, would help the patient remember.

“I was – I was set on, um, formulating a plan.  Tanith thought I was crazy but I just -- couldn’t give up,” Charlie continued. “I thought – I guess I thought, bringing you here, you know, it would help you remember, but in a sense, that, and um, all the things we did, it, um, helped me remember, too.”

Charlie began dragging his feet through the water.  It was his way of stalling, she knew, finding a distraction of some sorts.  He spoke quietly, with his eyes downcast, “You helped remember… why it was so easy to fall in love with you in the first place.”  Charlie looked up, his eyes focusing on a bird that had dived down into the water, trying to the find courage to continue.  He took a deep breath, “You make me feel alive whenever I’m around you.”

Meryl felt something contract in her chest.  _He was in love with her?_ she thought.  She suddenly felt like she had been hit with a ton of bricks, instead of the proverbial anvil she’d been expecting.  The shock she felt in that moment had her paralyzed with fear, or with overwhelming emotion, or maybe both.  But Charlie wasn’t finished.  Meryl forced herself to keep breathing, as he continued.

“It’s like -- these five senses, whenever you’re near me, are amplified and I feel more alive.  Meryl, I can still _hear_ your breathing; the night of the winter formal, when you fell asleep in my arms.  The sound of you sighing when you nestled closer to me on the couch.  I -- it made me feel like you didn’t want to be anywhere else, but with me.”

“Then there’s the _touching_.  I can’t even _begin_ to describe how it felt -- how it _feels_ \-- to have you reach out for my hand, especially when we’re on the ice.  To… have your fingers intertwined with mine.  It’s like, in that moment in time, there’s us and then there’s everyone else.  I think it’s one of the reason why I love skating, especially with you.  Being in close hold is an excuse to have you hold my hand, touch my face, brush against me,” he said, his voice almost becoming a whisper, before he continued:

“You know that chocolate is one my favorite dessert foods, right next to my mom’s pineapple upside down cake,” Charlie said, turning to glance over at her, “but do you know why?”

Meryl turned her face towards Charlie, eyes becoming watery, and tears ready to fall.  She shook her head.

“I attribute the _taste_ of chocolate to _you_.  The cake I got you – for your sixteenth birthday, when we were in Atlanta, it was chocolate.  And I still remember how sweet it was, and I don’t just mean the dessert – but, you know, that whole night,” he said with a chuckle.  “I think that was the first night, I started to see you differently.  My heart was telling me there was something more about you than just being ~~just~~ my partner.

“And when I gave you the first flower every spring when we were younger, it was to mark the beginning of another year, with you.  It was my symbol of hope, maybe subconsciously, I guess, hoping you would open your heart to me.  The _smell_ of fresh flowers reminds me of you.”

“So you see, Meryl, the five senses, um…” Charlie trailed off, biting his lip.

“You forgot one,” Meryl whispered.  “You forgot _seeing_.”

Charlie let out a long sigh and pursed his lips together.  “I didn’t forget,” he said with a small laugh. 

Meryl looked over at Charlie once again, confused by his statement.

“See, there’s a _lot_ of things I remember, whenever I look around.  When I see the stars at night, especially when there’s a blanket of them strewn across the sky, I remember Atlanta, and how you reacted when you walked through the door that night, and onto the patio.  And when I see little girls taking basic skills at our rink, I’m reminded of you, the first time I ever saw you, on the ice.  And when I start reading a new book, if it’s something I’m really into, I wonder if you’d like it, too.  Then I just _see_ you…” Charlie trailed off before going silent.

He fidgeted, propping his palms on the deck behind him to make himself more comfortable.  After a long moment, he turned to look at her fully. 

“Your hair,” he murmured, reaching out to gently run his hand down the length of her hair that was pulled over her shoulder.  “I always notice how you like to twist your hair, and pull it over to one side when you’re serious more than usual.”  He smiled a little at that, causing her to smile shyly in response.  “And the way your eyes do this little crinkle thing, when you’re being playful, or whenever you’re around things you love, like puppies. And sometimes, I see how you wring your hands together, like they are now, when you’re nervous.”  His eyes flittered over her face, but she looked down now, her lips pressed together, holding back tears that threatened to break forth.  She didn’t want to cry, not now.

Charlie stood up then, shoving his hands in his pockets.  “Now here’s the scary thing part about all this,” he said, his voice breaking slightly.  “I don’t think you know how _much_ I really love you, and – even more so, I’m afraid that you don’t know what you’re feeling towards me, either.  Whether it’s real… or just some sort of reaction, because of what you’re learning from your journals?  That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Meryl stood up behind Charlie, watching him as he continued to gaze across the lake in silence. 

“I haven’t… learned anything,” Meryl swallowed, clearing her throat.  She hoped her voice would find the strength to say all what she needed to say.  “I didn’t, um, learn anything new from those entries, Charlie.  It wasn’t something that I could just _remember_.  The truth is, I was feeling everything _all over again_.  I was remembering how I felt then and what I’m feeling now.

“And, I know it’s not easy going back to those moments, and realizing I _can’t change them_ , to take those words and actions and choices that we made, and make them into second chances, but, well, this time I _have_ to try.  I don’t want to live my life with ‘what ifs’.”

Charlie turned around.  Meryl remained still, looking up into Charlie’s eyes. 

“I remember everything surrounding you, too.  _Everything_ ,” she repeated, continuing, “I remembered how in awe I was, looking up at the sky on that night you convinced me to sneak out my room, during Nationals.  And particularly, how _sweet_ that chocolate cake tasted, when you told me it would be just us, you and I, together.  I do remember hearing you breathe against my head, when I woke up during the night of the winter formal, and I remember wishing I could have more time with you then, instead of having to go home.  Those journal entries were just windows to what my heart already _knew,_ and had felt for years.

“And actually, I _don’t_ remember how horrible a skate we had in Russia, but not because I repressed it from my memory.  Because I remembered it more by the way you waited patiently for me in the wings, even though I _knew_ how badly you just wanted to hide.  You were so disappointed with yourself, and yet, you stayed by my side, until everything was done.   I wished I’d had the courage to tell you then, how much I loved you.”

Charlie’s eyes roamed over hers in wonder, as she continued.

“Our first kiss,” she smiled shyly, “still lingers in my head, like it was yesterday, but it wasn’t the kiss I remembered most.”  Her smile grew wider, and more affectionate, as she bit the corner of her lip.  “It was the way you held my hand, afterward, and the soft way your thumb caressed that spot between my thumb.  It had… such a calming effect.

“So you see, I didn’t learn any of those moments from re-reading my journal entries.  Those memories were always _there_.  It just helped me _realize_ how important they were to what I was already feeling.”

Charlie stalled, before taking a step forward, “Wait -- you wanted to tell me that you loved me?”

“Out of all that…” Meryl giggled as she spoke.

Charlie nodded and asked, “OK.  So… when and where?  At the rink, on the bus, at the hotel?  When would you have, um --”

Meryl edged even closer to Charlie, taking pleasure in the way her heart thumped against her chest.  She couldn’t help but avoid his eyes, her gaze instead lingering on his chest, where she noticed a few dark hairs peeking out from the V-neck opening of his shirt.

Charlie lifted his hands, then, and cupped her face, his fingers reaching behind her ears with his thumbs moving to caress her cheeks, forcing her gaze back up on his face.  “When and where was the first time you wanted tell me you loved me?” he asked again, his eyes dark and full.

As Meryl looked back at him, she realized that he, too, was on the verge of tears, forcing her to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat.   He had become emotional as well, with every passing confession.

“I didn’t say anything about _that night_ being the first time I wanted to tell you that I loved you,” she whispered, closing her eyes as he leaned in, his forehead touching hers. 

“What, then?” he whispered back, questioning.

Meryl shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut, feeling her cheeks becoming wet from the tears that had escaped, reveling in the gentle way his hands kept caressing her face, wiping the tears away.

“It was … I wanted to tell you, I think, when I first realized why you always grabbed my hand during warmups,” Meryl quietly spoke.  “A long time ago.”

“It was to keep you safe,” Charlie responded automatically.  He had always wanted to make sure Meryl was able to see other skaters coming toward her when they were warming up, or practicing.  “I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”

“It wasn’t even about me getting _physically_ hurt, though,” Meryl paused, before explaining further. “The moment you came to me in Hawaii to tell me about how you wanted to propose to Tanith.  I knew why you did it.  You didn’t want me to be blindsided by it, even though I knew then, it was going to happen eventually.  Even _then_ , you wanted to protect me.  And when I called you the night of your winter formal, I heard the sigh of relief over the phone,” Meryl chuckled, “I just knew you were waiting for my phone call.” 

Charlie laughed, then.  “I was really beating myself up for days, about not asking you first.  But, you know, when you came over, in that beautiful dress to hang out with me and my bum ankle, I was completely at a loss,” Charlie’s hand slid down, to pull the strands of hair away from Meryl’s face and shoulders.  “If only you could have felt how fast my heart was beating, that whole night.”

Meryl took Charlie’s hand and placed it over her heart.  He stared at it as Meryl responded, “I knew.”

Meryl felt Charlie’s other hand slide around the back of her neck, pulling her closer, then felt the warmth of his lips as they touched hers in a soft kiss.  They found themselves the same way they always had, in the same rhythm, the same sync.  Her hands found their way behind his neck, gradually moving up through his hair, grasping and tugging.  Their bodies meshed with one another as they swayed gently in rhythm.  Charlie ran his fingers through her impossibly soft hair, he heard Meryl’s gentle moan as his tongue made its way between her lips, finding the sweet taste of her.  She could feel her knees weaken as Charlie lips slanted over hers, tilting his head to have more of her.   

Meryl pulled back after a moment, her face still inches from his, not ready to let go just yet.  They waited for their breathing to slowly return to normal, smiles etched across their faces. 

“Say something,” Meryl whispered, then giggled, remembering the conversation they’d had in the hallway after their short dance in Russia. “Say anything but--”

 “We didn’t miss--?” Charlie grinned, replaying the same comment Meryl made the first time they kissed. 

He laughed out loud, then, puling Meryl closer.  Meryl smiled in response to him, reveling in the way his laughter carried with the wind. 

Charlie’s face changed from carefree to serious as she gazed at her, the gravity of the moment settling within him.  It had taken him seventeen years to have a moment with her like _this,_ and for the first time in his life, he didn’t feel the need to hide or to be afraid.    

“How about ‘I love you?’  I could just say that,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Meryl took a large gulp.  “You _could_ just say it,” Meryl started then paused, before continuing, “but I would rather hear the truth.”

“I love you,” he replied immediately, bringing his hand up to her face again. “And that will _always_ be my truth.”

Meryl smiled and continued playfully, her hands gripping his waist, “OK.  Now, it’s your turn.  Ask me.”

Charlie let out a long drawn out sigh.  His voice caught the back of his throat and the question came out in an unexpected whisper, “Do you love me?”

Charlie didn’t realized how long he held his breath before Meryl responded with a smile, “I’ve loved you for as long as I could remember and that is _my_ truth.”

“If I’m being truthful,” Charlie said, a smile taking over his face as he leaned forward to touch her forehead with hers.  “I’m really enjoying this honesty thing.”

“Me too,” Meryl smiled back, as his lips met hers again. 

 

 

 


End file.
